mythago
Hero
Sialia vs Piratecat
Sialia: another episode in the tale of two halflings (and the professor)
Some great ideas, and some nice story. But I still feel its a bit , thrown together.
Piratecat: ooooooh, cyberpunk story. Strange tech, double and triple crosses. Crooked employers, and the quest for the holy grail of the megarich: eternal life
For me its obvious: Piratecat all the way.
Judgment: Piratecat
mythago
For both, the pictures were used well and pushed the story along. And though I don't think either of them were the best entries the writers have done, they're still so good it's darn hard to judge.
Sialia - The End of the World
I love the little village of Berryesa; it is, indeed, the end of the world, but in a good way. The sense of lazing in a sunny day is perfectly handled. I like some of the little touches with language (the world's largest pickle crock, the square full of festival).
The critical part is that there are parts that left me scratching my head. The Lillabo-getting-eaten-by-a-brain episode almost seemed as though it belonged in a different story. It felt as though you were saying "hell, I'm not sure what to do with Lillabo now--I know, she needs to get killed like Tarnby." Ditto Mirabelle's declaration of love for Volpe; yes, they've touched death, but she goes from being lonely and needing a warm body to secretly having loved him for some time--huh? (And it seems strange Volpe gets over "poor broken Mirabelle" after the cavern.)
Piratecat - Lazarus
It started off great (you can't beat that opening paragraph), but I felt that it never quite made up its mind whether it wanted to be a light-hearted spoof of spy story conventions or a real spy story, and the inconsistency weakened it. There's a little too much of Isabelle explaining things seemingly for only the reader's benefit. It also struck me as a little obvious that Isabelle would get caught; arrogant she may be, but she's not stupid, and surely she would know that she isn't privy to every weapons and ID scan her employers have at their disposal.
Very deft use of the pictures in all respects.
Judgment: Sialia
Sialia: another episode in the tale of two halflings (and the professor)
Some great ideas, and some nice story. But I still feel its a bit , thrown together.
Piratecat: ooooooh, cyberpunk story. Strange tech, double and triple crosses. Crooked employers, and the quest for the holy grail of the megarich: eternal life
For me its obvious: Piratecat all the way.
Judgment: Piratecat
mythago
For both, the pictures were used well and pushed the story along. And though I don't think either of them were the best entries the writers have done, they're still so good it's darn hard to judge.
Sialia - The End of the World
I love the little village of Berryesa; it is, indeed, the end of the world, but in a good way. The sense of lazing in a sunny day is perfectly handled. I like some of the little touches with language (the world's largest pickle crock, the square full of festival).
The critical part is that there are parts that left me scratching my head. The Lillabo-getting-eaten-by-a-brain episode almost seemed as though it belonged in a different story. It felt as though you were saying "hell, I'm not sure what to do with Lillabo now--I know, she needs to get killed like Tarnby." Ditto Mirabelle's declaration of love for Volpe; yes, they've touched death, but she goes from being lonely and needing a warm body to secretly having loved him for some time--huh? (And it seems strange Volpe gets over "poor broken Mirabelle" after the cavern.)
Piratecat - Lazarus
It started off great (you can't beat that opening paragraph), but I felt that it never quite made up its mind whether it wanted to be a light-hearted spoof of spy story conventions or a real spy story, and the inconsistency weakened it. There's a little too much of Isabelle explaining things seemingly for only the reader's benefit. It also struck me as a little obvious that Isabelle would get caught; arrogant she may be, but she's not stupid, and surely she would know that she isn't privy to every weapons and ID scan her employers have at their disposal.
Very deft use of the pictures in all respects.
Judgment: Sialia
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