When players clash

[pogre]

fusangite hit this one on the head - recruit a new player. Everything else will fall into place.

If he shows up and asks why - be honest.

I don't really see the need for a confrontation here though - just give him an invitation and let him know he can show up or not. He will remove himself from the scenario.

 

[SuperGamera]

A few thoughts, having been caught on the bad side of a player group in the past:
- Do you see this person outside of gaming? Are they easier to deal with in a non gaming situation? Maybe he wants to socialize with your group, but just isn't into the gaming part of it anymore.
- Try setting up a non-gaming event. See if he shows for that. Maybe it's the game, and not the players he's frustrated with.
- Is there something else going on in their life that is distracting them? Sometimes, when there are other things in your life going bad, the last thing you want is for your entertainment to be a frustrating experience as well.
- Tell them they just can't expect to be planned around, when they have not shown up in the past. If they still want to play, fit them in with a "guest role" for the times they show. Maybe this will be less stressed, and may enjoy the chance to play the "bad guys" for a change.
- Finally, if he continues to be a problem, just stop actively inviting him. If he still wants to show, tell him the ground rules for behavior. Just make sure EVERYONE in the group is willing to sick to the same standards.

While there may be satisfaction in "putting it to him" or his character, nothing is gained from it in the long run, and you've burned a bridge that should have been left on its own.

 

[painandgreed]

Excuses to nicely kick somebody out of a game, or at least uninvite them:

1) The party is in the middle of something so there's no way to work your character in right now

2) we have just enough/too many players right now and don't need another one

3) we're not playing anymore

4) we're playtesting some stuff right now and would rather not introduce more variables

5) we're thinking about playing <insert game he hates> this week. I know you don't like it so I thought I'd warn you.

6) we don't have enough chairs

 

[BlackSilver]

Please explain this to me

ENWorlders,

I am not sure I understand this disposable friends attitude that I have seen here on ENWorld. Could someone please explain this to me.

If Aerodm is asking us our opinion on how best to handle a situation with a friend then I believe he is concerned for the well being of his friend, yet it seems that when a question like this arises on ENWorld the first thing almost everyone says is- “kick ‘em out,” or “get rid of him and get a new Player.”

Is this the direction that our world has turned, is this the way we wish to be treated? Shouldn’t we have some concern for those we call friend?

 

[Darmanicus]

Are you feeling ok BS or have you not read the post properly?

The guy in question seems to be disruptive and is ruining everyone elses game. Surely a 'friend' would not behave like this.

 

[BlackSilver]

Are you feeling ok BS or have you not read the post properly?

The guy in question seems to be disruptive and is ruining everyone elses game. Surely a 'friend' would not behave like this.

Yes, I have read the posts. :\

I just find it odd that no one wants to find out what is the core problem with the Player in question. He could be having problems of depression, self-esteem, his mother could be dying from cancer, or something like this, mean while his friend are brushing him off.

Friendship is about taking the good and the bad of someone in stride, helping them through difficult times and accepting the assistance of those you call friend in kind. Yet here on the boards it seems that no one wishes to make that effort.

Perhaps I am just being naïve, or perhaps I have a stronger connection to my friends, but I can not find it within myself to just brush a friend off without knowing why?

 

[monkeyshines]

If you had a friend who stood you up most of the times that you made non-gaming plans, what would you do? I for one would probably stop making plans with him. I would say just stop inviting him to the games, since that seems to be the problem area. He probably just isn't into gaming anymore, but the fact that he shows up at all probably means he still wants to hang out in some capacity. Just do other things with him and consider him one of you now non-gamer friends.

 

[JoeGKushner]

For me, if you can't be my friend without playing in a D&D game I'm running, then I really don't want you as a friend.

Should everyone suffer because your play style doesn't mesh with theirs? Not in my book.

I don't believe in punishing myself so that all my friends can be at one table and my friends thank me for that.

 

[HiLiphNY]

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. . . .


I agree with Spock. Cut him loose.

 

[JesterPoet]

Are you feeling ok BS or have you not read the post properly?

The guy in question seems to be disruptive and is ruining everyone elses game. Surely a 'friend' would not behave like this.

Actually, Darmanicus, it would appear that you are the one who did not read the post properly:

...That said, he is a friend outside of the game...

Now, you may not agree with Aero's definition of "friend," but that's irrelevant. He considers this person a friend, and is looking for a comfortable, kind way to resolve the situation.

Is this the direction that our world has turned, is this the way we wish to be treated? Shouldn’t we have some concern for those we call friend?

Actually, I think it is more a community trend. I don't see this a trend in the whole world. As much as I love ENworld, I have never seen such an incredible level of disregard for friendship in the name of something insignificant as I have here.

Yet, at the same time, it's important to remember that it's still a vocal minority. Don't lose faith!