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[ENboards Boston Feng Shui Game] Six in the Chamber II: HONG KONG BLOODBATH -UPDATED!
- Thread starter Dr Midnight
- Start date
Mathew_Freeman
First Post
*runs in and leaps into a spare seat, hope that he hasn't quite missed the start*
Eridanis
Bard 7/Mod (ret) 10/Mgr 3
Interesting ... we're writing a story hour about waiting to read a story hour. Somewhere, M.C. Escher is approving our efforts.
And I think I'll have to insist on a Flash movie intro for any one-shots I ever play in the future.
, Dang, but that was cool.
(Eridanis the Usher asks Horacio to stop throwing popcorn in the theatre)
And I think I'll have to insist on a Flash movie intro for any one-shots I ever play in the future.
, Dang, but that was cool.(Eridanis the Usher asks Horacio to stop throwing popcorn in the theatre)
Dr Midnight
Explorer
SCENE 1
EXT. – “CHEF TSO’S”- NIGHT
The CAMERA fades in from black and we see the outside of a happening restaurant from a low angle. People in elegant eveningwear are walking into CHEF TSO’S, the new Hong Kong hot spot for the elite.
A pair of huge legs steps into view in front of the camera, facing the restaurant. They’re wearing rugged jeans and boots. Dangling above the ground are another, smaller pair of legs.
BURLY MAN’S VOICE
Well, this here’s the spot, Willy!
We see that our old friend “CUDDLY” JACK STARKEY is standing there, holding WILLY WALLABY (as he’s been named) under one huge arm. WILLY is pinned and looking miserable.
CUDDLY JACK
Why, when I got that invitation to the event: “Jack Starkey, plus one”, I just knew who I had to take along.
WILLY
(quietly) How did you find me?
CUDDLY JACK
Never mind that right now, eh? Let’s go inside and have ourselves a groozer. I’m starved. I could eat a whole cow meself. How ‘bout you, Willy? What are you gonna order?
WILLY
Please let me go.
CUDDLY JACK
Ha! That’s the ol’ Willy I know. Gimme a hug, ya poxy bruiser.
JACK gives WILLY a big bear hug. Over JACK’S shoulder, we see WILLY begin to weep silently.
INT. – CHEF TSO’S - NIGHT
CUDDLY JACK and WILLY enter the restaurant. It’s huge… full bar, glamorous tables, chandeliers, flambé chefs, a disco floor, thirty foot high ceilings. The centerpiece is a gorgeous twenty foot high phoenix carving that has water fountaining off of it in different places and trickling down into an indoor pond. The phoenix’s head is blowing flame upwards, through a hole in the ceiling up to the sky, and “roasting” a giant hot dog suspended there. The phoenix’s head more than slightly resembles Godzilla.
CUDDLY JACK
Hey, this is a right nice waller you got here, General Tso!
CHEF TSO gets up from the table with a smile and goes to hug CUDDLY JACK.
CHEF TSO
Jack!! How’ve you been? And… Willy Wallaby! Good to see you both. Please, come in, have a seat.
He leads JACK and WILLY over to the table where the others have been seated. Here he’s keeping the friends he made at the incident, a year ago. CHAI TONG and CHEN YAU are here.
CHEF TSO
Hey, everyone, look who’s here! It’s Cuddly Jack and Willy! Who wants a drink? Who wants two? Great idea!
TSO quickly pours a drink for everyone and two for himself, which he “sips” from rapidly and alternately, with one in each hand.
CHAI TONG
I remember the ox well enough. Tell me- what is this thing?
CHEF TSO
It’s a hot dog.
CHAI TONG
The human body cannot ingest this western-style pig offal. Bring me food, please.
CHEF TSO
Can do. I hate hot dogs, myself… hey, who needs another drink? Anyone?
CHEN YAU
If you hate hot dogs, Tso, why are you selling them?
CHEF TSO
It’s, uh… It’s what I became famous for. Godzilla suit, roasting hot dogs, killing mooks, et cetera… It’s what the people want to have when they come to me.
FEMALE VOICE, OFF-SCREEN
WILLIAM!!! Is that a drink in your hand?
CHEF TSO
Gah! No, dear!
The others look to see a beautiful yet dour looking woman glowering at him from the kitchen door.
CHEN YAU
Who’s the skirt, Willy?
CHEF TSO
(pounds both drinks down miserably) That’s my fiancé.
CHEN YAU
Your… why would you want to marry someone you clearly don’t get along with?
CHEF TSO
When I was three, I was engaged to Ling Ling over there… it became the last arranged marriage of the family. When I rose to chefdom and was unsuccessful in any real sense…
CUDDLY JACK
Except for blowin’ stuff up, mate. You’re real good at that.
CHEF TSO
Well, blowing stuff up is not the mark of a good husband, as I’m constantly reminded. Anyway. Recently the marriage was put on the fast track, seeing as I now have more money than anyone someone like that could marry based on LOVE… She’s a beast. She doesn’t let me go out, she doesn’t let me throw my kitchen knives, she says I have to become a GOOD MAN. What about me? I don’t want to get married. It’s driven me to… (he slams down another glass of liquor) …distraction.
CUDDLY JACK
Well that’s great! I hope you two snozzers’ll be happy as lice in a nest of hog hair. Chen, what’s been doin’ with you these days?
CHEN YAU
Well, remember my captain? Big screaming guy who constantly threatened to bust me down to traffic cop? He finally made good on his threats.
CUDDLY JACK
Hard luck. So you’re a traffic cop now?
CHEN YAU
That's right… I direct traffic. It’s no life for a cop.
CUDDLY JACK
I bet it’s stopped you from explodin’ evildoers and havin’ kung fu duels in interesting locales, though, eh?
CHEN YAU
(sheepishly) Uh… well, yeah, for the MOST part…
A little round woman walks over. She’s about 4’10”… in every direction. She has tiny little pudgy arms and legs, and a face like a coin purse. This is GRANDMA LING
GRANDMA
William, you have other people to attend to. Leave this rabble and attend to business. My granddaughter will not marry a lackadaisical goldbricker.
CHAI TONG looks up at this woman and she looks at him, and immediately there is a fierce dislike.
CHAI TONG
You are very loud and slow. Quiet, please.
GRANDMA
Excuse me? My grandson-to-be has WORK to do, which I don’t expect any of you have any idea of.
CHAI TONG
If work is your desire, then take this innards-stuffed half-sausage back to the kitchen and bring me something edible.
GRANDMA
You should enjoy them... These “hot dogs” are fare for dimwitted, fast food eating western cattle.
CUDDLY JACK is shoving a whole hot dog down his face and talking around it.
CUDDLY JACK
I dunno, ih tase predda guh ta me.
GRANDMA
Yes. William, we will find you new friends. Friends worth having. Come back to work, now.
The camera shows in the background the door opening. A huge man walks through wearing a suit. He looks around and sees the group.
CHEN YAU
Oh, crap… it’s the captain.
EXT. – “CHEF TSO’S”- NIGHT
The CAMERA fades in from black and we see the outside of a happening restaurant from a low angle. People in elegant eveningwear are walking into CHEF TSO’S, the new Hong Kong hot spot for the elite.
A pair of huge legs steps into view in front of the camera, facing the restaurant. They’re wearing rugged jeans and boots. Dangling above the ground are another, smaller pair of legs.
BURLY MAN’S VOICE
Well, this here’s the spot, Willy!
We see that our old friend “CUDDLY” JACK STARKEY is standing there, holding WILLY WALLABY (as he’s been named) under one huge arm. WILLY is pinned and looking miserable.
CUDDLY JACK
Why, when I got that invitation to the event: “Jack Starkey, plus one”, I just knew who I had to take along.
WILLY
(quietly) How did you find me?
CUDDLY JACK
Never mind that right now, eh? Let’s go inside and have ourselves a groozer. I’m starved. I could eat a whole cow meself. How ‘bout you, Willy? What are you gonna order?
WILLY
Please let me go.
CUDDLY JACK
Ha! That’s the ol’ Willy I know. Gimme a hug, ya poxy bruiser.
JACK gives WILLY a big bear hug. Over JACK’S shoulder, we see WILLY begin to weep silently.
INT. – CHEF TSO’S - NIGHT
CUDDLY JACK and WILLY enter the restaurant. It’s huge… full bar, glamorous tables, chandeliers, flambé chefs, a disco floor, thirty foot high ceilings. The centerpiece is a gorgeous twenty foot high phoenix carving that has water fountaining off of it in different places and trickling down into an indoor pond. The phoenix’s head is blowing flame upwards, through a hole in the ceiling up to the sky, and “roasting” a giant hot dog suspended there. The phoenix’s head more than slightly resembles Godzilla.
CUDDLY JACK
Hey, this is a right nice waller you got here, General Tso!
CHEF TSO gets up from the table with a smile and goes to hug CUDDLY JACK.
CHEF TSO
Jack!! How’ve you been? And… Willy Wallaby! Good to see you both. Please, come in, have a seat.
He leads JACK and WILLY over to the table where the others have been seated. Here he’s keeping the friends he made at the incident, a year ago. CHAI TONG and CHEN YAU are here.
CHEF TSO
Hey, everyone, look who’s here! It’s Cuddly Jack and Willy! Who wants a drink? Who wants two? Great idea!
TSO quickly pours a drink for everyone and two for himself, which he “sips” from rapidly and alternately, with one in each hand.
CHAI TONG
I remember the ox well enough. Tell me- what is this thing?
CHEF TSO
It’s a hot dog.
CHAI TONG
The human body cannot ingest this western-style pig offal. Bring me food, please.
CHEF TSO
Can do. I hate hot dogs, myself… hey, who needs another drink? Anyone?
CHEN YAU
If you hate hot dogs, Tso, why are you selling them?
CHEF TSO
It’s, uh… It’s what I became famous for. Godzilla suit, roasting hot dogs, killing mooks, et cetera… It’s what the people want to have when they come to me.
FEMALE VOICE, OFF-SCREEN
WILLIAM!!! Is that a drink in your hand?
CHEF TSO
Gah! No, dear!
The others look to see a beautiful yet dour looking woman glowering at him from the kitchen door.
CHEN YAU
Who’s the skirt, Willy?
CHEF TSO
(pounds both drinks down miserably) That’s my fiancé.
CHEN YAU
Your… why would you want to marry someone you clearly don’t get along with?
CHEF TSO
When I was three, I was engaged to Ling Ling over there… it became the last arranged marriage of the family. When I rose to chefdom and was unsuccessful in any real sense…
CUDDLY JACK
Except for blowin’ stuff up, mate. You’re real good at that.
CHEF TSO
Well, blowing stuff up is not the mark of a good husband, as I’m constantly reminded. Anyway. Recently the marriage was put on the fast track, seeing as I now have more money than anyone someone like that could marry based on LOVE… She’s a beast. She doesn’t let me go out, she doesn’t let me throw my kitchen knives, she says I have to become a GOOD MAN. What about me? I don’t want to get married. It’s driven me to… (he slams down another glass of liquor) …distraction.
CUDDLY JACK
Well that’s great! I hope you two snozzers’ll be happy as lice in a nest of hog hair. Chen, what’s been doin’ with you these days?
CHEN YAU
Well, remember my captain? Big screaming guy who constantly threatened to bust me down to traffic cop? He finally made good on his threats.
CUDDLY JACK
Hard luck. So you’re a traffic cop now?
CHEN YAU
That's right… I direct traffic. It’s no life for a cop.
CUDDLY JACK
I bet it’s stopped you from explodin’ evildoers and havin’ kung fu duels in interesting locales, though, eh?
CHEN YAU
(sheepishly) Uh… well, yeah, for the MOST part…
A little round woman walks over. She’s about 4’10”… in every direction. She has tiny little pudgy arms and legs, and a face like a coin purse. This is GRANDMA LING
GRANDMA
William, you have other people to attend to. Leave this rabble and attend to business. My granddaughter will not marry a lackadaisical goldbricker.
CHAI TONG looks up at this woman and she looks at him, and immediately there is a fierce dislike.
CHAI TONG
You are very loud and slow. Quiet, please.
GRANDMA
Excuse me? My grandson-to-be has WORK to do, which I don’t expect any of you have any idea of.
CHAI TONG
If work is your desire, then take this innards-stuffed half-sausage back to the kitchen and bring me something edible.
GRANDMA
You should enjoy them... These “hot dogs” are fare for dimwitted, fast food eating western cattle.
CUDDLY JACK is shoving a whole hot dog down his face and talking around it.
CUDDLY JACK
I dunno, ih tase predda guh ta me.
GRANDMA
Yes. William, we will find you new friends. Friends worth having. Come back to work, now.
The camera shows in the background the door opening. A huge man walks through wearing a suit. He looks around and sees the group.
CHEN YAU
Oh, crap… it’s the captain.
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