Why do women send mixed signals?

[KenM]

Read what I'm saying. I'm saying you're not even by a longshot. You are hurting them worse than they are hurting you.

Now, perhaps they're better equipped for being hurt that way. Perhaps they're not.

Are you willing to live with the consequences if they're not?

They did'nt seem to concerened about the consequences when they made the decsion to lie to me. Like I said, we are even.

 

[I'm A Banana]

When I do end it woth someone due to a lie, ect.. I don't tell them, I just don't call them, ect.. They lied to me and are not worth my time/ thoughts anymore. If they think so bad of me to lie to me, then I don't have time to do the right thing with them.

This is itself deceptive and dishonest. It's not lying, but it's conniving, manipulative, and ultimately really mean. You don't tell them how you feel, you just let them come to their own conclusions? Don't even have the guts to face them? That's pretty cowardly...not to mention childish, playground-style crap. The silent treatment? What are we, 8? Be an adult and confront the problem!

Newsflash: If someone lies to you once, that doesn't mean they think badly of you. If they think badly of you, why would they talk to you in the first place?

They did'nt seem to concerened about the consequences when they made the decsion to lie to me. Like I said, we are even.

And we're back to you holding everyone to an impossibly high standard. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. And not forgiving them is saying that you're better then them. You make mistakes, too, right?

 

[The Traveler]

They did'nt seem to concerened about the consequences when they made the decsion to lie to me. Like I said, we are even.

It's not a zero-sum proposition, Ken.

If you continue like this, it's only going to get worse. I just hope you wise up before you've burned too many bridges to come back.

 

[KenM]

This is itself deceptive and dishonest.

They were deceptive and dishonest with me, like I said, we are even.

 

[KenM]

It's not a zero-sum proposition, Ken.

If you continue like this, it's only going to get worse. I just hope you wise up before you've burned too many bridges to come back.

I have not had any regret yet, I don't expect to.

 

[The Traveler]

They were deceptive and dishonest with me, like I said, we are even.

Nobody is ever going to meet your standards. You are unwilling to compromise, and you don't care who you hurt in the process.

Now tell me, if you met someone like you, and were on the outside looking in, how would you feel about that person?

I have not had any regret yet, I don't expect to.

I don't know what else to say, then.

Enjoy being alone with your high-minded principles.

 

[I'm A Banana]

They were deceptive and dishonest with me, like I said, we are even.

Are we eight? Do we need an eye for an eye? Or are you just so self-centered and coldhearted that you think that causing others pain is the only way to alleviate your own?

I don't think you really are, but that's the impression a lot of people will get when you stop talking to them because of a single lie.

There are consequences for a broach of trust, but if for you those consequences are always "screw you, you hurt me, you don't deserve any kindness!" like some petulant playground kid, is it really that surprising that human beings, who make mistakes, who try to do good but often fail, who need forgiveness and room to breathe, aren't around as much as maybe you'd like them to be? If because they can't pass your little tests, you flunk them out of your life?

 

[KenM]

And we're back to you holding everyone to an impossibly high standard. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. And not forgiving them is saying that you're better then them. You make mistakes, too, right?

Yes I have made mistakes. Making the mistake of trusting them in the first place and having my heart torn out. Or being made a fool of because of being lied to. I make sure that I don't make that mistake with that person again.
When I have screwed up with my step dad, I would tell him I was sorry, he would tell me "sorry does not make it ok!" So I have that in my head. I'm trying to work on that as well.

 

[Hijinks]

I know it can be really easy to get angry when someone asks for help and doesn't seem to acecpt your help.

It's like the woman at your workplace who's overweight and moans about it all the time; when you suggest "Why not go down to the free fitness center and work out?" she responds with "Oh, I never have the time." To which you say, "You can work out over your lunch break." She says, "Oh, then I'd have to take a shower." You say, "I do it all the time, and I just work out for 30 minutes, shower, and am back at work on time." Final response: "Well, my hair takes FOREVER to dry..." at which you throw up your hands and avoid her from then on.

The moral here is that, some people just want to complain. They may ASK for advice/help/etc, but when they do the above and just give excuse after excuse, you just have to accept that they don't really want help, and move on.

Now, if someone had said to the woman above, "Here, take this pill, you will instantly lose 30 pounds," then she would have been perfectly happy to listen to the advice. However, any common sense advice she'd be given would not be what she wanted to hear. Ditto with KenM. He asked for advice, but what he wanted to hear was "Everyone else is being very mean to you. The woman on the internet is a big <bad word>. You are perfect and it's very horrible that you have this affliction, how ever do you handle it?" But we took him at his word and gave him honest, helpful advice. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. So there's really no point in pursuing it, IMHO.

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

They did'nt seem to concerened about the consequences when they made the decsion to lie to me. Like I said, we are even.

Oh. My. ing. God.

So she lied to you.

Grow up and get over it. Who in the hell are you to think that they can't even tell you that they like the shirt when they hate it? Who the hell are you to judge whether someone lied to you saying they'd meet you at the bar, when they had found out they had to take thier aunt to the mall?

Honestly, you're coming across less as someone with Asperger's and more like a spoiled child who wants everyone to be perfect and exactly how they want.

What are you bringing to the table? In the interest of fair trade, if they have to be careful not to even accidently omit a section of the truth or be WRONG when dealing with you, what are you bringing to the table in the relationship?

The only woman who will NEVER lie to you is available here for only a couple hundred dollars. That's about it. People lie whenever it is to thier advantage and they don't view the consequences. The consequences of a high-maintenance drama queen no longer associating with me because I told him that I like his new girlfriend when I hate her so bad it makes my teeth hurt? None for me. "Yeah, I like her."

We've all got problems, everyone has a little bit here and there. Hell, *I* have problems, and most of the time I don't lie because I don't feel the other person is worth the effort and I don't really care about them. Yeah, that's a problem.

The "I'm better than you" and "It's everyone else's, even God's fault..." and other excuses have a zero maximum effective range, and your wriggling to come up with reasons why you can't bother to learn about basic human interaction, even after you've been told how to go about this, doesn't strike me as a symptom of Asperger's, but rather the outlook of a spoiled child who wants everything given to them.

Do your own work. You've been handed the tools, given the istructions.