Your game sucks...

[S'mon]

Yes, I do have a wife and a 1 y/o. I also live in the Bay Area, CA where traffic is absolute hell and it isn't uncommon to drive an hour away to game. Which is why tardiness is not a concern to me.

I see it the opposite way - I travel nearly 2 hours to get to & from the game; add another hour if I had to dash home from work to get my DM stuff because the regular DM cancelled; game starts 7pm, game finishes 10pm - the pub kicks us out before 10.30pm and I have to be home by 11pm anyway or the wife likely gets antsy. I like chatting with the other players before & after, but any significant infringement on the scheduled gaming time is a big deal; if the game starts 1 hour late & I lose a third of the session I'm not a happy camper. One young player who's driven hard at work is sometimes late, but if so he always calls to let us know, so we can work around it, usually starting without him.

Travel delays - aim to be 15 minutes early, people forgive you if you're up to 15 minutes late; it has to be pretty bad to delay you more than 30 minutes at least in London.

But anyway, presumably your approach is fine for your group; it just wouldn't suit me at all. If I were in your group I'd be peeved by your being peeved that I thought my game time was precious, as well as being peeved by your lateness.

Edit: Re socialising, I've started coming to the game earlier (say 6.20pm for 7pm start) to get more socialising in beforehand with early arrivers. But game time is game time!

 

[Kzach]

This has been mentioned a couple of times in this thread. It surprises me that tardiness for a D&D game can be so important. D&D is a time of relaxation and fun; it's not a job. We already have to worry about tardiness with our jobs, I don't really care to worry about being late to hang out with "friends" also.

It's not about you. It's about the 4+ other people who've put aside this time in their busy lives to devote to their hobby. Turning up late, whether you all just talk nonsense and catch-up for half the session or not, is still disrespectful to the other people.

 

[Kzach]

But he specifically said he was talking about leaving very early - after one session, not after five of six.

I miss-grammared. I meant that it counts as POOFING if you leave before the 5-6th session. Only after that does it not count.

 

[Oryan77]

Well if socializing is above gaming for you then I don't see the problem.

Maybe that's the difference. Socializing and gaming are one and the same as far as I'm concerned. I'm not going to be strict about punctuation like it's the Marines. I'm there to hang out & have fun. Gaming is what we just happen to be doing while together. As long as we are gaming, I'm good to go. So I'm not saying that I would be ok socializing the entire time. But losing out on a mere 30 minutes or so of my gaming to socialize is hardly a deal breaker for me. I actually like to talk to my friends since we hardly see each other now that we are adults.

I see it the opposite way - I travel nearly 2 hours to get to & from the game; add another hour if I had to dash home from work to get my DM stuff because the regular DM cancelled; game starts 7pm, game finishes 10pm - the pub kicks us out before 10.30pm and I have to be home by 11pm anyway or the wife likely gets antsy.

Well if you are gaming at the pub and have an actual time limit because they close, then that's another matter. But then again, it's the pub! That would probably cause me to care even less about a tardy player. A beer in one hand, friends around a table, I'm in a great atmosphere, and I'm out of the house? Doing some gaming would simply be a bonus. In this case, I definitely would not be ticked off for losing 30 minutes of gaming time.

 

[Oryan77]

It's not about you. It's about the 4+ other people who've put aside this time in their busy lives to devote to their hobby. Turning up late, whether you all just talk nonsense and catch-up for half the session or not, is still disrespectful to the other people.

I never said it was about me or hinted at it being about me. I'm pretty sure I was saying that I would not care if you were 30 minutes late to my game. I'm the host for our group, so I don't need to worry about my own tardiness except for the new game I just joined that I commute to (only been to 2 sessions). But there isn't a gameday where someone hasn't been late. Luckily I don't think of my game time as being my own precious period out of a day. If I need to lose 30 of those minutes to play D&D cause a friend is late, I'm glad to sacrifice that time & socialize with the others. 30 minutes is nothing to me when it comes to getting at least some time to be with friends and play D&D.

 

[Umbran]

But people in this thread don't seem to be specifying that. They seem to be annoyed about tardiness regardless because their time is precious and they can't be bothered to actually socialize with people for 30 extra minutes.

I, and I expect the others, are making general statements. You're now getting into specific instances, which may always differ from the general.

Don't make it sound like we don't know how to prioritize. One of my players has kids. He's going to be late to the next session because he has to get his kid to school. He told me beforehand, and I'm totally cool with it. Folks have been late because public transportation was off that day, or because something absolutely had to be done at work. Again, totally okay. Things that are more important are more important. Things outside your control are outside your control. As a friend, I'll flex some to help you deal with it.

But there's a limit to how low that goes. If you're frequently late because you just can't be bothered to plan accordingly, then we have an issue.

 

[Kzach]

I never said it was about me or hinted at it being about me.

Are you sure about that?

I'm the host for our group, so I don't need to worry about my own tardiness except for the new game I just joined that I commute to (only been to 2 sessions). But there isn't a gameday where someone hasn't been late. Luckily I don't think of my game time as being my own precious period out of a day. If I need to lose 30 of those minutes to play D&D cause a friend is late, I'm glad to sacrifice that time & socialize with the others. 30 minutes is nothing to me when it comes to getting at least some time to be with friends and play D&D.

'cause this entire paragraph contradicts that first statement.

I, and I expect the others, are making general statements. You're now getting into specific instances, which may always differ from the general.

Don't make it sound like we don't know how to prioritize. One of my players has kids. He's going to be late to the next session because he has to get his kid to school. He told me beforehand, and I'm totally cool with it. Folks have been late because public transportation was off that day, or because something absolutely had to be done at work. Again, totally okay. Things that are more important are more important. Things outside your control are outside your control. As a friend, I'll flex some to help you deal with it.

But there's a limit to how low that goes. If you're frequently late because you just can't be bothered to plan accordingly, then we have an issue.

Nail. Head. Critical hit.

Apparently I couldn't XP that comment though. Silly XP system limiting who I can XP!

 

[Oryan77]

If you're frequently late because you just can't be bothered to plan accordingly, then we have an issue.

If someone is upset because a person is commonly late for various reasons related to responsibilities that don't care about their gaming schedule, then not only would I probably not game with that person, we'd most likely never be friends. That's just not cool in my book. I don't hold a D&D game at the same level as my job, neither do my friends.

It comes off as saying to me, "I don't really care about you, or like hanging out with you, or knowing what you did for the past two weeks. All I care about is entertaining myself by playing D&D." But then, I'm of the mindset that if I can't be friends with someone, I ain't playing D&D with that person. I'm not interested in using people that I have no interest in just so we have more players. Those sort of groups seem to be the ones that never last.

Are you sure about that?


'cause this entire paragraph contradicts that first statement.

So you're trying to twist the fact that I'm sympathetic towards tardiness as a way of me still being selfish because other players at the table might not be ok with it?

If that makes me selfish, then I can live with that sort of selfishness. If the other guys at the table are going to get angry because they have to socialize rather than play a game for a measly 30 extra minutes, that's fine. I probably wouldn't want to hang out and talk to them either, not even for 30 minutes.

I do enjoy playing the game, but dang, I'm never going to approach the event that hard core. Most of us hardly get the chance to talk to each other outside of the game. So it's nice to catch up, talk about cool movies we saw, etc, etc. I'm not only there to play D&D, I'm there to hang out with friends also.

 

[Zelda Themelin]

For me this has changed during the years. I used to play at one rpg-club, but those games kinda got boring to be for various reasons.

Occasionally like like one-shot of a game that is totally different, than my usual preferances. But I don't want to stay long in group, which play-style is constantly something I don't prefer.

I used to play anything. And I also kinda enjoyed that during those times, though there were occasional sucky games.

Nowday I only play with friends. And even so our gamestyles and system preferances aren't perfect match. I prefer 3.x/Pathfinder and my second group prefers 2nd edition AD&D and d6 Star Wars.

With stranger I leave immediatly after session if it sucks. I don't probably even game under that DM ever again. Or in some cases never that game again.

With friends I can attend game up to 3 sucky sessions, then I have "sorry can't do, RL".
It's not that people woudn't know when I am bored. Then I wait until that game is forgotten and buried.

 

[Kzach]

So you're trying to twist the fact that I'm sympathetic towards tardiness as a way of me still being selfish because other players at the table might not be ok with it?

If that makes me selfish, then I can live with that sort of selfishness. If the other guys at the table are going to get angry because they have to socialize rather than play a game for a measly 30 extra minutes, that's fine. I probably wouldn't want to hang out and talk to them either, not even for 30 minutes.

I do enjoy playing the game, but dang, I'm never going to approach the event that hard core. Most of us hardly get the chance to talk to each other outside of the game. So it's nice to catch up, talk about cool movies we saw, etc, etc. I'm not only there to play D&D, I'm there to hang out with friends also.

I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me... you're really not getting this whole "this isn't about you" concept are you?