RangerWickett
Legend
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Was: Eberron - Passage (one week only)!
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
So is that title the name of the Campaign? Adventure? or how often you are posting for this story?
I haven't done more than read Dragon articles, but from what I have read, your short story here captures some of the Eberron flavor. I'd read this, if the story/campaign story hour/whatever continues.
GW
I haven't done more than read Dragon articles, but from what I have read, your short story here captures some of the Eberron flavor. I'd read this, if the story/campaign story hour/whatever continues.
GW
RangerWickett
Legend
As spoke the Pants, this is my writing sample for the Eberron novel search. I have since revised a few bits here and there, but that's the majority for ya. I'm glad you like it. Hopefully you will be able to read more of it in a few months.
RangerWickett
Legend
I already mailed this off, so I'm bumping it one last time before I take this post down tomorrow night.
RangerWickett,RangerWickett said:
Looks like I'm coming in late on this one. Here are my quick comments:
I _really_ like the main character and the opening scene. He's got that roguish charm (ala Man with no Name) that definitely makes him a perfect protagonist. The scene itself is reminiscent of the scene between Tuco and his brother in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. A lot of undercurrent. Very nice. I really like the last scene, as well. The warforged has a certain wry futility that is attractive. I have had a hard time getting my head around that race, and I think you helped me with this character portrait. Overall, the narrative is pretty tight and well constructed. The action flows nicely, as well.
I think you're walking a fine line between a darker than average D&D fantasy book and outright brutality with Labeth's scene. I can say that I was rather unsympathetic to her plight after her actions. The capper, "It took several strikes before the man stopped moving" cinched it for me. I'm really hoping she dies in a most painful manner. This may not be a feeling you want to evoke for one of your main characters. Overall, I found a handful of grammatical errors and a few instances of phrases used by the characters that might not evoke the setting as deeply as you like ("god damned" and "hell" were two that stood out).
Overall, I really like this piece. It's got the pulp feel, the anti-hero theme and is firmly rooted in the genre and WotC's campaign world. Thanks for a great story!
On a side note, I finally finished mine last night...or I should say at 6a this morning. One more edit and I'm going to overnight it to WotC. That single page synopsis was HARD!
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
Did you get the deal? If so, what will the name of the book be, if you know.
GW
GW
RangerWickett
Legend
Oh, no. I did not get the deal. I got a form letter response, like 280 other people. *grin* I just hope the guy who did get it (his name escapes me now, but you can find it with a little searching) lives up to a high standard.
