Worst movies ever....

[WizarDru]

There was this movie with Donald Sutherland and Jamie Lee Curtis about a ship that finds an abandoned science vessel and some robot crap takes over or something really super-bad. See, in the States, they would probably show that once on USA.

The movie in question, Virus, was shown pretty heavily in the US on the basic cable channels for a while. It's an example of what I'm talking about. It's not a good movie, but it's not even close to the worst I've seen. It's extremely derivative, poorly scripted and not terribly coherent...but it's all just an exercise in typical monster-horror. Having had the misfortune of seeing it on the big screen, I can tell you for a fact that it's not nearly as bad as say, "House of the Dead". I mean, there's bad, and then there's BAD. Virus is a silly way to pass the time, but when it was over, I didn't feel like I had been robbed of my time and grey matter. I've seen some truly terrible flicks in my time, and that doesn't even make the short list. With some corrective work, Virus could have been a passable, competent horror film. House of the Dead would have required open-heart surgery, by comparison.

 

[pezagent]

I can tell you for a fact that it's not nearly as bad as say, "House of the Dead". I mean, there's bad, and then there's BAD. Virus is a silly way to pass the time, but when it was over, I didn't feel like I had been robbed of my time and grey matter.

Okay wait a minute... this is off-topic because I'm not sure if this movie was "bad" or not (I didn't see enough of it to make up my mind) but I recall seeing some flick over here with massive amounts of bloody zombie-mashing... the scene I'm thinking of in particular is when this dude has a lawnmower and he's in the foyer of a house, just blending zombies one after the other and leaving a massive blood pool... I'm sorry I can't remember many details but it certainly had me watching... there was something about a giant zombie monster who was actually this guy's mother or something like that... there was a girl lead who wore glasses and was rather nerdy. Not an American film I don't think.

???

/johnny

 

[Caliber]

Okay wait a minute... this is off-topic because I'm not sure if this movie was "bad" or not (I didn't see enough of it to make up my mind) but I recall seeing some flick over here with massive amounts of bloody zombie-mashing... the scene I'm thinking of in particular is when this dude has a lawnmower and he's in the foyer of a house, just blending zombies one after the other and leaving a massive blood pool... I'm sorry I can't remember many details but it certainly had me watching... there was something about a giant zombie monster who was actually this guy's mother or something like that... there was a girl lead who wore glasses and was rather nerdy. Not an American film I don't think.

You speak of the great Dead Alive. Directed by Peter Jackson, so obviously worth catching out.

Features such beauts as the main going into a room full of zombies with the a lawnmower held vertical and just running back and forth through them, an Irish Priest who uses Kung-Fu against the Zombies ("I kick ass for the Lord!"), a zombie baby (which is put in a blender and punched through a window), and much, much more.

My friend has it on DVD. Really great movie. Heres the IMDB page for it ... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103873/

 

[Kesh]

Yeah, Virus was a bit of a hack, but not a bad movie. I'd rank it with the Mummy movies: a decent popcorn flick, nothing to write home about, but not a complete waste of time either.

Oh, and I picked up the Dungeons & Dragons movie for $8 this weekend. That's bad, but in an MST3K way. I mean, they had to have told Jeremy Irons to overact for him to do Profion like that...

 

[Isida Kep'Tukari]

I think I got a few that haven't been mentioned yet:

The Four Feathers - Heath Ledger won't go to war with his buddies (back in the British empire days) so they all give him feathers to tell him he's a coward. He goes to Africa, where his buddies are stationed, and helps them out of some binds. Then he gets captured. And the movie goes on for another 45 minutes. Pure, mind-numbing drek.

Boxing Helena - A boy feels rejected by his promiscuous mother. So when he's an adult doctor and his beautiful but bitchy co-worker Helena gets hit by a car right outside of his house, what does he do? Takes her into his house operates on her to remove her legs (because they damaged, or something), then promises her he'll love and care for her forever. She, of course isn't grateful, so he removes her arms. And then she instructs him how to have sex with a whore in a dream sequence because she actually really does learn to love him. Oh, and Bill Paxton is Helena's rock-and-roll boyfriend. And to top it all of the entire damn movie was a freaking dream sequence!

Election - All the critics said this film with Matthew Broderik and Reese Whitherspoon was the best thing since sliced bread. I just wanted to gouge out my eyes.

 

[Hypersmurf]

And both of these are not nearly the howlers that "MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn (in 3D!)" or "Cherry 2000" or "Demon Island" are...in completely different ways.

Ooh, I should put Cherry 2000 over in the "Guilty Pleasures" thread.

I love that movie

"Cherry? I want you to get me a Pepsi."
"Okay!"

-Hyp.

 

[reapersaurus]

How could someone stumble upon Dead Alive and not remember it, or learn more about it?
Classic movie.

Four Feathers was probably the most beautiful piece of crap ever filmed. Breathtakingly bad story behind some wonderful frames of film.

And here's an example of a REALLY badly-done A-movie, but not an example of one of the "Worst Films Ever":
Sphere
I just wanted to slap the director for doing what he did to it. One of the more frustrating movies I've ever viewed.

 

[s/LaSH]

Just for the record, I believe that Dead Alive is known as Brain Dead in its native New Zealand. And I want to see it - I've only seen Bad Taste from Jackson's early years. That's pretty classic.

Now to make this post worthwhile, they actually made a stage play out of that film a couple of years ago. Apparently they included the lawnmower scene. The mind boggles. Anybody know if it got overseas? (I doubt it, somehow.)

 

[Isida Kep'Tukari]

But seriously guys, for Dead Alive, any film that has a kung-fu Catholic priest declaring, "I kick ass for the Lord!" has got to be a worthwhile film...

 

[Barendd Nobeard]

Well, here's the IMDB entry for said movie.

A musical with Burt Reynolds and Cybil Sheppard, doing Cole Porter tunes directed by Peter Bogdanavich. Yeah, that looks like a recipe for a train wreck, all right. Never seen it, myself, but IMDB reviewers make it clear that a musical with dancing should have people who can sing and dance in the lead roles. Apparently Madeline Khan is the only saving grace to it.

The reasons it's even worse than you can possibly imagine, is that Peter Bogdonavich decided the musical numbers should be filmed live. That right--no post-production dubbing of songs, which almost every musical does. What you hear is Burt, Cybil, Madeline, Eileen Brennan, & company belting out tunes as the cameras actually cranked.

The title is also based on a song that is supposedly cursed. Apparently, Cole Porter wrote the song when he broke his leg on a golf course and had to wait 20 minutes for an ambulance to show up. To take his mind off the pain, he wrote the song "At Long Last Love." Anything ever associated with that song has done poorly.