dreaded_beast, do I know you?
Actually, the subject of your post sounds EXTREMELY familiar to me. Almost dead-on, in fact. I'm considering moving on from my current gaming group due to very similar issues (add into this irregular attendance by a couple of the group members, as well as personal issues that disrupt gameplay/attendance/membership, & I'd say that it's REALLY dead-on).
It's not just them--honestly, work has often left me "burnt out," & I really don't have time to prep for running games like I used to. But another thing that does affect my efforts is the general lack of attention & enthusiasm by the players--why invest so much time & effort into a game that no one really interacts with or has an interest in? I know that one of the players (my girlfriend) pretty much loses interest in the game (and the prospect of gaming in general) due to the lack of focus & interest from the other players.
(However, as a side note, she really doesn't like having to schedule her free time--something that's not really feasible when trying to get together & do stuff with other people who have their own lives to deal with--but that's another issue entirely.)
The only gaming I've had within quite a few weeks (if not a few months) has been playing D&D-style console games, or CRPGs. It's entertaining, but honestly, it leaves something to be desired. I used to play an PBeM Marvel SAGA game, but the relatively slow pace (compared to a tabletop game) hindered my enthusiasm and interest in the game.
I've quit gaming before (when I really needed to focus on schoolwork), but I always want to start gaming again. I enjoy it a lot, & I want to keep playing as long as I can. It's a hobby that I'm very interested in maintaining, although it's had to go on the back burner when real life issues came to the forefront.
To tell you the truth, it's a very difficult decision to make--I've known a few of these people since high school. In some cases, some of my old gaming group moved away, dealing with their own lives. In other cases, some issue has come between people, causing a pretty bad break (not just different opinions that lead to a split, but really big friendship/relationship issues that caused a split).
Ultimately, if you really think that it's time to move on, then you should. Don't hope for people to change--they may be hoping that you change to fit their ideal, just as much as you may be hoping that they change to fit your ideal. Just accept them for who they are, and if you don't feel comfortable gaming with them, politely let them know how and why you feel that way, and just look elsewhere. It may take you a good amount of time to find just the right group, but eventually, you will (I know I'm still searching--maybe I'll meet them soon, hopefully).
As for your second question (the love of gaming vs. the company you keep): to be honest, it has been an issue with me. I know that, though I generally liked some people, I decided not to game with them because it simply wasn't the kind of game I'd want to play. One group who's invited me (not anyone here, BTW--another group with some members that I've known since high school) doesn't old my interest, either: the game style favored by most of them doesn't match up with mine (more high-power, free-form, & customized games, striving for a uber-heroic feel). Also, one of the members of that group was formerly a member of my current group who left after a personal dispute with some other members--BTW, that person's unusually high dice roll averages are quite suspect, to say the least.
I hate to sound shallow & crass, but as I grow older (I'll hit the big 3-0 by the end of '04), I find that I want to associate with better quality people--relatively educated, relatively clean-living, respectful of other's wishes & opinions, and at the least, direct & open about their issues. Believe me, I know I need to improve myself, but then again, to a certain degree, it is about the company you keep.
On a side note, someone here was very kind enough to respond to my post about finding gamers in my spot of the U.S. (see my .sig), but unfortunately work & moving into a new house has completely hampered my ability to effectively stay in contact with people. I feel like I ruined my chance with this new group because of it. If that person just so happens to read this post, I'd like to apologize for failing to keep in contact--I wouldn't blame the person (or the group) if said invitation was revoked.
Well, that's my 2 bits on the matter.
), I think your communication problem might follow you to other groups (though, with no information on the other members, maybe it's all them and not you, *shrug*)... I think it might do you well to discuss - even if you don't like "being upfront with your problems". Whether we like it or not, gaming is a social activity. Of course, if you really don't like the people and are there only because you like D&D, then run! Run away! It's not worth it!
