What one thing you ever done in your own personal history defines you?

[DungeonmasterCal]

18 years ago, after the ending of a truly disastrous and volatile relationship with a girl I'd known since grade school, I sank into a deep and very dark depression. A year later, I emerged with virtually no self-esteem. I have never recovered it. It has colored my life ever since, resulting in my not finishing college and a series of failed jobs, a marriage on the rocks, and the total lack of desire to try and better myself educationally or occupationally.

One year ago she contacted me for the first time since all that happened. We had several late night till dawn conversations in which we cried, forgave each other, and agreed none of it should ever have happened. I also told her we should never contact each other again, as she was like the most addictive of drugs, and if I were to slip once it would all begin again, because I knew how weak I was where she was concerned.

Yup, that's my defining moment, I'd say.

 

[twofalls]

This is a great thread, I love other people's stories, thank you for starting it, and thanks to those of you who are participating.

One of my grappling points in life has been with the fear of success or failure. When I was in the third grade I was given a test, a very hard test for someone of my age and I was the only one in my class who took it. I was taken by the school vice principle to the library, isolated in a small room three times in as many days, and took what seemed to be a harder version of the Standard Diagnostic tests I'd already taken several times. I didn't learn until many years later that it was the GED and I passed all three of the tests.

I did know that my father was very proud of me because I had done well on these tests and my parents treated me to a wonderful dinner and praised me quite a bit, however I was a bit mystified over it all. From that moment on my teachers treated me differently, expecting more of me and telling me constantly of how "capable" I was and that I should learn to “apply myself”. I recalled my father's pride and praise at those moments and started to fear that they might all be mistaken. What if I wasn't this prodigy they were claiming I was and someone had been played false. I stopped trying in school, doing poorly with my grades and disappointing many of my teachers. Most importantly I disappointed my father who couldn't understand why this gifted son who was so bright wouldn't perform to everyone’s expectations. It was all because I didn't want to prove to him and to myself that I was unworthy of his pride... it was easier to face self defeat.

It took my wife and my children (much later in life) to begin understanding that its not how smart you are or how talented you might be that makes you a person other people can love. It has far more to do with how you feel about yourself and how you show you’re love to others that matters. It's still very much a lesson that I'm learning today.

 

[ragboy]

My defining moment didn't get to me until I was 32 and the birth of my fourth child, though I thought that many things before that were 'defining.' I had always lived my life a bit randomly, barely pulling out saves when things got bad, and getting myself back on the right road. I went through my young life, the Army and then my early 20's on an absolute tirade of 'adventure,' usually involving alcohol, women and more dangerous things stemming from both. I kept my 'blood' friends close, but everyone else I just shed as I went.

Then I met 'the one' and married her without really considering anything else. We started having kids before we were 'financially viable' and I spent most of the first 10 years of our marriage trying to catch up (working 80-90 hour weeks and basically dying when I got home). Then, we hit a long stretch of prosperity and realized we didn't know each other, my three kids barely knew me, and I wasn't sure what I wanted any more.

It's taken the last few years, as well as a fall from that level of prosperity, to get back that 'magic' that should be there between married couples and at least that long for me to reconnect with my kids. When my youngest was born four years ago today, he was like a little epiphany. I realized that chasing more money than I really needed was one of the highest (lowest) forms of selfish behavior. I saw all the times that my other kids asked me to play with them and I told them I was too busy or 'later.' This little dude totally changed my life, and it should have been the first one that gave me that epiphany. I wasn't a bad Father, I didn't do anything to physically hurt them, but I missed so much and so did they. And, it's not like we never did anything fun, it's just that I somehow failed to notice all the insanely cool stuff I notice now with my youngest. Failed to learn all the important things that I'm learning now everytime I just sit with any of them and play, talk, goof off or whatever.

I'll always feel bad that the first three didn't have 100% of their Dad for those first few years, but I'm making up the miles left behind every day since then. If I get a request (demand) to play, I drop everything. Hell, I'd rather play with my kids than just about anything else.

Edit: Jeez! This board is better than therapy today. We have the nostaglic 'history' threads, the 'things you've done that no one else has' thread and now this one...

 

[Hellefire]

Sorry to divert..


Kemrain, thanks for the info. I didn't realize most of that. And good luck with matching your body with your mind, it must have been a helle of a battle. On a lighter note, I always like having a female body around so I can see the desire . Sorry, I use humor to deal with just about everything.

Ragboy...I fully understand. My situation is a bit different, but I am going through arguments with people around me and people I owe money to, arguments that jsut being there for my daughter is the most important thing. Yes, I want her to be able to eat (and so does she), but without time with the people we Love, the money is entirely useless. My father is very Loving, and a workaholic. So I had precious little of his time when I was young, though I could always eat. Huge grats on finding that in your life, and good job with all your kids.

Sorry I keep diverting this thread, and I pick and choose which people I am responding to. There are some others that I relate to some, but so far these have made me think/feel the most.

Aaron

 

[Kemrain]

Sorry to divert..

Kemrain, thanks for the info. I didn't realize most of that. And good luck with matching your body with your mind, it must have been a helle of a battle. On a lighter note, I always like having a female body around so I can see the desire . Sorry, I use humor to deal with just about everything.

Aaron

Thank you, for your understanding and willingness to learn. I don't mind the humor at all. I'm just glad someone replied to my post. I'd have been crushed if it went by without remark.

- Kemrain the Pleased.

 

[howandwhy99]

snipped

 

[Rel]

howandwhy99, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the pain you must have to suffer and I admire your ability to endure. I wish you love and luck.

 

[WayneLigon]

I suspect the defining moment for future events came almost two years ago when I lost my mother. She adopted me late in life and around about the time most people leave the nest, I was seeing it was time for me to stay and provide some care and comfort to her; my Dad had died many years before and she never recovered from that, not really. Save for one brother and one woman she talked to regularly, she outlived all her relatives and friends by almost two decades. Now, I just have one friend and a job keeping me in a city and state and region I've hated most of my life. I have no idea what I will do or what will happen.

 

[Tarrasque Wrangler]

What event has defined you the most?

This one time, at band camp...

 

[BlackSilver]

Letting go of my family, my past and seeking a better life- the life I wanted nearly nine years ago is now the one I have.

Drop kicking two guys in the back, then standing my ground against a half dozen guys while my girlfriend ran for help. It was a slaughter, but it truely defined me. Standing against what I knew was impossible odds, and telling her to "run!" I learned a lot that night.

Seeing my family again and remembering why I had told them "good bye," in the first place.