Why do women send mixed signals?

[Arnwyn]

I hope this isn't another one of those Hida/Majoru/Asperger Syndrome threads where people chime in, apparently unable to fathom such mindbending concepts as "Small Talk", "White Lies" and "Politeness" as ingredients in normal, healthy social interaction...because those are sad.

Are you kidding me? I love these trainwreck threads. It's like TV at work.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

Relationship rule #1: WASH YOUR NASTY ASS!

Ya, well, I did. It didn't help. Besides, I'm not asking for advice about me anymore, I learned my lesson.

Relationship Advice #4: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? What are you bringing to the table. To quote Janet Jackson: "What have you done for me lately?"

I'd like to think that people are looking for a friend. Intelligence, someone to talk to who is interesting, who shares your idea of whats fun. A sense a humour is important, someone you feel comfortable around, you can trust, and something you are at least slightly attracted to.. I think I bring all of this to the table. I"m sure Ken has his own perks as well.

I'm good at being someone's best friend that I care about. I will be there for them through anything. I've endured hours of crying from one of my gfs when she didn't even know why she was crying (very hormonally imbalanced). I've sat there and listened to my other gf complain about her family, her problems in life and I've enjoyed every minute of it (or at least MOSTLY enjoyed it) because it meant I could share that time with them.

Last, I bring dedication and devotion and absolute love without question. When I care about something, they can be assured that will never end.

That's what I bring, and to me that is much more important than being able to pretend to like soccer because all her friends like it. I bring being me to the table. I'm looking for someone who wants that. I don't consider it impossible. You are right, having a lot of money, being good looking and being the life of the party would get me more women. That's not who I am, nor would I be happy doing that just to meet (and then keep) a woman.

From what I've read of Ken's posts, he wouldn't be happy either if he had a woman but instead had to put effort and thought into every action he took just to make sure he didn't say anything antisocial or burn any bridges. Too much effort for too little result.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

I think that flame needs to be fanned as much as possible. Because that is the Light Side of the Force. That is the hard path that will bear the most rewards. Because then he will be himself, and ALSO be in control of himself. This leads to confidence, bravery, and courage, and that leads to changing more, being more flexible, and in turn daring and changing the world, and THAT, MO, my smelly little friend, THAT is what being human is all about. We were put here as masters of this planet, not slaves to it.

Did I miss something, how is it that your way is the Light Side of the Force (and by insinuation, his way is the Dark Side)?

I understand your point, you think that trying to become "more" than who you are is a good thing. I even commend that part of it.

However, whose definition of "more" is correct? Basically, as I read your posts, it's obviously yours. Instead of saying "you could go out and meet more people, you might just find someone you like." you are saying "you must change to be more like me". Perhaps there is another way that fits him better. Perhaps being like you is NOT the correct answer for every person.

Also, I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult me. I'm certain a direct insult is not only against board rules, it's against good taste.

 

[BOZ]

Ya, well, I did. It didn't help.

you do need to do it more than once.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Also, I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult me. I'm certain a direct insult is not only against board rules, it's against good taste.

Ya, I got carried away. Editing and apologies. *bow*

However, whose definition of "more" is correct? Basically, as I read your posts, it's obviously yours. Instead of saying "you could go out and meet more people, you might just find someone you like." you are saying "you must change to be more like me". Perhaps there is another way that fits him better. Perhaps being like you is NOT the correct answer for every person.

Well, I can only tell you one thing:

I'm not posting on internet Dungeons and Dragons message boards about how my romantic life is FUBAR'd. Is it? Oh, HECK yeah! But I'm not asking a random community of strangers to help me with my problems. I'm doing it myself.

If your way leads to getting insulted on message boards, and my way leads to waking up with a smile on my face every morning, which would you say is correct? Logically? Going from the evidence? I have friends that I trust 100% completely and confidantes that would never violate me. Though they've all lied to me. And I don't let it upset me. And thus I am not unhappy very much, despite the manifold problems with the world and my life I have. Because being unhappy is fine and nessecary in small bursts, but unelss it serves as a motive for change, it seems pretty pointless to me...

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Ya, well, I did. It didn't help. Besides, I'm not asking for advice about me anymore, I learned my lesson.

Then ya shouldn't have brought it up. And you should have brushed your teeth that morning.

--SNIP--
Sorry, man, I'm not looking for a date and you ain't my type.
--SNIP--
I did notice, however, that you didn't list your standards for a woman.

From what I've read of Ken's posts, he wouldn't be happy either if he had a woman but instead had to put effort and thought into every action he took just to make sure he didn't say anything antisocial or burn any bridges. Too much effort for too little result.

OH! he has to put effort and thought into every action? My God, how will he ever survive?

So do many other people. Ever hear the saying: "Think before you speak/act?" That means: Engage your dust covered and atrophied cerrebullum before flapping your hamburger eating device. All of us have to think before we act.

That's why lots of people don't get killed.

Don't expect me to have sympathy for either one of you because you actually have to think before you speak.

 

[nerfherder]

In order to change the way your world works, you need to be welcoming of changing of yourself. You need to embrace the criticism, take the abuse, don't just shut out the world, and distill the virtue from the words. We've lit the torch aflame for Ken, just as we did for you, MO, but each individual has to torch their own fields, and built up from the ashes again.

To be a well-adjusted human being is to burn your fields time and time again as your life's circumstances dictate. There's no value in judging others unworthy of your time and attention for small infractions while you demand acceptance for your own.

...

For what it's worth, I think some part of KenM might want to get past it, get help, and change for the better. I think that flame needs to be fanned as much as possible. Because that is the Light Side of the Force. That is the hard path that will bear the most rewards. Because then he will be himself, and ALSO be in control of himself. This leads to confidence, bravery, and courage, and that leads to changing more, being more flexible, and in turn daring and changing the world, and THAT, MO, compadre, THAT is what being human is all about. We were put here as masters of this planet, not slaves to it.

I'm not just spouting babble. I lived it. I'm in it. You can be too. It is the harder path, but it is infinately more rewarding.

Standing round of applause for Kamikaze Midget!

Cheers,
Liam

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Oh, and on topic...

I just got done mowing the lawn.

I'm going to shower, dress decently now that the yardwork is done, open a beer, and decide what to cook for dinner for my wife and kids. Then, after dinner and the kids go to bed, I will have sex, shower, and lay down to sleep, comfortable in the knowledge that all the work I've done and will continue to do is and will pay off.

If you don't want to change out of fear you won't be you, don't expect the world to like you just because you are you.

So, while some of you sit in self-percieved superiority, posting to this board how great you are and don't understand why you are alone, I'll be out there living life and enjoying it.

Have fun.

 

[reveal]

watching people beat their heads against the wall trying to disrupt someone else's circular logic is only amusing for a little while.

 

[The Traveler]

Last, I bring dedication and devotion and absolute love without question. When I care about something, they can be assured that will never end.

This is all well and good unless you fail to articulate yourself and hold a woman's interest for long enough for her to be interested in the "real you."

This is where an inability to meet her halfway is a big stumbling block.