When Is It Time To Quit?

[Thimble the Squit]

Scary ex-players and when to quit

I once had to oust a player from my group because he started throwing shuriken -- at my head. I was only about 13 then (this was like 20 years ago) so I wasn't terribly good with the whole confrontation thing. I phoned him up and told him that we'd moved to Scotland -- and then spent the next few years in dread of bumping into him...

As for the actual question, "When is it time to quit?", it's time to give it up and move on when you're not having fun. D&D is a game and, therefore, something that's supposed to be fun. If it isn't, quit.

On the other hand, it isn't always that simple if your group are actually fairly good mates. I have found myself in a group for quite a while where the DM and I get along really well -- but we disagree quite strongly over his style of DMing. I don't think he gets the balance right and I think his game has suffered for it. I have remained in the group (through long periods of tedious RPing interspersed with the occasional drawn-out and bloody TPK monster-bash) because I remain loyal to my mate despite our disagreements. I linger in the hopes that he will eventually improve...

We begin a new campaign when one of the guys gets back from his honeymoon (if he's allowed to game again now he's hitched) -- I await changes with trepidation.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Let me be the voice of dissent. I think gaming groups are much like relationships. It is unlikely that you will ever find a perfect one, so once you find one that is pretty good you need to put some work in to make it great. It sounds like you haven't, by not discussing your problems with your fellow players.

Well, what he describes doesn't sound "pretty good". It sounds "pretty bad". If you have problems with someone, if you can't cope with their style, and if they don't like to talk about these problems, you have to leave them. That's true for a relationship and a gaming party.


I hate "bitching circles". I need a party where I can play the way I like (not that I'm focussed on one style and don't even look at others, but some styles just aren't made for me. If I have to make a dex check to avoid strangling myself with my boot laces, for example). I need people I'd hang out with anyway (even if I don't actually do). If I am in a game where the style's bad, the atmosphere is unbearable, and I have to restrain the urge to hit people, then I'm at the wrong place.


I quit campaigns. before. They played AD&D (which I don't like, and after I played D&D 3 and saw how good things could be, I started to hate it!), or rather didn't: We didn't have a session for months - and the info that the session was cancelled yet again usually reached me on Sunday, 15:30. We played 4 pm on Sundays.... The reason usually was lack of players, cause people didn't show up if the weather has been good or they brought something good on TV or whatever - and they didn't bother to tell anyone, except half an hour before the session would have started (sometimes we assembled, only to go home again at around 5pm cause noone showed up). I also didn't like the gaming style much.

At the moment, I'm considering leaving my Vampire game, for we didn't have a game there, either.

 

[Gundark]

same here

On the other hand, it isn't always that simple if your group are actually fairly good mates. I have found myself in a group for quite a while where the DM and I get along really well -- but we disagree quite strongly over his style of DMing. I don't think he gets the balance right and I think his game has suffered for it. I have remained in the group (through long periods of tedious RPing interspersed with the occasional drawn-out and bloody TPK monster-bash) because I remain loyal to my mate despite our disagreements. I linger in the hopes that he will eventually improve...

.

My good friend and I have quite different gaming styles. I am "by the book" and he is "very liberal" with rules. We just don't mesh with RPGs. Consequnetly we don't play in the others game. We do have other things outside rpgs that we have in common. We talked this over and came this this conclusion. We don't take offense to the other's gaming tastes.

Back to the orginal topic...quit....don't get to the point where you hate gaming. Find a group that you are compatible with...or take a break. just my 2 cents.

 

[AeroDm]

I think it is important to note that when it stops being fun you should quit. However, just because teh game stops being fun doesn't mean you should quit. For instance, my group has tons of problems... and I mean tons. We go through campaigns like water, DMs switch constantly, I (the former permanent DM) now refuse to DM because I realized that the group wants a game _significantly_ different than what I want to DM and thus I am not the right DM for this group.

However, the guys I game with are my good friends. The gaming basically sucks, but I have a great time getting together, eating food, drinking soda, chatting away, and so on.

Granted it sounds like you end frustrated (and thus probably don't have a good time doing other activities), which means your situation is a little different.

I'd say that when you stop looking forward to the event it is time to quit.

 

[TheNameless14590]

I'm realy sorry to hear that someone is thinking of quitting. My sugggestion is to leave the group you are in right now and find another one. And before the first session talk to the DM and make sure what kind of game you are getting into. Bit to me it seems like you just have a very incompatible group.

Best of luck, and just do wahtever makes you the happiest.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

It's getting to the point were I am seriously starting to think that the negatives of playing DnD or with this particular group are starting to outweigh the positives.

When do you know it's time to call it quits?

I think the problem may be more with that particular group. Could you imagine playing with other people? Perhaps try to find a different, maybe smaller group who have styles of play similiar to your own. I'd hate to see you give up on your hobby because of one group of people. If you switch groups and still feel this way, then perhaps it's time to take a break from gaming for a while, and focus on another hobby

Best,
Sheri

 

[dreaded_beast]

Thanks for all the responses so far.

I can honestly say that this has been very helpful, in terms of helping me to determine my course of action.

I hope it doesn't seem as if I am solely placing blame on my group for not having the amount of fun that I desire or lack thereof. I realize that I too can be the cause of my unhappiness within the group, stemming from my own personal views and differences. I guess it is my own inability to be upfront with my problems with others for fear of backlash that has caused me to feel this way.

Basically, this is what my situation has boiled down to:

I leave the session feeling semi-unfulfilled or irritated at some grievance (real or imaginary), whether it be a ruling I disagree with, inability to speak my mind without fear of backlash, etc. That sense of irritation and unfulfillment is strong during the course of the week, but slowly ebbs as the day of game session draws near, my love of DnD superseding whatever anger or resentment I had been feeling from the past session. I arrive at the gaming session enthusiastic, but not as enthusiastic as I once was when I first started gaming with this group. As the game progresses, things crop up that bother or irritate me, but I try to ignore them in order to focus on the game or to prevent the game from stopping and turning into a big arguement as I attempt to speak mind.

Re-reading what I have wrote so far, it may come accross more negatively than I intended. I can honestly say that nearly every session has been enjoyable and fun in terms of the "game" itself, but that may not be the case in regards to the "social" interactions with other members of the group. There are some resentments and bottled-up feelings. As one poster mentioned, there are rare times when discussions do happen, but do not go far in solving personal problems, at least in my case. However, I guess that my overall love of DnD is what has been keeping me at the table so far.

Plus, I spent alot of time building up my 19th level cleric. That would be alot of Sunday afternoons that would go down the drain.

Has anyone ever felt the same, where they game with people that they would not otherwise associate with (the intent is not to sound elitest or stuck up), only because they love DnD that much?

 

[Elf Witch]

Thanks for all the responses so far.
I leave the session feeling semi-unfulfilled or irritated at some grievance (real or imaginary), whether it be a ruling I disagree with, inability to speak my mind without fear of backlash, etc. That sense of irritation and unfulfillment is strong during the course of the week, but slowly ebbs as the day of game session draws near, my love of DnD superseding whatever anger or resentment I had been feeling from the past session. I arrive at the gaming session enthusiastic, but not as enthusiastic as I once was when I first started gaming with this group. As the game progresses, things crop up that bother or irritate me, but I try to ignore them in order to focus on the game or to prevent the game from stopping and turning into a big arguement as I attempt to speak mind.

Re-reading what I have wrote so far, it may come accross more negatively than I intended. I can honestly say that nearly every session has been enjoyable and fun in terms of the "game" itself, but that may not be the case in regards to the "social" interactions with other members of the group. There are some resentments and bottled-up feelings. As one poster mentioned, there are rare times when discussions do happen, but do not go far in solving personal problems, at least in my case. However, I guess that my overall love of DnD is what has been keeping me at the table so far.

Has anyone ever felt the same, where they game with people that they would not otherwise associate with (the intent is not to sound elitest or stuck up), only because they love DnD that much?

Oh my god does this sound familiar. I had a thread like this a few weeks ago. I got an e-mail today from one of my gaming buddies asking if I changed my user name.

I was going to quit my game because of hidden resentments and the fact that I would leave the sessions feeling unfulfilled and bottled up feelings. I didn't want to leave because I love playing ang these people are great guys.

My advice to you is to first figure out exactly what you want from the game. Then look at what is bothering you. Maybe write it down then take an honest apporach and look to see if you are contributing to any of your unhappiness. Then here is the hard part it was for me open your mouth get a discussion going. I was afraid of a backlash too but it didn't happen. I find it helps if you are willing to admit to what you have been doing wrong it makes it seem less like an attack and others are more willing to listen and respond in a favorable way.

The fact that you are not sure about leaving says to me that you would rather work things out. That you are just looking for reasons to stay. I would try to fix things first and if it does not work out then leave

 

[marshaldwm]

i completely disagree. a bad day of gaming is better than a good day at work.

Naw, I get paid to have bad days at work. I generally have to PAY to have bad gaming days. I don't pay for that

 

[diaglo]

Naw, I get paid to have bad days at work. I generally have to PAY to have bad gaming days. I don't pay for that

as hong noted i was kidding. thus the smiley. i love what i do at work.