Why do women send mixed signals?

[The Shaman]

I do take risks, why do you think I have an online personal ad up.

So far what I've heard you say over and over is that you've created a buffer for yourself in which anyone may enter provided they exist on your terms. You screen your dates through the service, you tell them what's expected of them up front, and if they can't live up to your standards, standards which originate in large part because of the nature of your disability, then you don't want to have anything to do with them.

You say that you're trying to adapt to the world, but it seems that what you've done is create a cocoon for yourself out of your disability so that you can avoid taking steps to engage with world on the world's terms.

But when I find out someone lies to me, no matter how small, I feel like that person is saying "you are not good enough to be told how I really feel or whats really going on, so screw him."

With proper skill development you could learn to understand that they are not lying to you, that you're the one who can't decode correctly and take every statement at its literal value - but that's hard to do when you choose to stay within that cocoon of yours.

So when I find out about the lie, I end it with them. Even though I tell people upfront to be honest with me.

I've never seen anyone in anything resembling a healthy relationship where one partner dictates the terms to the other.

Take this at its most literal: YOU NEED HELP, and not the kind of help you're going to get from a dating service, or an escort service.

 

[KenM]

Maybe i should just start to lie to EVERYONE, all the time. When someone calls me on it I'll just shrug and say: "well, its ok in society to lie, so I'm not doing anything wrong. Deal with it."
I did try professnial help. At the first session, after I told the Doc everything I thought I had issues with, my AS, everything, She looked right at me and said "I don't know what I can do to help you." Her EXACT WORDS. So I asked her what I was doing there, paid her my $10.00 copay, and left. I came out of that thinking that I took a risk and tryed to change, and this is what God does to help me? God must not want me to get help then, so I have to accept who I am.

 

[The Traveler]

Maybe i should just start to lie to EVERYONE, all the time. When someone calls me on it I'll just shrug and say: "well, its ok in society to lie, so I'm not doing anything wrong. Deal with it."

You are making missing the point an Olympic-grade sport in this thread.

 

[I'm A Banana]

But if I end it, they won't lie to me and make me feel like a fool for trusting them again. You know the saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."

This is part of the choice. You can be a fool to trust them again, or you can be a jerk for forever penalizing them because they didn't meet your sky-high standards.

Being a fool at least allows you to keep that human contact, and they can prove that they are deeper than the words they say, the mistakes they make, and the lies they tell. Every person is. No one is limited by their errors.

For me, being a jerk meant being alone, and I'd much rather be a fool than alone.

People are fools. People make mistakes. You'll make them, too. Probably already have. You won't ever stop. There will always be reasons to shame on you, no matter what your choice.

The people who are worthy of you trust, at least IMHO, are the people who choose not to hold your mistakes against you. Nobody's perfect, after all. We all need to be accepted for what we do wrong.

 

[ColonelHardisson]

I guess the only thing I can say anymore is this: if one has a problem with everyone else, it's not everyone else that has the problem.

Society has certain norms that everyone adheres to if they wish to be a part of society. One cannot refuse to adhere to those norms and expect society to change to suit. It works for billions, so there must be something to it.

 

[KenM]

When I do end it woth someone due to a lie, ect.. I don't tell them, I just don't call them, ect.. They lied to me and are not worth my time/ thoughts anymore. If they think so bad of me to lie to me, then I don't have time to do the right thing with them.

 

[The Traveler]

When I do end it woth someone due to a lie, ect.. I don't tell them, I just don't call them, ect.. They lied to me and are not worth my time/ thoughts anymore. If they think so bad of me to lie to me, then I don't have time to do the right thing with them.

Then you are likely causing hurt disproportionate to the hurt you feel.

How do you feel about that possibility?

You don't exist in a vacuum.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Maybe i should just start to lie to EVERYONE, all the time. When someone calls me on it I'll just shrug and say: "well, its ok in society to lie, so I'm not doing anything wrong. Deal with it."

When someone lies, they have a motive that isn't related to you at all, 95% of the time. People don't lie to hurt others, they lie to protect themselves, because people are basically all scared of each other.

Honesty is good, but so is charity. I don't see very many people demanding that their friends pay 10% of their gross income to the poor or they won't be friends with them because they're bad people.....

 

[KenM]

Then you are likely causing hurt disproportionate to the hurt you feel.

How do you feel about that possibility?

You don't exist in a vacuum.

They hurt me, I hurt them back. We are even.

BTW, nice sig, I love that show.

 

[The Traveler]

They hurt me, I hurt them back. We are even.

Read what I'm saying. I'm saying you're not even by a longshot. You are hurting them worse than they are hurting you.

Now, perhaps they're better equipped for being hurt that way. Perhaps they're not.

Are you willing to live with the consequences if they're not?