Lanefan
Victoria Rules
I wonder if part of the problem is that you're arbitrarily defining it as a "collaborative storytelling game" when in fact the only universally-accepted word in there is "game".The problem is that the DM has forgotten that it's a collaborative storytelling game.
Calling it a storytelling game implies someone's telling a story, which by extension means everyone else is consuming said story. Probably not what you meant, hm? Call it a "story creation game" and maybe you're on sounder footing...and maybe not.
As for collaborative, that's also not universal by any means; particularly in old-school circles where the DM really is out to (fairly and neutrally) kill the PCs and the players are out to make sure their PCs survive her best attempts. (side note: IMO the game by far works best when played this way)
Depends. If the player is saying no to the hooks without proactively suggesting or doing something else, there's a problem. But if the player's saying no to doing this because the PC would rather be doing that, then IMO it's on the DM to react and be ready to run something other than what she might first have had in mind.If the player doesn't want to engage with those hooks, the DM should talk to the player and design better hooks.