Hot Spiced Wine (The Approved Snarf Zagyg Recipe)
What you need:
2 bottles of the cheapest red wine you can find (Night Train? Boone's Farm? Whatevs)
About 1/2 cup brown sugar, and then another 1/2 cup, and then 2 more cups.
3 or 4 cinnamon sticks ... HA! Just grab that big jug of cinnamon powder you bought 15 years ago and shake until you're bored
Three melted black twizzlers
1 whole lemon or orange, or both, or a lime. Or all three. Heck, maybe you have a pear? Pears are kinda citrus, right?
Brandy
Eggnog
Whisky
Gin
What you do:
Put everything except the brandy, eggnog, whisky, and gin and into a slow cooker.
Invite your friends and family over for mulled wine.
Heat gently for several hours, the longer the better.
Of course, everyone will be complaining. "Where's this mulled wine you're talkin' bout, Snarf?"
Pour yourself some gin. Drink it.
Can you still hear those ingrates complaining? Pour 'em some eggnog. And whisky. 3 parts whisky to 1 part eggnog. That will shut 'em up.
Drink more gin.
Hey, what happened to the mulled wine? Is it done? Who cares! Pour it into the eggnog whisky mix those whiny people are drinking.
The gin is gone? Start drinking the brandy while people complain about the mulled wine in their eggnog.
....Just remember, you don't have to do this again for another year.
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