Why can't you be prepared for a game session

[Bullgrit]

I have two young children. When I get home from work each day, I play with the family, or run errands with the family. We do the family dinner thing. We do the bath thing. We read books, tuck in, and turn off the lights.

Then the wife and I straighten up around the house, clean the kitchen, etc. By then, we're pretty darn exhausted. We either relax and watch TV, or we go to bed. Often, though, I'll get on the computer and do what I need to do for my D&D game (when I'm the DM).

If it weren't for the children, I'd have sooo much free time during the evenings and weekends. But even with the family stuff, I still have time to have my game stuff ready for Friday evenings when we play. And a DM has 10 times more stuff to do than the players. I create monsters, create locations, paint minis, draw maps, etc. When I'm not DMing, and have just a PC to keep up with, I usually have my character sheet upgraded to the next level within 24 hours of the game session where I earned the level up.

But then when we get together on Friday nights, one of the players sits down then and updates his character sheet for the level gained last session. When everyone puts their minis on the game table, one player mentions how he's been meaning to paint his, but just hasn't gotten around to it yet. One player forgot his character sheet and has to recreate it right then. Then during the game, one player has to look up the turning rules so he can turn the zombies coming down the hall.

Although I've never directly asked this of the [childless] players, I can't help but wonder: What the hell do they do with all their free time?

I have never shown up at a game session without my stuff all ready -- as the DM or as a player. If I want a mini painted, I paint it. If I'm playing a character with X ability, I'll have the rule memorized before ever playing the character in a game.

I have very little time to work on my hobby stuff, and half the little time I do have is "wasted" with either watching TV or playing computer games (or going to bed early). But I have never failed to be fully prepared for a game session.

So I'm asking this general question to all you RPG players here: What eats up your time so much that prevents you from being fully ready at the game table each session? How is it that I, with two young children (that require a ton of attention), can find time to prepare for a game as a DM, but you can't find 5 minutes to update your character sheet, or 10 minutes to read a rule, or 30 minutes to paint a mini (if you want the mini painted), or 5 minutes to ensure you have everything you need for the game session?

[/rant]

Bullgrit

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

The Universe and I have no children and we game at our apartment... but there's a lot of reasons that I am often behind or not prepared. I have a job, and school, and a desperate need for sleep that doesn't seem to get fulfilled quite as often as I'd like because of those two things.

Moreover, when we game, I'm in charge of managing the pets. So - every time the dog needs to go out - I take him out. Many times, this means the game keeps going and I'm left behind. When I come back in it's my turn and I have to decide spur-of-the-moment what my action is going to be, look up any important rules, etc.

Having children is a huge responsibility and I have no doubt that you are incredibly busy... but - just because you don't have children does not mean that you have insane amounts of free time... and if you do... maybe you just choose to fill that free time with some other hobby or obligation. Not all people want their gaming to spill over into anything but their gaming session... so - they don't think about it outside of the game table.

*shrugs*

I can fully understand why it annoys you that your players don't have their work done, but remember - children aren't the end-all-be-all of obligations and responsibilities. Maybe their boss is really rinding them and they've been working 10 hour days, maybe they are fighting with their significant other, or maybe they've just gotten really into the Alias Season 3 DVDs and can't tear their eyes away from the TV. In any event, D&D is just a game and may not necessarily take any precedence in their life outside of the actual game. *shrugs and smiles*

((I should really stop prattling on on these damned message boards and write a paper... but I probably won't!)

 

[Rel]

I feel a bit of your pain, Bullgrit.

All but one of my players have kids so they have at least as much responsibility as I do there. Most of them take considerable joy in levelling their characters and several also do other activities that support our game, namely painting minis and making terrain.

But there is one guy...

He's almost always a bit late to the session and outside the session he does essentially nothing that has to do with the game. The only really big issue I've got with this has to do with him levelling his character. So my basic rule is that if your character is not ready to go by the start of the session then you have to play the PC at whatever level they're at. I've found that since he moved to a fairly "basic" sort of PC (a non-spellcasting Fighter/Rogue), he doesn't have nearly as much book keeping and usually levels the character at the end of the session where he made the level.

But that is somewhat beside the point. The real issue is that you as the GM don't feel appreciated for your efforts. And over the long run that can only lead to resentment and very likely "GM Burnout". So I suggest that you address your group at the start of the next session and tell them that when they put no effort into the game it makes you feel like your own efforts are somewhat wasted. Tell them that you don't expect them to put in as much effort as you do but outline some basic requirements like having their character sheets updated and knowing the rules that apply to their characters.

If they won't comply then it indicates that they don't value your efforts and that would make me tend to say, "Ok, then I'm going to need to let someone else GM for a while."

 

[atom crash]

Last week I was finishing a great book ("A Confederacy of Dunces") stayed up late a few nights in a row. And I picked up "Magic of Incarnum" and have been reading through that.

This week I've got a 10-episode marathon of Firefly saved on my DVR I need to watch so I can clear them off and make room for shows I want to record and watch next week.

Luckily our regularly scheduled session has been postponed for the past two weeks. I'll be prepared for next week's session.

There's ALWAYS something that will come up to take up your "free time." It's one of those universal constants.

 

[Gnome]

Wow, I could have almost written this myself, except that I'm currently a player and not the DM. My wife and I work have two young children that require a lot of attention as well, but we managed to have our characters ready for the first game session, whereas others were still choosing skills, feats, equipment, etc. at the last minute.

While I agree with Queen_Dopplepopolis that it's not just a kids vs no kids thing, I'm pretty sure that those who didn't comer prepared to the last session have more spare time in general than we do.

 

[JoeGKushner]

Maybe it's just not that important to them?

I can see how not painting a figure can become something not important.

I can see not levelling up a character being not important.

For me, as a player, I still have to look up the wonky turning rules. They should've made that a skill check instead of a werid level check and then the 2d6 + level bit. Or stuck with the old matrix. Lots of options they had there but it's a funky mechanic.

To some people, D&D is a game and the only time it comes into play, is when they're playing it. It's like that old song right, "Players only love you when they're playing."

 

[JoeBlank]

The short answer: Priorities.

I don't mean that in a judgemental way at all. Many gamers (probably the vast majority of us who post on EN World) are very involved in the hobby. We devote some time virtually every day to thinking about the game, if not to actually working on game prep.

But there exist those players who think little to nothing of the game between sessions. They show up, have just as much fun as everyone else, go home and put their PHB and character sheet away, and don't give game another thought until the next session. Sort of like casual sports fans who will watch a football game v. the sports nut who will visit web sites (ESPN.com v. EN World), crunch stats (ERA v. CR), and read everything published about his favorite sub-genres (Braves v. Eberron).

While there is certainly nothing wrong with not being as involved as others, it can frustrate those who spend a lot of time on the game. The best advise I have heard is simply to enjoy the game on your terms. The time you spend preparing should be "fun" time for you, and not feel like work. Then allow others to enjoy the game on their terms, without expecting them to devote time they will not enjoy.

Of course, the exception is players taking up too much time at the game table, when limited time is available for actual play. I can see mentioning this to them ahead of time, reminding a player a few days ahead of a session that his PC has leveled, and even offering to help get the PC ready.

 

[Savage Wombat]

I know EXACTLY how Bullgrit feels - right down to the two small kids.

I understand when players don't get stuff done between games - things come up. What drives me nuts is when, as far as I can tell, players haven't even THOUGHT about the game between sessions - even something as simple as "what kind of character would you like to play?" Aren't they at least looking forward to the next game?

 

[JoeBlank]

I meant to add something on the subject of free time. I too have a job, kids, and other things that take up my time.

However, I often find that I manage time much better when I am busy. Maybe something just kicks in and convinces me not to "waste" time when I realize that it is so limited.

Oftentimes when I have a dozen things on my "honey-do" list for the weekend, plus my sons' baseball games, plus a game session, it seems impossible and yet I somehow manage to get everything done. Then the next weekend I get in the mode of thinking "I have practically no responsibilities, just need to take care of that one little thing" and then I let time slip away and don't get anything accomplished.

Make sense?

 

[Warrior Poet]

Don't have kids.

Recent time sucks include: work, getting to and from work (my commute averages 45 minutes one way, can be 1.5 hours on really bad days; I'm a passenger and I'd work in the car, but I get car sick; when I take the train, I can work/read/update characters/etc.), exercise, laundry, apartment clean-up (I'm behind on this), grocery shopping, coordinating a reunion, attending class, travel to a wedding (one leg of the trip was 12 hours; I got stuff done, but it's difficult when constantly broken into chunks), the actual wedding itself, band practice, getting to our group's game site (1 hour drive one way; also the site of band practice), paying bills/monthly checkbook balancing, getting to the library/bookstore to pick up texts for class, homework, XBox (this is an evil thing, and I freely admit that I could be using that time to do other things. I have a problem, and the first step in overcoming it is admitting it), looking for a new job, researching grad school, personal reading, personal writing, sleep (sometimes I forget what that feels like), housing and entertaining guests from out-of-town, and playing our band's first-ever public gig (not as glamorous as it sounds, although more fun than I could have ever imagined).

To name a few.

You probably do many of those same things, AND you have kids. I should note that I haven't actually had the opportunity to roll dice in actual play in, well, months. Many months.

Seems like many days, life happens faster than my ability to live it. Good luck with managing the time; I know I need all the help I can get, and I don't have dependents.

Warrior Poet