embee
Lawyer by day. Rules lawyer by night.
BATMAN:Seeing as in these movies are somewhat aimed at a target audience I agree the origins dont need to be repeated.
Clark, we need to stop your arch-nemesis Lex Luthor befo-
SUPERMAN:
Why did you call me Clark?
BATMAN:
Because your secret identity is Clark Kent, a mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper. I know that because I am Batman, the World's Greatest Detective.
SUPERMAN:
Indeed. You are very smart. But you also seem deeply troubled. And not just because you are wearing a bat costume. Ha ha. That is a joke. It is levity to make sure we do not get too self-serious.
BATMAN:
That's a good idea, Clark. And very perceptive. Indeed. I am deeply troubled. I witnessed my parents getting murdered in an alleyway known coincidentally as Crime Alley. My father, the great philanthropist Thomas Wayne, and my mother, Martha, had taken me to see "The Mark of Zorro," a movie about a masked vigilante who fights injustice. A robber named Joe Chill tried to steal my mom's necklace. Allow me to reminisce about the event. Pearls fell into a puddle.
SUPERMAN:
You seem to be traumatized by it. But why do you dress like a bat and not like Zorro?
BATMAN:
I am afraid of bats because I fell into a cave when I was a child and a bunch of bats flew at me. Now bats scare me. And I like to scare criminals because criminals are a superstitious lot. So I use what scares me to scare them.
SUPERMAN:
You are very symbolic. I am also symbolic. I am the last son of a dying planet called Krypton. My father Jor-El sent me to Earth. I was raised in aptly-named Smallville, a small town in Kansas, America's heartland. I was adopted by Jonathan and Martha Kent. Martha is a good mother's name because it is very all-American like Martha Washington. My father Jonathan died but I could not save him.
BATMAN:
In spite of your superpowers far beyond those of mortal men?
SUPERMAN:
In spite of my superpowers far beyond those of mortal men.
BATMAN:
You are an allegory for American immigration.
SUPERMAN:
Yes. I also can also improbably be used as a Christ allegory, in spite of being created by two Jewish immigrants. Symbolism is what makes us complex heroes. Like how each of your Rogue's Gallery represents a different aspect of your troubled psyche.
BATMAN:
Now that we have recapped our origins and meanings, let us thwart Lex Luthor's plans.
SUPERMAN:
Good idea, Bruce! See... I, too, know your real name and will call you by it to signify our friendship and status as equals and friendly rivals.
BOTH:
HUZZAH!!