2019 IRON DM Tournament
- Thread starter Gradine
- Start date
Radiating Gnome
Adventurer
Round 2 Match 2: Rune vs Lowkey13
It seems like we are plagued with delays in this round of IronDM. I’m sorry for my part of that. So, let’s get cracking:
This is a review of Lowkey13’s adventure “Mad Mages and Grognards” and Rune’s “The Long Day”. (Mad and Day for short).
These are a pair of exceptionally creative, mind bending adventures. It’s great, once again, to see such creative entires.
Mad takes characters in a 5e game and regresses them back to 1e. This seems fun and meta and creative, and at the same time it’s a huge gamble — an adventure that is so meta it may not actually work as a playable experience.
Meanwhile, the risks in Day are subtler. The adventure takes the players to a setting where they will interact with deities in a way that feels more like a fairy tale and less like a typical D&D game.
So, risks all around. Let’s review the ingredients.
The Sun's Consort
In Day, the Sun God’s consort is the god of reflection and tranquility. Her pool is an important location, and is critical to the story. In Mad, celebrants in Greyhawk symbolically wed a donkey to the sun god Pelor. This is a cute moment, but is not as integral to the adventure as it was in Day, so this point goes to Day.
Inverted Tower
Both use the inverted tower as an adventure location — although it’s a bit of a stretch to squint and see tower in a ziggurat, as it is used in Mad. With that exception, I don’t see much advantage in either entry. Call it a wash.
Divine Culture
I’m not getting a solid sense of divine culture from Mad, while Day
Is about tensions between the sun god and his consort. And about patching those things up. So. Day gets this point.
Swollen Village
In Mad, the village of Hommlet is swollen with refugees from other editions. And in Day, the plant folk villagers are swollen because of the excessive daylight. So, even here again.
Malfunctioning Teleporter
Both have this ingredient. For Mad, it’s how the adventure starts, but for Day, it’s the Modron who brings the party to the adventure.
Unlucky Vampire
Both stories have important unlucky vampires, but while Sir Fang joins the party and tags along, Halpess is the focus of the adventure and is much more integrated into the story. So, another point for Day here.
Rings a Bell
This one is clearly Mad’s advantage. The bells tolling and regressing the party, the bell as the final goal to put a stop to it — that is the lynchpin. The bell in Day is the tuning fork — another squinty one — and it’s just not so important to the story.
Creativity/playability
Both Mad and Day are very creative, as I’ve already said.
Both, though, sacrifice some playability for that creativity.
In Mad, the game appears to be much more about the meta-level edition twisting part of the game than about the story. The stakes are not so much that the characters will die as they are that the players would have to play first edition for the rest of the campaign. It’s conceptually fun and an interesting way to explore the way the game has evolved, but is it playable? I’m not sold that it is.
Day is less risky, but it’s certainly a setting and an idea that is off center. The difference is that the characters experience the difference, not the players.
RG Final Judgement:
It seems like we are plagued with delays in this round of IronDM. I’m sorry for my part of that. So, let’s get cracking:
This is a review of Lowkey13’s adventure “Mad Mages and Grognards” and Rune’s “The Long Day”. (Mad and Day for short).
These are a pair of exceptionally creative, mind bending adventures. It’s great, once again, to see such creative entires.
Mad takes characters in a 5e game and regresses them back to 1e. This seems fun and meta and creative, and at the same time it’s a huge gamble — an adventure that is so meta it may not actually work as a playable experience.
Meanwhile, the risks in Day are subtler. The adventure takes the players to a setting where they will interact with deities in a way that feels more like a fairy tale and less like a typical D&D game.
So, risks all around. Let’s review the ingredients.
The Sun's Consort
In Day, the Sun God’s consort is the god of reflection and tranquility. Her pool is an important location, and is critical to the story. In Mad, celebrants in Greyhawk symbolically wed a donkey to the sun god Pelor. This is a cute moment, but is not as integral to the adventure as it was in Day, so this point goes to Day.
Inverted Tower
Both use the inverted tower as an adventure location — although it’s a bit of a stretch to squint and see tower in a ziggurat, as it is used in Mad. With that exception, I don’t see much advantage in either entry. Call it a wash.
Divine Culture
I’m not getting a solid sense of divine culture from Mad, while Day
Is about tensions between the sun god and his consort. And about patching those things up. So. Day gets this point.
Swollen Village
In Mad, the village of Hommlet is swollen with refugees from other editions. And in Day, the plant folk villagers are swollen because of the excessive daylight. So, even here again.
Malfunctioning Teleporter
Both have this ingredient. For Mad, it’s how the adventure starts, but for Day, it’s the Modron who brings the party to the adventure.
Unlucky Vampire
Both stories have important unlucky vampires, but while Sir Fang joins the party and tags along, Halpess is the focus of the adventure and is much more integrated into the story. So, another point for Day here.
Rings a Bell
This one is clearly Mad’s advantage. The bells tolling and regressing the party, the bell as the final goal to put a stop to it — that is the lynchpin. The bell in Day is the tuning fork — another squinty one — and it’s just not so important to the story.
Creativity/playability
Both Mad and Day are very creative, as I’ve already said.
Both, though, sacrifice some playability for that creativity.
In Mad, the game appears to be much more about the meta-level edition twisting part of the game than about the story. The stakes are not so much that the characters will die as they are that the players would have to play first edition for the rest of the campaign. It’s conceptually fun and an interesting way to explore the way the game has evolved, but is it playable? I’m not sold that it is.
Day is less risky, but it’s certainly a setting and an idea that is off center. The difference is that the characters experience the difference, not the players.
RG Final Judgement:
I think it won’t surprise anyone that I found Day stronger than Mad. So, for my part, I’m giving the win to The Long Day and Rune.
Lowkey13 — well done and thank you for the fun read. You’re facing off against one of the best.
Lowkey13 — well done and thank you for the fun read. You’re facing off against one of the best.
Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
Deuce Traveler's judgement for Round 2, Match 2
"The Long Day" by @Rune versus "Mad Mages and Grognards" by @lowkey13
The list of ingredients meshed together well enough for a high-fantasy adventure, and that's what both authors provided for the D&D 5E system. At first glance at the ingredients, I'm expecting to see an unlucky vampire getting caught by the danger of either the sun or the teleporter. And I see an inverted tower, a village, and a divine culture all fitting together. But maybe this is too obvious and the entries will do something surprising. Let's see how the authors approached the ingredients and how different each entry was from the other.
Timeliness and Word Count:
Both submissions made it before the time limit. And both submissions were below the 1500 word count limit. Full points to both.
Score: Rune 2 vs Lowkey13 2
Grammar and Readability:
Both entries had a threat and important stakes, while at the same time delivering some silly elements.
Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" plays as both a homage of classical D&D and a lampooning of grognards. A casual fan unfamiliar with the game's history would miss that Zagyg was Gary Gygax's creation (Gygax..Zagyg...) and so there's an added clever twist that it is Zagyg wanting to return to an earlier version of D&D. As a grognard myself, I want to point out that I wouldn't call a return to older versions of the game a 'regression'. In all seriousness, you could have played with this and brought it back to the older versions of basic D&D, which was separate from AD&D first edition. Heck, you could have taken it back to Chainmail. Ok, this old grognard is digressing now. Full points for the easy to follow readability and use of grammar.
Rune's "The Long Day" is another fun romp dealing with divinities, vampires, backfiring machinations, and a rogue modron. This thing is packed to the gills with plot and characters, but it reads like it was chopped up a bit too much. This terse and efficient text is typical for an entry from Rune, as it is his way to stuff in more information into an entry. This time I think he chopped too much, making it a little harder to follow. It's still a good entry, and I'm willing to bet he makes it up on the ingredients.
Score: Lowkey13 4 vs Rune 3
First Ingredient: The Sun's Consort
I was going to quibble a bit at Rune's entry. Tranquility doesn't seem to have much to do and is a passive and almost boring player in the drama. I even questioned whether she met the 'consort' portion of the ingredient, or whether she could be exchanged for "The Sun's McGuffin". Upon mulitple readings I changed my mind. Her passivity and manner is opposite that of the sun-diety's fiery nature, and their being consorts would fit in many a mythology.
Lowkey13's use of the ingredient is more stretched. Being a grognard, I know that Pelor is a sun diety in Greyhawk. However, I don't see how the use of a donkey consort is an integral use of the ingredient, or why it is dressed in Zagyg's regalia. I was tempted to give zero points for this, as the donkey consort could be exchanged for just about anything without it impacting the story. Heck, the regalia on the donkey seems more important than the 'consort' itself. I am grudgingly giving a single point here, because the bizarreness of the situation should result in the party asking important questions, which in turn leads them to clues they need to confront Zagyg.
Score: Lowkey13 5 vs Rune 5
Second Ingredient: Inverted Tower
I'm giving full points to each. Both gave flavorful reasons for the ingredient's use in their entries. Rune's entry fit with Tranquility's realm pointing in the opposite direction of the sun diety, while Lowkey13's entry made sense knowing the canon of Zagyg and his ruins. Magic-users in the original game used towers. Zagyg's facility was destroyed and he was thought to have been killed, when in actuality he just used his powers and resources to build downwards...
Score: Lowkey13 7 vs Rune 7
Third Ingredient: Divine Culture
"The Long Day" really nails this ingredient as it permeates through the entirety of the entry. The culture in the tale is both relateable in some ways (i.e. tourism) while also being quite alien, but the very active divinities drive their entire culture.
"Mad Mages and Grognards" mentions a religious festival in a town, which acts as a hook in the adventure, but otherwise the culture of the local populace doesn't have much effect.
Score: Lowkey13 8 vs Rune 9
Fourth Ingredient: Swollen Village
Again, "The Long Day" really nails an ingredient here. The people of the village are literally being swollen, which ends up raising the stakes for the adventurers concerned for the life of fellow sentient beings.
In "Mad Mages and Grognards", the village is swollen due to refugees pouring in from different realms outside of Greyhawk. This brings the party into the adventure, while showing them that something is going terribly wrong.
Full points to both.
Score: Lowkey13 10 vs Rune 11
Fifth Ingredient: Malfunctioning Teleporter
Interestingly, both entries use this ingredient to get the party from another realm and into this specific adventure. The ingredient continues to be in play in both; Rune has a comically malfunctioning moldron tagging along with the party while Lowkey13 has more refugees pouring into Greyhawk.
Full points to both.
Score: Lowkey13 12 vs Rune 13
Sixth Ingredient: Unlucky Vampire
In "The Long Day", Rune's vampire is the main antagonist that drives the entire plot. The vampire has screwed himself over, but is willing to take everyone else down with him as he desperately flails around in a likely doomed attempt to save himself. He is central to the adventure and removing this ingredient ruins the adventure.
In "Mad Mages and Grognards", Lowkey13's unlucky vampire is Sir Fang... who may no longer be a vampire adventurer due to Zagyg's machinations. He's another clue to the party that something is going wrong, but he could have claimed to be draconic or cambion before the transformation without affecting the tale, and he's an incidental character.
Score: Lowkey13 13 vs Rune 15
Seventh Ingredient: Rings a Bell
I'm going to quibble a bit here. Lowkey13's bell could have been a chime, harpsichord, or cowbell and it wouldn't have changed anything outside of the mood of the moment. However, I am going to agree that a bell works well here, especially thinking about how a bell holds special signifance in fantasy lore. And the effects of the bell are completely integral to the story. This is Lowkey13's best use of an ingredient in this match. Bonus props for throwing Lum into the tale, and I love the riddle at the end. True to classic D&D!
Rune's bell isn't as integral. The sun-king is summoned by the bell in order to bring in the night, but I really felt that it could have been any other instrument, and it would have been fit better if Tranquility sung to him or played an instrument to him in order to soothe his fiery temper. Unlike in his opponent's entry, a bell just doesn't seem to fit right here.
Score: Lowkey13 15 vs Rune 16
Utility for a Game Master
Honestly, I'd rather be a player in Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" than Rune's "The Long Day". I take a bit of an affront with a bride donkey wearing Zagyg's (Gygax's) regalia, but enough of this was the right sort of nostalgic for me. But Rune's entry has a lot more depth to it and potential for where the character's might branch off. I do wish there was more to the "Ascent" part of Rune's possible party paths, however. Lowkey13's entry was more a straight dungeon crawl with little deviation outside of the oddball characters that could potentially be summoned in from outside the realm of Greyhawk.
Final Decision:
"The Long Day" by @Rune versus "Mad Mages and Grognards" by @lowkey13
The list of ingredients meshed together well enough for a high-fantasy adventure, and that's what both authors provided for the D&D 5E system. At first glance at the ingredients, I'm expecting to see an unlucky vampire getting caught by the danger of either the sun or the teleporter. And I see an inverted tower, a village, and a divine culture all fitting together. But maybe this is too obvious and the entries will do something surprising. Let's see how the authors approached the ingredients and how different each entry was from the other.
Timeliness and Word Count:
Both submissions made it before the time limit. And both submissions were below the 1500 word count limit. Full points to both.
Score: Rune 2 vs Lowkey13 2
Grammar and Readability:
Both entries had a threat and important stakes, while at the same time delivering some silly elements.
Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" plays as both a homage of classical D&D and a lampooning of grognards. A casual fan unfamiliar with the game's history would miss that Zagyg was Gary Gygax's creation (Gygax..Zagyg...) and so there's an added clever twist that it is Zagyg wanting to return to an earlier version of D&D. As a grognard myself, I want to point out that I wouldn't call a return to older versions of the game a 'regression'. In all seriousness, you could have played with this and brought it back to the older versions of basic D&D, which was separate from AD&D first edition. Heck, you could have taken it back to Chainmail. Ok, this old grognard is digressing now. Full points for the easy to follow readability and use of grammar.
Rune's "The Long Day" is another fun romp dealing with divinities, vampires, backfiring machinations, and a rogue modron. This thing is packed to the gills with plot and characters, but it reads like it was chopped up a bit too much. This terse and efficient text is typical for an entry from Rune, as it is his way to stuff in more information into an entry. This time I think he chopped too much, making it a little harder to follow. It's still a good entry, and I'm willing to bet he makes it up on the ingredients.
Score: Lowkey13 4 vs Rune 3
First Ingredient: The Sun's Consort
I was going to quibble a bit at Rune's entry. Tranquility doesn't seem to have much to do and is a passive and almost boring player in the drama. I even questioned whether she met the 'consort' portion of the ingredient, or whether she could be exchanged for "The Sun's McGuffin". Upon mulitple readings I changed my mind. Her passivity and manner is opposite that of the sun-diety's fiery nature, and their being consorts would fit in many a mythology.
Lowkey13's use of the ingredient is more stretched. Being a grognard, I know that Pelor is a sun diety in Greyhawk. However, I don't see how the use of a donkey consort is an integral use of the ingredient, or why it is dressed in Zagyg's regalia. I was tempted to give zero points for this, as the donkey consort could be exchanged for just about anything without it impacting the story. Heck, the regalia on the donkey seems more important than the 'consort' itself. I am grudgingly giving a single point here, because the bizarreness of the situation should result in the party asking important questions, which in turn leads them to clues they need to confront Zagyg.
Score: Lowkey13 5 vs Rune 5
Second Ingredient: Inverted Tower
I'm giving full points to each. Both gave flavorful reasons for the ingredient's use in their entries. Rune's entry fit with Tranquility's realm pointing in the opposite direction of the sun diety, while Lowkey13's entry made sense knowing the canon of Zagyg and his ruins. Magic-users in the original game used towers. Zagyg's facility was destroyed and he was thought to have been killed, when in actuality he just used his powers and resources to build downwards...
Score: Lowkey13 7 vs Rune 7
Third Ingredient: Divine Culture
"The Long Day" really nails this ingredient as it permeates through the entirety of the entry. The culture in the tale is both relateable in some ways (i.e. tourism) while also being quite alien, but the very active divinities drive their entire culture.
"Mad Mages and Grognards" mentions a religious festival in a town, which acts as a hook in the adventure, but otherwise the culture of the local populace doesn't have much effect.
Score: Lowkey13 8 vs Rune 9
Fourth Ingredient: Swollen Village
Again, "The Long Day" really nails an ingredient here. The people of the village are literally being swollen, which ends up raising the stakes for the adventurers concerned for the life of fellow sentient beings.
In "Mad Mages and Grognards", the village is swollen due to refugees pouring in from different realms outside of Greyhawk. This brings the party into the adventure, while showing them that something is going terribly wrong.
Full points to both.
Score: Lowkey13 10 vs Rune 11
Fifth Ingredient: Malfunctioning Teleporter
Interestingly, both entries use this ingredient to get the party from another realm and into this specific adventure. The ingredient continues to be in play in both; Rune has a comically malfunctioning moldron tagging along with the party while Lowkey13 has more refugees pouring into Greyhawk.
Full points to both.
Score: Lowkey13 12 vs Rune 13
Sixth Ingredient: Unlucky Vampire
In "The Long Day", Rune's vampire is the main antagonist that drives the entire plot. The vampire has screwed himself over, but is willing to take everyone else down with him as he desperately flails around in a likely doomed attempt to save himself. He is central to the adventure and removing this ingredient ruins the adventure.
In "Mad Mages and Grognards", Lowkey13's unlucky vampire is Sir Fang... who may no longer be a vampire adventurer due to Zagyg's machinations. He's another clue to the party that something is going wrong, but he could have claimed to be draconic or cambion before the transformation without affecting the tale, and he's an incidental character.
Score: Lowkey13 13 vs Rune 15
Seventh Ingredient: Rings a Bell
I'm going to quibble a bit here. Lowkey13's bell could have been a chime, harpsichord, or cowbell and it wouldn't have changed anything outside of the mood of the moment. However, I am going to agree that a bell works well here, especially thinking about how a bell holds special signifance in fantasy lore. And the effects of the bell are completely integral to the story. This is Lowkey13's best use of an ingredient in this match. Bonus props for throwing Lum into the tale, and I love the riddle at the end. True to classic D&D!
Rune's bell isn't as integral. The sun-king is summoned by the bell in order to bring in the night, but I really felt that it could have been any other instrument, and it would have been fit better if Tranquility sung to him or played an instrument to him in order to soothe his fiery temper. Unlike in his opponent's entry, a bell just doesn't seem to fit right here.
Score: Lowkey13 15 vs Rune 16
Utility for a Game Master
Honestly, I'd rather be a player in Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" than Rune's "The Long Day". I take a bit of an affront with a bride donkey wearing Zagyg's (Gygax's) regalia, but enough of this was the right sort of nostalgic for me. But Rune's entry has a lot more depth to it and potential for where the character's might branch off. I do wish there was more to the "Ascent" part of Rune's possible party paths, however. Lowkey13's entry was more a straight dungeon crawl with little deviation outside of the oddball characters that could potentially be summoned in from outside the realm of Greyhawk.
Final Decision:
I can't fault either entry too much, and am willing to award full points to both.
Score: Lowkey13 16 vs Rune 17
Good job, both of you. Lowkey13, I think you lost a bit on the word count talking about NPCs the party meets. In the future, use fewer words on the non-ingredient portions of your plot. Use those saved words to beef up the importance of your ingredients. I also noticed that you used less than 1400 words on this entry, which means you could have tossed in an extra 100 points to make some ingredients more integral. I truly enjoyed your entry, but you just need to tighten it up some when you compete next year.
Rune, I choose you to go to the finals.
Score: Lowkey13 16 vs Rune 17
Good job, both of you. Lowkey13, I think you lost a bit on the word count talking about NPCs the party meets. In the future, use fewer words on the non-ingredient portions of your plot. Use those saved words to beef up the importance of your ingredients. I also noticed that you used less than 1400 words on this entry, which means you could have tossed in an extra 100 points to make some ingredients more integral. I truly enjoyed your entry, but you just need to tighten it up some when you compete next year.
Rune, I choose you to go to the finals.
Gradine
🏳️⚧️ (she/her) 🇵🇸
Gradine's Judgment, Round 2 Match 2
Rules and Readability
Both entries are fairly well-formatted and edited, and easy to read. Both Mad Mages and Grognards (hereafter "Grognards") and The Long Day (hereafter "Long") are well within word count as well. I will say that the occasional clipped tone and diction in "Long", while understandably a necessity to cram in as much as possible within the word count, does make the adventure quite a bit less pleasant to read through.
Adventure Flow & Potential
This is my subjective "what did I generally like/dislike about the adventures" section of the judgment. I'll start with "Grognards". This should be a fun if extraordinarily taxing romp through editions past as well as a way to poke good fun at Greyhawk purists. I approve in all cases. It's a bit of a shame that such a colorful locale as the Free City devolves into a fairly bog-standard dungeon-crawl, whereas I would've expected at least some deviation from the 1e norms to draw attention to/poke fun at the events happening. The final riddle is similarly disappointing; it is entirely disconnected from anything that came before; I would've like for it to have been tied to something from earlier, at a minimum; were it also tied to an ingredient that would have been ever better.
"Long" is, similarly, a journey to a strange location with even stranger people to meet. But what starts as an interesting puzzle of communication and culture once-more descends into a dungeon crawl through an inverted tower. The inhabitants here are at least explained and indicative of the issues involved, and the fact that the entire thing is underwater with automatic freedom of movement applied makes the journey itself more interesting.
Both adventures have strong hooks: in the case of "Grognards", the PCs are summoned against their will; "Long's" heroes must be petitioned, but there is plenty worthy motivation for both heroes both good and mercenary. The stakes are tied directly to the PCs' fates in "Grognards" which makes them inherently stronger than those in "Long's", whose PCs aren't personally involved in any of the adventure's precedings. This doesn't make it a bad adventure by any stretch, and in fact the stakes are not only pretty evident but ramped up and paced well; just not as strong as they are in "Grognards".
The Ingredients
So far, I think that "Long" has a slight edge in terms of strength of its adventure. Let's see how the ingredients shake out.
The Sun's Consort
"Grognards" has the whole festival of debauchery with Pelor and the donkey which... doesn't strike me as a canonical tribute to Greyhawk's sun god? But who am I to complain. The donkey's relevance to the adventure is in providing clues linking Zagyg to the bells and the changes, but its relevance as The Sun's Consort seems... to be entirely lacking. If The Sun's Consort had any relevance beyond "let's throw a party for Pelor every night! For reasons!" it would have been quite a bit stronger. Maybe having the consort provide the clue to the final puzzle as well? Meanwhile, Providence plays a much more central role in "Long", both as a consort to the sun and within the adventure's structure as well.
Inverted Tower
This is another one of those ingredients I was hoping for so much more from. Both entries have a dungeon that is a tower built down into the underground. "Long's" tower dungeon is a little more interesting on balance, but there's otherwise little to no reason given in either why the structure is a tower and why it's inverted the way it is.
Divine Culture
My guess in "Grognards" is that this is the festival to Pelor, which is a thing that happens, sure, and it does provide the PC's a useful cure as well, but the revelry doesn't seem to match the source (a nighttime frivolity marrying a sun god to a donkey?) and in either case its shape has no direct relevance to the adventure. It could have been any non-religious ceremony, and the clue could have been presented in any form. That this ingredient is tied in very well to The Sun's Consort is actually quite good and is to be commended; I just wish that either were more directly relevant to the proceedings. In "Long", the Divine Culture and their deities' behaviors are the crux of the adventure.
Swollen Village
Fun fact: I got this term from a textbook on turn of the 20th century urban and rural education written in the 1970's and I still could not tell you in the least bit what the hell it's supposed to mean. Both entries do a pretty good job of pulling this one off, though I again have to give this one to "Long" as it's a little more creative in how its inhabitants get "swollen" and its location matches the term "village" quite a bit more than The Free City of Greyhawk does.
Malfunctioning Teleporter
This is the misfire that sends the party to Greyhawk in "Grognards"; it's left unsaid, but this is probably responsible for all of the other campaign setting refugees as well. I actually like this use a bit more than in "Long", where its existence as an impediment to the sun's return feels somewhat unnecessary and tacked on, particularly as there is lack of any instructions on how, exactly to repair it.
Unlucky Vampire
"Sir Fang" seems like they would be a really fun NPC to have the PCs interact with, but sadly, his relevance to the adventure begins and ends with his introduction. The party could let him join them, or they could not. He's not really needed in the final dungeon or at really any point within "Grognards". He doesn't even have any reason to be a vampire, other than that's what the ingredient says. "Halpess" is a little more relevant in "Long" given his nature as the primary antagonist. I'm not sure that either his lack of luck nor his status as a vampire are strictly necessary; however the vampire's weaknesses play well with some of the settings' other trappings, which isn't terrible.
Rings a Bell
I was expecting this to be a difficult one, but both entries used bells to quite good effect. I actually have to give this one "Grognards"; not only is the bell itself a bit more central than it is in "Long" (where its use is more denouement than climax), but for a secondary reference that I am not sure was intentional (though intentional or not, I count an ingredient's existence) in the role memory plays in the adventure; both in the literal sense (characters beginning to forget where they came from/how they got there) and in the meta sense (remembering the way we used to play the game; the way Greyhawk used to be). If that was intentional, bravo!
In Conclusion
While I enjoy both of these entries quite a deal, I feel like one of the two stands out, not just on the strength of its adventure but on its usage of ingredients.
On to the championship!
Rules and Readability
Both entries are fairly well-formatted and edited, and easy to read. Both Mad Mages and Grognards (hereafter "Grognards") and The Long Day (hereafter "Long") are well within word count as well. I will say that the occasional clipped tone and diction in "Long", while understandably a necessity to cram in as much as possible within the word count, does make the adventure quite a bit less pleasant to read through.
Adventure Flow & Potential
This is my subjective "what did I generally like/dislike about the adventures" section of the judgment. I'll start with "Grognards". This should be a fun if extraordinarily taxing romp through editions past as well as a way to poke good fun at Greyhawk purists. I approve in all cases. It's a bit of a shame that such a colorful locale as the Free City devolves into a fairly bog-standard dungeon-crawl, whereas I would've expected at least some deviation from the 1e norms to draw attention to/poke fun at the events happening. The final riddle is similarly disappointing; it is entirely disconnected from anything that came before; I would've like for it to have been tied to something from earlier, at a minimum; were it also tied to an ingredient that would have been ever better.
"Long" is, similarly, a journey to a strange location with even stranger people to meet. But what starts as an interesting puzzle of communication and culture once-more descends into a dungeon crawl through an inverted tower. The inhabitants here are at least explained and indicative of the issues involved, and the fact that the entire thing is underwater with automatic freedom of movement applied makes the journey itself more interesting.
Both adventures have strong hooks: in the case of "Grognards", the PCs are summoned against their will; "Long's" heroes must be petitioned, but there is plenty worthy motivation for both heroes both good and mercenary. The stakes are tied directly to the PCs' fates in "Grognards" which makes them inherently stronger than those in "Long's", whose PCs aren't personally involved in any of the adventure's precedings. This doesn't make it a bad adventure by any stretch, and in fact the stakes are not only pretty evident but ramped up and paced well; just not as strong as they are in "Grognards".
The Ingredients
So far, I think that "Long" has a slight edge in terms of strength of its adventure. Let's see how the ingredients shake out.
The Sun's Consort
"Grognards" has the whole festival of debauchery with Pelor and the donkey which... doesn't strike me as a canonical tribute to Greyhawk's sun god? But who am I to complain. The donkey's relevance to the adventure is in providing clues linking Zagyg to the bells and the changes, but its relevance as The Sun's Consort seems... to be entirely lacking. If The Sun's Consort had any relevance beyond "let's throw a party for Pelor every night! For reasons!" it would have been quite a bit stronger. Maybe having the consort provide the clue to the final puzzle as well? Meanwhile, Providence plays a much more central role in "Long", both as a consort to the sun and within the adventure's structure as well.
Inverted Tower
This is another one of those ingredients I was hoping for so much more from. Both entries have a dungeon that is a tower built down into the underground. "Long's" tower dungeon is a little more interesting on balance, but there's otherwise little to no reason given in either why the structure is a tower and why it's inverted the way it is.
Divine Culture
My guess in "Grognards" is that this is the festival to Pelor, which is a thing that happens, sure, and it does provide the PC's a useful cure as well, but the revelry doesn't seem to match the source (a nighttime frivolity marrying a sun god to a donkey?) and in either case its shape has no direct relevance to the adventure. It could have been any non-religious ceremony, and the clue could have been presented in any form. That this ingredient is tied in very well to The Sun's Consort is actually quite good and is to be commended; I just wish that either were more directly relevant to the proceedings. In "Long", the Divine Culture and their deities' behaviors are the crux of the adventure.
Swollen Village
Fun fact: I got this term from a textbook on turn of the 20th century urban and rural education written in the 1970's and I still could not tell you in the least bit what the hell it's supposed to mean. Both entries do a pretty good job of pulling this one off, though I again have to give this one to "Long" as it's a little more creative in how its inhabitants get "swollen" and its location matches the term "village" quite a bit more than The Free City of Greyhawk does.
Malfunctioning Teleporter
This is the misfire that sends the party to Greyhawk in "Grognards"; it's left unsaid, but this is probably responsible for all of the other campaign setting refugees as well. I actually like this use a bit more than in "Long", where its existence as an impediment to the sun's return feels somewhat unnecessary and tacked on, particularly as there is lack of any instructions on how, exactly to repair it.
Unlucky Vampire
"Sir Fang" seems like they would be a really fun NPC to have the PCs interact with, but sadly, his relevance to the adventure begins and ends with his introduction. The party could let him join them, or they could not. He's not really needed in the final dungeon or at really any point within "Grognards". He doesn't even have any reason to be a vampire, other than that's what the ingredient says. "Halpess" is a little more relevant in "Long" given his nature as the primary antagonist. I'm not sure that either his lack of luck nor his status as a vampire are strictly necessary; however the vampire's weaknesses play well with some of the settings' other trappings, which isn't terrible.
Rings a Bell
I was expecting this to be a difficult one, but both entries used bells to quite good effect. I actually have to give this one "Grognards"; not only is the bell itself a bit more central than it is in "Long" (where its use is more denouement than climax), but for a secondary reference that I am not sure was intentional (though intentional or not, I count an ingredient's existence) in the role memory plays in the adventure; both in the literal sense (characters beginning to forget where they came from/how they got there) and in the meta sense (remembering the way we used to play the game; the way Greyhawk used to be). If that was intentional, bravo!
In Conclusion
While I enjoy both of these entries quite a deal, I feel like one of the two stands out, not just on the strength of its adventure but on its usage of ingredients.
Ultimately, "The Long Day" stands as the better adventure and does a better job incorporating its ingredients. This is not to say that "Mad Mages and Grognards" was not a good adventure; it definitely is and it seems like it would be a great deal of fun, especially to the folks who would get the references. But too many of the ingredients were incidental or irrelevant. A strong Iron DM adventure makes those ingredients central; changing or removing them should fundamentally change the nature of the adventure.
Thus, it appears that, by unanimous decision, Rune advances to the finals to face Iron Sky! Congratulations!
lowkey, I think you know that this was not your best work, and your comments in the other thread revealed that you had some timing issues that prevented you from fully fleshing out your original idea (which I would love to have seen!). That this was your "last-minute backup" says a lot more about your skill and talent as an adventure designer than one might imagine. You've already shown your ability to put together some great works, and I'm excited to see what you have to bring to the table next year.
As it is, congratulations again to Rune, and we will see you in our finale!
Thus, it appears that, by unanimous decision, Rune advances to the finals to face Iron Sky! Congratulations!
lowkey, I think you know that this was not your best work, and your comments in the other thread revealed that you had some timing issues that prevented you from fully fleshing out your original idea (which I would love to have seen!). That this was your "last-minute backup" says a lot more about your skill and talent as an adventure designer than one might imagine. You've already shown your ability to put together some great works, and I'm excited to see what you have to bring to the table next year.
As it is, congratulations again to Rune, and we will see you in our finale!
On to the championship!
Rune
Once A Fool
Astute observers may note that I posted my submission for round two within three minutes of deadline. This is, of course, because I was racing the clock to put out a polished version. We almost got one. I had, after a draft that I was more or less happy with, a surplus of nearly 500 words. I had allotted myself plenty of time for the final editing/reformatting passes, but at 500 words, it was just barely enough and I still missed a typo here and there.
The judges have commented on my clipped writing style and a resulting difficulty in reading the entry. It wasn’t my intention to do so this time around; it was an unfortunate necessity. I had come to a point where I felt I could cut no more content of subsequence. I had more to trim and I had to make very quick decisions about where to do it. Oh well.
On the whole, though, I like the entry and I think it would be fun to play or run.
I spent the whole first evening working out those ingredients. But I couldn’t think of a good hook. To my mind, a good hook should draw upon at least one of three things. The most important of these: curiosity. After that: greed. Finally: responsibility to others. The hook that I landed on draws on the first two in order. And, of course, responsibility to others plays a large part of moving the adventure along once they get to it.
Thus began the actual writing.
About that hook: It had opened up the door to the adventure but it caused a few problems as well. For one thing, now that I had called out the material component of the plane shift spell (a tuning fork), I suddenly had something that could be mistaken for the “rings a bell” ingredient. Considering that I had a better intended use for the ingredient down the line, this could be a problem. But I really liked the hook, so no change.
The same thing happened with a different ingredient. Because plane shift utilizes a teleportation circle, I now I had a means for Sun-King to travel between sky and lake. Which, of course, the deity was inclined to destroy. But that meant that this damaged teleportation circle (that could still receive) could also stand in for an ingredient: the “malfunctioning teleporter”. I liked the modron much more, but it was OK.
Of course, the modron wasn’t actually integral to the adventure, anyway, and, in fact, could be bypassed completely if the players had access to plane shift on their own. Other than acting as a hook and possible entry to the inverted tower, the modron was pretty much a b-plot.
And about that bell? Did it really even need to be a bell? Well, yeah, it actually did. But it really wasn’t clear at all.
Since it was underwater, it was silent. But it created ripples across the usually pristine surface of the lake. Rings, as it were. It was this disruption that signalled to the ever downward-looking Sun-King and summoned the deity home (a thing I assumed the players would want to try to end Halpess and/or solve the Florasapien problem).
Did the inverted tower need to be a tower? Again, yes. Because the inverted tower was a reflection of Sun-King’s tower. Which, of course (being a place of petition and holy site for the Florasapiens’ worship of a sun-deity and the point of ascension for Sun-King’s daily rule), needed to reach into the sky.
About the consort: this was actually the first ingredient I worked out. The key to it all. I wondered what kind of constant companion I could come up with for the sun and after some deliberation I landed on reflection. Once I had that, the tower became obvious as well.
Of coarse, Tranquility’s presence in the adventure is felt mostly in its absence. But I wanted the deity’s personality to pervade throughout, nevertheless. And what was that personality? Exactly the opposite of the fiery sun, of course. And since it was a deity of reflection, I could play around with the meaning of that word, as well. Not just physical reflection, but introspection and wisdom, as well. The ingredient became a theme for the adventure and that meant I had a natural foil for the antagonist.
Speaking of whom, we come to the unlucky vampire: Of course, one must wonder if misfortune heaped upon one’s self can truly be called bad luck. I figured I could play around with that. Is the nature of the curse self-fulfilling? Could the unlucky vampire, through better decisions, have negated the curse? How good of a villain could he be when he is almost certainly going to be a pushover in combat anyway?
All fun things to explore, I thought. I was disappointed that I had to cut one line explicitly pointing out that, because he chose to enter the tower the hard way, Halpess lacked freedom of movement and therefore the enhanced unluck he was suffering would be felt on virtually every combat roll. An easy thing to miss while running a game, but I had 500 words to cut and those were some of them.
Swollen village: Sun god. Plant people. Uncontrollable growth. Stakes for the adventure. Looked good to me.
Finally, the divine culture: another major theme of the adventure was going to be the importance of culture (specifically, the importance of learning it). The plant people’s culture (as well as the adventure) was centered around the two deities’ relationship. All well and good. Of course, the actual deities did not have a culture within the adventure and the plant-folk were not themselves divine, but it looked good enough. Still pretty solid. I’d risk it.
Time to edit. Five hundred words to cut, while also fixing formatting inconsistencies. Less time than I needed. But I made it. Not my best entry, perhaps, but among the better ones.
The judges have commented on my clipped writing style and a resulting difficulty in reading the entry. It wasn’t my intention to do so this time around; it was an unfortunate necessity. I had come to a point where I felt I could cut no more content of subsequence. I had more to trim and I had to make very quick decisions about where to do it. Oh well.
On the whole, though, I like the entry and I think it would be fun to play or run.
I spent the whole first evening working out those ingredients. But I couldn’t think of a good hook. To my mind, a good hook should draw upon at least one of three things. The most important of these: curiosity. After that: greed. Finally: responsibility to others. The hook that I landed on draws on the first two in order. And, of course, responsibility to others plays a large part of moving the adventure along once they get to it.
Thus began the actual writing.
About that hook: It had opened up the door to the adventure but it caused a few problems as well. For one thing, now that I had called out the material component of the plane shift spell (a tuning fork), I suddenly had something that could be mistaken for the “rings a bell” ingredient. Considering that I had a better intended use for the ingredient down the line, this could be a problem. But I really liked the hook, so no change.
The same thing happened with a different ingredient. Because plane shift utilizes a teleportation circle, I now I had a means for Sun-King to travel between sky and lake. Which, of course, the deity was inclined to destroy. But that meant that this damaged teleportation circle (that could still receive) could also stand in for an ingredient: the “malfunctioning teleporter”. I liked the modron much more, but it was OK.
Of course, the modron wasn’t actually integral to the adventure, anyway, and, in fact, could be bypassed completely if the players had access to plane shift on their own. Other than acting as a hook and possible entry to the inverted tower, the modron was pretty much a b-plot.
And about that bell? Did it really even need to be a bell? Well, yeah, it actually did. But it really wasn’t clear at all.
Since it was underwater, it was silent. But it created ripples across the usually pristine surface of the lake. Rings, as it were. It was this disruption that signalled to the ever downward-looking Sun-King and summoned the deity home (a thing I assumed the players would want to try to end Halpess and/or solve the Florasapien problem).
Did the inverted tower need to be a tower? Again, yes. Because the inverted tower was a reflection of Sun-King’s tower. Which, of course (being a place of petition and holy site for the Florasapiens’ worship of a sun-deity and the point of ascension for Sun-King’s daily rule), needed to reach into the sky.
About the consort: this was actually the first ingredient I worked out. The key to it all. I wondered what kind of constant companion I could come up with for the sun and after some deliberation I landed on reflection. Once I had that, the tower became obvious as well.
Of coarse, Tranquility’s presence in the adventure is felt mostly in its absence. But I wanted the deity’s personality to pervade throughout, nevertheless. And what was that personality? Exactly the opposite of the fiery sun, of course. And since it was a deity of reflection, I could play around with the meaning of that word, as well. Not just physical reflection, but introspection and wisdom, as well. The ingredient became a theme for the adventure and that meant I had a natural foil for the antagonist.
Speaking of whom, we come to the unlucky vampire: Of course, one must wonder if misfortune heaped upon one’s self can truly be called bad luck. I figured I could play around with that. Is the nature of the curse self-fulfilling? Could the unlucky vampire, through better decisions, have negated the curse? How good of a villain could he be when he is almost certainly going to be a pushover in combat anyway?
All fun things to explore, I thought. I was disappointed that I had to cut one line explicitly pointing out that, because he chose to enter the tower the hard way, Halpess lacked freedom of movement and therefore the enhanced unluck he was suffering would be felt on virtually every combat roll. An easy thing to miss while running a game, but I had 500 words to cut and those were some of them.
Swollen village: Sun god. Plant people. Uncontrollable growth. Stakes for the adventure. Looked good to me.
Finally, the divine culture: another major theme of the adventure was going to be the importance of culture (specifically, the importance of learning it). The plant people’s culture (as well as the adventure) was centered around the two deities’ relationship. All well and good. Of course, the actual deities did not have a culture within the adventure and the plant-folk were not themselves divine, but it looked good enough. Still pretty solid. I’d risk it.
Time to edit. Five hundred words to cut, while also fixing formatting inconsistencies. Less time than I needed. But I made it. Not my best entry, perhaps, but among the better ones.
I must confess, @lowkey13 was a foe I figured quite likely to have my number. This thought was only reinforced as I read the entry. Creativity and wit seamlessly blend into a deceptively tight framework. Of particular note, your “rings a bell” use exemplifies everything an IRON DM ingredient should be. It is evocative, integral (to the adventure as a whole and to the PCs specifically), and inherently interconnected with the others. AND it provides a thematic underpinning for the adventure. Well done, sir. We need more of that. I certainly hope to see you compete again!
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Gradine
🏳️⚧️ (she/her) 🇵🇸
IRON DM 2019: Round 3, Championship Match: Rune vs Iron Sky
@Rune and @Iron Sky, we are now on Round 3 where your word limit and number of ingredients have increased. You have 48 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 2000 additional words. Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.
Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 1800. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1400. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1000. In addition, entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judges with consent from the match's opposing competitor. Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; we will ignore everything after.
Your ingredients are:
@Rune and @Iron Sky, we are now on Round 3 where your word limit and number of ingredients have increased. You have 48 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 2000 additional words. Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.
Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 1800. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1400. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1000. In addition, entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judges with consent from the match's opposing competitor. Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; we will ignore everything after.
Your ingredients are:
- Underwater Waterfall
- Wandslinger's Disgrace
- Doctor's Orders
- Wicked Valley
- Herald of Storms
- Amphibious Lurker
- Glowing Basement
- Beef
Iron Sky
Procedurally Generated
The 9th Pace
A fantasy adventure
Sailing across the ocean in search of riches, explorers found Karnia: a continent ringed by reefs and mountains, as remote as it is desolate. In spite of distance and danger, an infestation of penal colonies, struggling settlements, and rough towns dedicated to swindling a stream of idealists, adventurers, and refugees from the Old World soon marred Karnia's east coast.
No riches awaited, just rocky wastes populated by hardy scrub grasses and herds of wild cattle quickly multiplying after escaping from early settlers. Before long, the interior hosted roaming nomads driving herds of longhorns towards awaiting merchant ships in the east.
They found no civilizations, no ruins awaiting plundering... until recently when a group of pioneers discovered Wicked Valley. A narrow stretch of marginal land flanked by jagged ranges, Wicked Valley held three treasures: a strangely glowing freshwater lake, a ruin-scattered natural harbor, and a collapsed temple complex. The settlers set up at the edge of the ruins, utilizing the abundant masonry to cobble together a small town.
But the temple ruins weren't abandoned.
An ancient tribe of elves lived within; a bizarre, xenophobic, superstitious people, their Elven language barely recognizable. Miscommunications and the elves' extreme reactions to any outsider approaching the radiant stair descending into the temple's heart pushed relations to the brink of violence until the arrival of a third party flipped the whole situation on its head.
A desperado gang hit the big-time, making off with hundreds of longhorns. Driving their stolen cattle herd before them, the dozens-strong gang turned to the Valley to hide out, setting the longhorns to grazing near the lake and making camp around the town. Flush with success, the boss, Silver Jack, strutted about town like he owned it. The people cowered.
Except one.
Enter Two-Draw Fearson, bumping into Silver Jack as the boss exited the saloon.
A year ago he challenged the best wandslinger in the world, Ira Longarm. Fearson jumped at a noise and drew on the 9th pace, blasting Ira in the back before an audience of thousands.
Heedless of his men's warnings and restraints, Jack challenged Fearson to square off and was dead before he'd closed his mouth. Fearson's wands slid comfortably back into their sheaths before Jack's men even had time to draw their weapons. Without further ado, Fearson swiped Jack's smoldering coin pouch and walked into the saloon. The exiled wandslinger fled half-way across the world into the bottom of a bottle.
The gang immediately fractured. Jack's brutal enforcer, Jubal Clay, took over the majority of the desperados while Lil'Doc Deshyne, who'd tended man and beast, took the handful that remained. Clay thought he should be in charge and Lil'Doc, a root doctor, thought everyone should follow her orders since she held the antidote.
In her experiments mixing potions from local plants – using cow reticulums of cows slated for slaughter to grind ingredients faster – she found instead the plants toxified the cattle, producing meat that painfully drove its consumers mad. Antidote: the half-digested ingredients from a cow stomach.
Claiming the former owners of the cattle had leveled a curse that only her hoodoo could counter, she covertly fed the poisoned beef to as much of the gang as possible. Clay caught on, but not before many of his men fell under Lil'Doc's "curse", following her every demand in exchange for her “warding herbs”. Now Clay's few second-rate wandslingers devote most of their time to scanning their meat, dumping rejects into the lake.
The gang sits in two armed and hostile camps, the unfortunate townsfolk caught in between.
Add in the native elven tribe: long-isolated custodians now millennia into their task of sustaining Luagal, the demon guardian of Hatepuna, the Mother of all Storms. In a now-mythical war, Hatepuna's storms nearly destroyed the world. Unable to destroy the primordial, the victors locked her away at the end of the most remote and desolate continent in the world. The elven hero of the tale swore his people would stay to ensure the demon remained complacent. History surged onward leaving his people forgotten, isolated, inbred, superstitious, and increasingly deranged.
While the elves hide beneath the temple ruins, their leader, Duququm, raves in the streets, proclaiming in his crude Common the coming end of times unless everyone flees the Valley.
For good reason.
Luagal, a giant two-headed worm demon summoned from the primordial Abyss during the war, dwells within a massive underwater glass dome. Half the dome sits underwater, the other extends into the basement level of the temple. One of Luagal's gaping maws protrudes through a hole in the dome out into the lake, water pouring from its tail end onto the massive snail shell containing Hatepuna.
Should the shell no longer be cooled and grounded by primordial-touched water, Hatepuna's body of living lightning would shatter it in an instant. Even so, the water steams off while lightning randomly arcs from the shell – which looks like a gigantic, jagged boulder – to strike the glass panels of the foggy dome, setting them glowing for hours. Laugal's essence also taints the lake, concentrating especially the plants Lil'Doc discovered.
Long contented with the odd skinned rat or lizard thrown into the water as offering, Luagal recently sucked in toxic beef, feeding the demon's hungers. Elves have begun to steal cattle, skin them, and throw the bodies into the lake at night. Even worse, a desperado knifed in an argument and dumped in the lake sank to Luagal's maw. Duququm's kidnapped and sacrificed several townsfolk to keep the demon sated. Its appetite only grows.
To complicate things still further, a giant, ancient specimen of cone snail roams land and lake, its shell perfectly resembling the sharp boulders littering Wicked Valley. Trapped in the shell of its long-dead ancestor, Hatepuna has begun to control the snail from her prison, using the unsuspected creature to sow chaos and discord as it indiscriminately kills and swallows whole any elves, townsfolk, and desperados it catches alone and unaware.
Everyone blames someone else for the disappearances, but no group is strong enough to directly confront another.
Enter Heroes
Use the first of the hooks below, sprinkling in others as desired:
A summary of the situation in town:
Clay, Lil'Doc, Duququm, and the townsfolk each approach the PCs, urging them to join their side and break the stalemate. Tactics include pleading, threatening, charm, seduction, intimidation, promising immanent glory or doom, offering alcohol, money, cattle, rank, profits, supplies, meals and lodging, and/or artifacts from the ruins.
PCs might try to profit by playing factions against each other, pick one and facilitate their victory, stake their own claim, or try to steer between them all while figuring out how they're supposed to save the world with the huge spike they hauled across ocean and continent. The Valley contains no waterfalls.
If the PCs assist any faction, they are tasked with helping advance the next step of the leader's agenda. After the PCs take significant action or remain inactive long enough, advance one other agenda (GM choice or random). Skip a step if the action listed is invalid.
Clay's Agenda
Elves eliminated: If the elves are ever wiped out, Luagal swims to the surface a week later and devours every creature in sight. After easy pickings are gone, the demon squirms inland to continue its feast.
A day later, Hatepuna escapes (see Hatepuna's Victory below).
Hatepuna's Agenda
Townfolk's Agenda
The people push the PCs to counter the other's agendas until the tribe and desperados all go away.
Fearson
By far the deadliest individual in town, Fearson seeks only to drown his guilt. Attempts to influence him require a careful, slow approach, convincing him gradually over several days that he can find redemption. Proposals include love (or lust), rescuing the beleaguered townsfolk and/or saving the world (heroic fame), leading the desperados (infamy instead), or other PC cleverness.
If the PCs sway him first, he'll help them blast through any supernatural and/or hostile obstacles.
Without intervention from outside, he simply drinks until his “just fate” befalls him.
The Holy Dome
If the PCs help Duququm achieve two steps of his agenda, he'll allow them access to the glowing temple basement. Alternately, they might fight or sneak in.
Half the glowing glass dome arcs into the space. An arched doorway leads into the dome wherein the spike's placement becomes obvious. Planting it is non-trivial in the face of fanatical elves, Luagal's other hungry maw, random lightning arcs, then the process of driving the lightning rod down through the shell - all in dense fog.
Should they succeed, Hatepuna's energy blasts through the spike into the ground and dissipates. The dome begins to collapse; cue dramatic final escape scene.
If Luagal is not also defeated, see Luagal Victory above.
Rewards
A fantasy adventure
Sailing across the ocean in search of riches, explorers found Karnia: a continent ringed by reefs and mountains, as remote as it is desolate. In spite of distance and danger, an infestation of penal colonies, struggling settlements, and rough towns dedicated to swindling a stream of idealists, adventurers, and refugees from the Old World soon marred Karnia's east coast.
No riches awaited, just rocky wastes populated by hardy scrub grasses and herds of wild cattle quickly multiplying after escaping from early settlers. Before long, the interior hosted roaming nomads driving herds of longhorns towards awaiting merchant ships in the east.
They found no civilizations, no ruins awaiting plundering... until recently when a group of pioneers discovered Wicked Valley. A narrow stretch of marginal land flanked by jagged ranges, Wicked Valley held three treasures: a strangely glowing freshwater lake, a ruin-scattered natural harbor, and a collapsed temple complex. The settlers set up at the edge of the ruins, utilizing the abundant masonry to cobble together a small town.
But the temple ruins weren't abandoned.
An ancient tribe of elves lived within; a bizarre, xenophobic, superstitious people, their Elven language barely recognizable. Miscommunications and the elves' extreme reactions to any outsider approaching the radiant stair descending into the temple's heart pushed relations to the brink of violence until the arrival of a third party flipped the whole situation on its head.
A desperado gang hit the big-time, making off with hundreds of longhorns. Driving their stolen cattle herd before them, the dozens-strong gang turned to the Valley to hide out, setting the longhorns to grazing near the lake and making camp around the town. Flush with success, the boss, Silver Jack, strutted about town like he owned it. The people cowered.
Except one.
Enter Two-Draw Fearson, bumping into Silver Jack as the boss exited the saloon.
A year ago he challenged the best wandslinger in the world, Ira Longarm. Fearson jumped at a noise and drew on the 9th pace, blasting Ira in the back before an audience of thousands.
Heedless of his men's warnings and restraints, Jack challenged Fearson to square off and was dead before he'd closed his mouth. Fearson's wands slid comfortably back into their sheaths before Jack's men even had time to draw their weapons. Without further ado, Fearson swiped Jack's smoldering coin pouch and walked into the saloon. The exiled wandslinger fled half-way across the world into the bottom of a bottle.
The gang immediately fractured. Jack's brutal enforcer, Jubal Clay, took over the majority of the desperados while Lil'Doc Deshyne, who'd tended man and beast, took the handful that remained. Clay thought he should be in charge and Lil'Doc, a root doctor, thought everyone should follow her orders since she held the antidote.
In her experiments mixing potions from local plants – using cow reticulums of cows slated for slaughter to grind ingredients faster – she found instead the plants toxified the cattle, producing meat that painfully drove its consumers mad. Antidote: the half-digested ingredients from a cow stomach.
Claiming the former owners of the cattle had leveled a curse that only her hoodoo could counter, she covertly fed the poisoned beef to as much of the gang as possible. Clay caught on, but not before many of his men fell under Lil'Doc's "curse", following her every demand in exchange for her “warding herbs”. Now Clay's few second-rate wandslingers devote most of their time to scanning their meat, dumping rejects into the lake.
The gang sits in two armed and hostile camps, the unfortunate townsfolk caught in between.
Add in the native elven tribe: long-isolated custodians now millennia into their task of sustaining Luagal, the demon guardian of Hatepuna, the Mother of all Storms. In a now-mythical war, Hatepuna's storms nearly destroyed the world. Unable to destroy the primordial, the victors locked her away at the end of the most remote and desolate continent in the world. The elven hero of the tale swore his people would stay to ensure the demon remained complacent. History surged onward leaving his people forgotten, isolated, inbred, superstitious, and increasingly deranged.
While the elves hide beneath the temple ruins, their leader, Duququm, raves in the streets, proclaiming in his crude Common the coming end of times unless everyone flees the Valley.
For good reason.
Luagal, a giant two-headed worm demon summoned from the primordial Abyss during the war, dwells within a massive underwater glass dome. Half the dome sits underwater, the other extends into the basement level of the temple. One of Luagal's gaping maws protrudes through a hole in the dome out into the lake, water pouring from its tail end onto the massive snail shell containing Hatepuna.
Should the shell no longer be cooled and grounded by primordial-touched water, Hatepuna's body of living lightning would shatter it in an instant. Even so, the water steams off while lightning randomly arcs from the shell – which looks like a gigantic, jagged boulder – to strike the glass panels of the foggy dome, setting them glowing for hours. Laugal's essence also taints the lake, concentrating especially the plants Lil'Doc discovered.
Long contented with the odd skinned rat or lizard thrown into the water as offering, Luagal recently sucked in toxic beef, feeding the demon's hungers. Elves have begun to steal cattle, skin them, and throw the bodies into the lake at night. Even worse, a desperado knifed in an argument and dumped in the lake sank to Luagal's maw. Duququm's kidnapped and sacrificed several townsfolk to keep the demon sated. Its appetite only grows.
To complicate things still further, a giant, ancient specimen of cone snail roams land and lake, its shell perfectly resembling the sharp boulders littering Wicked Valley. Trapped in the shell of its long-dead ancestor, Hatepuna has begun to control the snail from her prison, using the unsuspected creature to sow chaos and discord as it indiscriminately kills and swallows whole any elves, townsfolk, and desperados it catches alone and unaware.
Everyone blames someone else for the disappearances, but no group is strong enough to directly confront another.
Enter Heroes
Use the first of the hooks below, sprinkling in others as desired:
- Seers, high priests, and oracles foresee “a great doom looming in the West”. A powerful NPC patron of the PCs endows them with an enchanted fifteen-foot-long metal spike, admonishing them to "take this to the furthest coast of the furthest continent and, in the desolate vale, drive it through the Boulder-That-Is-Not-A-Boulder beneath the waterfall. The fate of our world depends on it.”
- Bounty posters for Silver Jack, Lil'Doc, Fearson, and Clay.
- Elven myths of “the lost tribe of the lost continent” point Karnia-wards.
- New settlers seek escorts to reach their families in Wicked Valley.
A summary of the situation in town:
- Clay's gang camps at the north-east end of town. Clay: huge, brutal, direct
- Lil'Doc's gang camps at the south-west end. Lil'Doc: amoral, bossy, manipulative
- Townsfolk between, afraid to leave their homes. Townsfolk: cowering, powerless, hopeless
- Duququm's tribe hides in the temple ruins while he roams the streets proclaiming the apocalypse. Duququm: raving, fixated, superstitious
- Fearson drinking himself oblivious in the saloon. Fearson: depressed, touchy, melodramatic
- A harpoon-firing, wagon-sized snail lurking in water or boulderfield
Clay, Lil'Doc, Duququm, and the townsfolk each approach the PCs, urging them to join their side and break the stalemate. Tactics include pleading, threatening, charm, seduction, intimidation, promising immanent glory or doom, offering alcohol, money, cattle, rank, profits, supplies, meals and lodging, and/or artifacts from the ruins.
PCs might try to profit by playing factions against each other, pick one and facilitate their victory, stake their own claim, or try to steer between them all while figuring out how they're supposed to save the world with the huge spike they hauled across ocean and continent. The Valley contains no waterfalls.
If the PCs assist any faction, they are tasked with helping advance the next step of the leader's agenda. After the PCs take significant action or remain inactive long enough, advance one other agenda (GM choice or random). Skip a step if the action listed is invalid.
Clay's Agenda
- Start
- Take control of streets
- Take control of entire herd
- Wipe out Lil'Doc's gang (Lil'Doc flees)
- Kill Fearson in his sleep
- Wipe out elves
- PCs: "Swear fealty or die"
- Victory: Establish seat of bandit kingdom. Grow powerful and feared.
- Start
- “Curse” PCs, order them to help her in exchange for “reprieve from the curse”. If "cursed", PCs suffer sickness and madness from a demon-tainted, supernatural toxin. Effects worsen daily until gradually abating if they survive for two weeks.
- Take control of streets
- Take control of entire herd
- "Curse" Fearson
- Order Fearson to kill Clay. Lil'Doc takes over the whole gang
- Wipe out elves
- Victory: Spread the “curse” – always blaming it on some outside group – until she is the boss of all Western Karnia
- Start
- Thin gang ranks
- Round up townsfolk as sacrifices
- Kidnap and sacrifice Clay or Lil'Doc (random or GM choice)
- Convince Fearson of the coming doom
- Fearson kills the surviving gang leader and takes over gang
- Round up PCs as sacrifices
- Victory: Elves and desperados raid further and further afield for cow and human meat to keep Luagal appeased.
Elves eliminated: If the elves are ever wiped out, Luagal swims to the surface a week later and devours every creature in sight. After easy pickings are gone, the demon squirms inland to continue its feast.
A day later, Hatepuna escapes (see Hatepuna's Victory below).
Hatepuna's Agenda
- Start
- Indiscriminate (snail-caused) disappearances increase.
- Snail ambushes a lone or straggling PC. It moves surprisingly quickly and is practically invulnerable when it pulls into its shell, retreating to water if wounded.
- Surviving townsfolk flee
- Surviving gangs blame each other for disappearances and fight. Surviving gang (random or GM choice) is maimed.
- Remaining gang leader vanishes. Survivors flee.
- Duququm disappears. Surviving elves flee.
- Victory: see Elves Eliminated above.
Townfolk's Agenda
The people push the PCs to counter the other's agendas until the tribe and desperados all go away.
Fearson
By far the deadliest individual in town, Fearson seeks only to drown his guilt. Attempts to influence him require a careful, slow approach, convincing him gradually over several days that he can find redemption. Proposals include love (or lust), rescuing the beleaguered townsfolk and/or saving the world (heroic fame), leading the desperados (infamy instead), or other PC cleverness.
If the PCs sway him first, he'll help them blast through any supernatural and/or hostile obstacles.
Without intervention from outside, he simply drinks until his “just fate” befalls him.
The Holy Dome
If the PCs help Duququm achieve two steps of his agenda, he'll allow them access to the glowing temple basement. Alternately, they might fight or sneak in.
Half the glowing glass dome arcs into the space. An arched doorway leads into the dome wherein the spike's placement becomes obvious. Planting it is non-trivial in the face of fanatical elves, Luagal's other hungry maw, random lightning arcs, then the process of driving the lightning rod down through the shell - all in dense fog.
Should they succeed, Hatepuna's energy blasts through the spike into the ground and dissipates. The dome begins to collapse; cue dramatic final escape scene.
If Luagal is not also defeated, see Luagal Victory above.
Rewards
- A return to the Old World as feted heroes.
- Fearson's valuable friendship if guided to redemption.
Rune
Once A Fool
Underwater Waterfall
Wandslinger's Disgrace
Doctor's Orders
Wicked Valley
Herald of Storms
Amphibious Lurker
Glowing Basement
Beef
Valley of Redemption
A fantasy + western adventure for use with Pelgrane Press’s Owl Hoot Trail, but easily adaptable to any other system suitable for the genre.
Arrival
In the Valley of Depravity, hellhounds rove in packs, loosed into the world by the Adversary to prey upon sojourners. Or they are wardens, maybe, set to keep the townsfolk of Decadence within.
These otherworldly beasts may hound the PCs as they drift townward, no doubt road-weary and in need of resupply. They more often watch from afar. Attempts to leave the valley meet more resistance.
The town is rough. Raucous laughter rolls along the street. The unmistakable scent of steak beckons the hungry, its welcome somewhat out of place.
Townsfolk and Talk:
Caverns of Depravity
Seeking entrance to the labyrinthine caverns should be simple enough; many adventurers have come before and left traces of their passing. A gentle river winds through the valley and several caves look down upon its banks. These ultimately lead to the same system of caverns. If the PCs map or mark their progress, things will be easier — especially when they are trying to leave with an unconscious minotaur in tow.
Every 10 minutes spent exploring, roll 1d8:
Beneath the Storms
From the moment the PCs read (or hear) the prophecy heralded in Jebediah’s Good Book, the rains begin. They are, at first, a trickle to warn the unrepentant. Within hours, the downpour is unrelenting, the winds harsh. Lightning dances supernaturally through the valley.
If the PCs do not undertake Jebediah’s quest, things in Decadence will still seem temporarily improved. The hellhounds that roam the valley drown, their fires quenched. The surviving minotaurs migrate to some other labyrinthine home. But the demon remains and, eventually, his influence will once again ensnare mortalkind.
Elsewise, if the PCs embrace their roles in the Good Book’s prophecy, they must go down to the river. Beneath it, more like. By the time they reach the caves, the river is swollen and swift. The entrances now are just above the water-line. All, but one. This single submerged cave mouth drinks the river as if possessed of a great thirst. Within, a vast cavern falls away bellow, rapidly filling up with water. Their foe awaits:
One who is Many, servant of the Adversary, wearer of mortals. It’s present raiment: a frog-behemoth. Within the vast cavern, beneath the river and hidden by a watery veil, the demon awaits these newest mortals.
Return to Decadence
Wandslinger's Disgrace
Doctor's Orders
Wicked Valley
Herald of Storms
Amphibious Lurker
Glowing Basement
Beef
Valley of Redemption
A fantasy + western adventure for use with Pelgrane Press’s Owl Hoot Trail, but easily adaptable to any other system suitable for the genre.
Arrival
In the Valley of Depravity, hellhounds rove in packs, loosed into the world by the Adversary to prey upon sojourners. Or they are wardens, maybe, set to keep the townsfolk of Decadence within.
These otherworldly beasts may hound the PCs as they drift townward, no doubt road-weary and in need of resupply. They more often watch from afar. Attempts to leave the valley meet more resistance.
The town is rough. Raucous laughter rolls along the street. The unmistakable scent of steak beckons the hungry, its welcome somewhat out of place.
Townsfolk and Talk:
- Ruby Page, waits tables at the restaurant. Her greeting is clearly rote: “Welcome to Decadence, darlin’s. Home of the best damned steak you’ll ever taste. Seared over the fires of Hell itself and good enough to sell your soul for. But we’ll let ya have it for five dollars,” she winks. Once completed, she adds, “Preacher won’t touch the stuff, but everyone else knows better. And anyhow, he’s got his own demons to worry over.”
What she knows: The restaurant’s owner and cook, Smokey Dreisbach, has some sort of deal with Doc Barton, who’s a big-shot, financially speaking.
What she don’t: Doc Barton supplies the steak pre-seared to Smokey, who further cooks it in-house. Smokey doesn’t know why it must be this way, but folks love it and he makes good money, so he’s inclined not to wonder.
- Ugly Bonnie Thomson, bartends at the Ugly Mug Saloon — den of pleasure, poker, and ofttimes violence. Ugly Bonnie hears lots of talk and she’s always happy to pass it along.
What she knows: All manner of marital infidelities, petty acts of rivalry, and social flaws involving folk the PCs will never know. Also, some few things of greater import than she can fathom. For one, she knows the old preacher was once a man of violence (and magiks, too!). And he visits the doc on the regular — shaky going in, calmer coming out. She knows that Doc Barton’s basement’s got strange lights coming out of it in the midnights, too. Strange beastial noises. And the smell of cooking meat, of course, but that’s all throughout the town. She also knows that many a drifter’s come through and disappeared in the valley, their horses ambling back alone in time. And some do come back, draggin’ large burlap sacks behind. Straight on over to Doc’s.
What she don’t: What any of it means. As far as she’s interested, the appearance of things amiss matters more than the why of it. She can make that up on her own, after all.
- Jebediah Knight, preacher. He proactively seeks the PCs to request their aid.
What he reveals: Once a wandslinger (akin to gunslingers, but better equipped to face supernatural threats), Jebediah killed a man who’s only guilt was to be demon-possessed. Worse, the demon resides still in this very valley. Jebediah’s better days are long gone and he cannot confront the demon again (besideswhich, he hung those wands up long ago to take up the cloth). With guidance from the Good Book and a healthy dose of holy water, Jebediah reckons the demon can be expelled from this world. He aims to convince the PCs to take up this task and so earn himself redemption.
What the Good Book says: There are a few bookmarked passages that Jebediah often preaches upon the deaf ears of Decadence. One speaks of repentance, lest the Storms of Righteousness bring floods upon the Wicked to wash away the Evil. Jebediah believes this to be literal truth. Another warns against willfully poisoning body and spirit, lest the Adversary and his minions gain entry to the soul. Finally, another passage speaks a prophecy: Lo, the river shall rise. Seek ye then the vastness underneath. Therein a waterfall by miracle is wrought. Ye shall find the One who is Many even as he lays in wait. Yet, feed ye your blessings into the water’s source, that he may never again hide in this world. As if in response to the reading, a gentle rain begins outside.
What Jebediah will give them: In exchange for exorcising the demon from the world, Jebediah is prepared to gift them with his pair of silver-plated, pearl-handled wands, sleek and deadly in trained hands. Quite valuable in any.
What he’s hiding: Jebediah’s infirmity is not all advanced age. Within his sparsely-furnished home, many an empty medicinal bottle and a note reveals: Take a swig of laudanum twice daily and as needed to control the pain or shakes. Quit skipping doses! Doctor’s orders! — Gabriel
- Doc Gabriel Barton, physician and all-around stand-up guy. He proactively seeks the PCs to offer them employment.
What he reveals: An expected medicine shipment never arrived and he needs able adventure-seeking drifters to find its whereabouts. This happens from time to time and Doc Barton is pretty sure he knows who’s to blame: a minotaur inhabiting labyrinthine tunnels beneath the valley. Fortunately, he happens to know the obscure language necessary to question it. If the PCs will but capture the creature alive (a hefty dose of laudanum is provided for this purpose), interrogation will reveal his shipment’s whereabouts. He can reacquire it on his own.
What he will give them: Since some risk will be involved, a generous payment of one hundred dollars seems reasonable.
What he’s hiding: There is no stolen medicine. And there’s a whole herd of minotaurs down in the labyrinth. Doc Barton needs more beef. From a sentient. Thus, he sends more drifters into the labyrinth to find one of the bovine-folk and bring it back to slaughter. Or die trying, of course. Fortunately, there are always more drifters.
What he’s up to: Doc Barton serves the Adversary. More directly, he serves the demon of the Valley of Depravity and carries out his will.
What the demon wills: The demon’s orders are twofold. First, he views Jebediah as a threat and has given Doc Barton specific instructions to keep his old opponent enfeebled through addiction. More broadly, the demon desires the preparation of likely hosts. For this, a ritual must be performed: the willing consumption of sentient creatures’ flesh kissed by the flames of Hell. Those who partake are susceptible to possession. Beasts are too, but that’s less fun.
Doc Barton knows this, which is why he never eats the steak. But he does the rest within his stone basement (wherein a caged hellhound provides Hell’s flames). Should the PCs discover this basement’s contents and kill the hellhound, this hinders the demon’s plans, but so long as Doc Barton lives, more hellhounds can be captured, and the demon remains, the delay is minor, at best.
Caverns of Depravity
Seeking entrance to the labyrinthine caverns should be simple enough; many adventurers have come before and left traces of their passing. A gentle river winds through the valley and several caves look down upon its banks. These ultimately lead to the same system of caverns. If the PCs map or mark their progress, things will be easier — especially when they are trying to leave with an unconscious minotaur in tow.
Every 10 minutes spent exploring, roll 1d8:
- 1. A sudden unseen draft snuffs candles or torches and mayhap even lanterns fail.
- 2. A scrabbling echo winds through the passageways, its source unseen.
- 3. A small stream of refreshing water meanders across the passage.
- 4. The way forward is too small for humans or orcs (or unconscious minotaurs) to fit. Hill folk or shee might squeeze through. Half’ins can proceed just fine.
- 5. A large cavern opens up. Thousands of bats take flight.
- 6. Territorial creatures attempt to drive the PCs off. Roll 1d6. 1-3: Giant bats! 4-5: Goliath rats! 6: A startled owl bear! It’s Howl of Lament may call other critters.
- 7. A goblin raiding party happens by. Hijinks ensue.
- 8. A minotaur, at last! It would rather not be captured.
Beneath the Storms
From the moment the PCs read (or hear) the prophecy heralded in Jebediah’s Good Book, the rains begin. They are, at first, a trickle to warn the unrepentant. Within hours, the downpour is unrelenting, the winds harsh. Lightning dances supernaturally through the valley.
If the PCs do not undertake Jebediah’s quest, things in Decadence will still seem temporarily improved. The hellhounds that roam the valley drown, their fires quenched. The surviving minotaurs migrate to some other labyrinthine home. But the demon remains and, eventually, his influence will once again ensnare mortalkind.
Elsewise, if the PCs embrace their roles in the Good Book’s prophecy, they must go down to the river. Beneath it, more like. By the time they reach the caves, the river is swollen and swift. The entrances now are just above the water-line. All, but one. This single submerged cave mouth drinks the river as if possessed of a great thirst. Within, a vast cavern falls away bellow, rapidly filling up with water. Their foe awaits:
One who is Many, servant of the Adversary, wearer of mortals. It’s present raiment: a frog-behemoth. Within the vast cavern, beneath the river and hidden by a watery veil, the demon awaits these newest mortals.
- The demon, supernaturally aware of his peril, stole this amphibian form as soon as the rains began. If he must fight the PCs and finds them too tricky to simply devour, he endeavors to lure or drag them underwater where the struggle will be to his advantage.
- If at least one of the PCs has consumed his minion’s hellish steak, the demon attempts possession. The target must succeed at a difficult Toughness + WITS test to resist. Should the demon gain a new host in this way, the newly-freed frog may continue to fight on its own. The demon rides its host back to Decadence where new hosts are available in which to bide his time. The demon can possess a new body even if his current one is dead.
- The demon can be forced to return to Hell by dousing it’s host with holy water. Merely splashing the frog-behemoth with the comparatively the small amount given them by Jebediah will not suffice, but if it is poured directly into the waterfall, the demon will be exorcised as soon as the frog hops through again. Alternatively, if one of the PCs is a preacher, they could bless the waterfall directly. The PCs could possibly achieve either without even descending into the cavern.
Return to Decadence
- If the PCs are successful in exorcizing One who is Many, they will find Jebediah thankful and relieved. Most others will never know the peril they were in.
- If Doc Barton is exposed as a servant of the Adversary, an angry mob forms to kill him, but someone with enough Wile + GRIT may intimidate them into being content with exile. Either way, the town no longer has a doctor. In time, with the lessening of the doctor’s wicked influence, Jebediah’s pews will start to fill.
- Jebediah desires to be freed from his addiction to laudanum. He will need support, if he is to succeed. If Doc Barton is gone, the supply will dry up and make this considerably less difficult.
- If the demon was left lingering in this world disembodied, Jebediah will attempt to finish the job when the waters recede. He is weak and shakes badly, but it must be done. If another critter happened by, however, he may be too late...
- If one of the PCs is hosting the demon when they return to town, he attempts to find another (safer) host at the first opportunity. If he cannot before they meet with Jebediah, the preacher is uneasy in their presence and will splash the group with holy water, unless somehow dissuaded from the act — which the demon will certainly attempt. Through violence, if necessary.
Rune
Once A Fool
@Iron Sky, that’s pretty epic. I really like how essentially structuring your entry like a Dungeon World front allowed for a greater scope than I think 2000 words would have otherwise afforded. Looks fun!
Was it wise to choose an obscure game system as the chassis for my adventure? Perhaps not, but, then again, it did force me not to rely on mechanal references as much as possible. And what few I included are evocative enough that they should be easily figured out or replaced.
For those who don’t know it, Clinton R. Nixon and Kevin Kulp’s (AKA @Piratecat) Owl Hoot Trail is worth checking out. It’s a stripped-down quick-running d20-type fantasy-western rpg with some elements inspired by more modern (as of 2013) indie games. Plus, as always, Piratecat’s included adventure is great!
For those who don’t know it, Clinton R. Nixon and Kevin Kulp’s (AKA @Piratecat) Owl Hoot Trail is worth checking out. It’s a stripped-down quick-running d20-type fantasy-western rpg with some elements inspired by more modern (as of 2013) indie games. Plus, as always, Piratecat’s included adventure is great!
Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
Man, oh man... here we are at the final round. Rune's "Valley of Redemption" is going against Iron Sky's "The 9th Pace" for the 2019 title. I'll try not to be too verbose here because we have a lot to go through.
Timeliness and Word Count
Full credit to both for being on time and within the word limit. Both were posted with less than two hours left and with 5 minutes of one another. Also both were posted with around a dozen words left to spare before the entries would of hit the word limit, according to wordcounter.net. Nice job to both.
Rune 2, Iron Sky 2
Grammar and Readability
I had some problems with these entries from the get-go. Iron Sky introduces too many characters in the beginning and does not do a great job differing them, making the plot line harder to follow until the second half of the entry. I came away feeling that parts were chopped from the beginning to make the word count. Rune had a spelling error: "besideswhich" in the Jeremiah Knight entry. I was also distracted by his entry's over-use of commas in the "One who is Many" and "Return to Decadence" sections. Half credit to each.
Rune 3, Iron Sky 3
I came away feeling that maybe the large list of ingredients and the generous word count caused some issues. Both entries feel a bit bloated with lots of characters and competing goals. Both entries had small, packaged adventure hiding a much larger threat. Let's see if the ingredients help find us a winner.
Ingredient: Underwater Waterfall
This is used to good effect in Iron Sky's entry. A waterfall that keeps a horrible evil cooled off and dormant. Disrupting this effect will have serious repercussions in the adventure. The waterfall in Rune's entry happens to be an entrance to an amphibious demon, which can also be used as a way to weaken the demon with holy water. I'm giving Iron Sky the edge on this one.
Rune 3, Iron Sky 4
Ingredient: Wandslinger's Disgrace
Iron Sky's Fearson seems like a cool character, but I'm still confused about why he is disgraced? Because he broke the town's wandslinging code? And he had an audience of thousands? Was that a small city, because if so that would go against the frontier feel of the rest of the tale. Rune's Jebediah Knight is a mirror-image to Fearson. He is the wandslinger, but he is relegated to the sidelines while the party does all the work. Both characters could help the party if certain conditions are met. Neither's assistance is vital, but more helpful. It's a wash.
Rune 5, Iron Sky 6
Ingredient: Doctor's Orders
Rune's doctor is more vital to the story-line, but doesn't give too much in the way of orders, besides a prescription for the priest. Iron Sky's doctor is more bossy and gives orders constantly and she may 'curse' the party and demand they help her for a cure, but other than that she is not as vital to the story-line. And I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a 'geas' she casts, since geas usually can only be planted on willing participants. Part credit for each.
Rune 6, Iron Sky 7
Ingredient: Wicked Valley
This just happens to be where each story takes place. I think we could have changed the valley to a hilly location and not really have suffered much.
Rune 7, Iron Sky 8
Ingredient: Herald of Storms
Iron Sky's Hatepuna is a frightening demon who can unleash horrible weather upon the area if she is freed. Rune's Herald of Storms is part of a prophecy and an indication to the party that something has gone wrong. It serves as a hint of what to do next, and therefore I'm giving the edge to Rune here.
Rune 8, Iron Sky 8
Ingredient: Amphibious Lurker
An end boss for both adventures. A demon-possessed cone snail in Iron Sky's entry, while Rune has the frog-demon in his.
Rune 10, Iron Sky 10
Ingredient: Glowing Basement
The doctor in Rune's entry has a glowing basement some of the time... when the doctor is in and engaged in his morbid work. This tells the villagers that something odd is happening. Iron Sky's glowing basement is more the bottom level of a temple that glows due to the effects with Hatepuna. But this effect is only found if the party meets particular objectives. Edge to Rune.
Rune 12, Iron Sky 11
Ingredient: Beef
Tainted beef is critical to both adventures. For Iron Sky it's the tainted beef that is of concern to one gang, but then ends up poisoning a demon that is helping to seal a greater evil. For Rune, where the implications of where the beef comes from drives the adventure.
Rune 14, Iron Sky 13
Usability for DM.
Iron Sky's entry has a ton of usage for the game master and a lot of flexibility for how the adventure can unfold. My one serious concern is the large number of NPCs with competing agendas can be a bit to manage and is hard to follow.
Rune's entry is more straight-foward, and therefore feels smaller. It also had a huge plot hole with the captured minotaur quest. If the Doc has been doing this for awhile, then it should be obvious to the town's people that something wrong is happening. Wouldn't the laborers and drifters who help in this talk? Even if these are somewhat new happenings, wouldn't everyone in town know that meat shouldn't be arriving from the cellar of a town doctor?
Rune 15, Iron Sky 15
Final Decision
Timeliness and Word Count
Full credit to both for being on time and within the word limit. Both were posted with less than two hours left and with 5 minutes of one another. Also both were posted with around a dozen words left to spare before the entries would of hit the word limit, according to wordcounter.net. Nice job to both.
Rune 2, Iron Sky 2
Grammar and Readability
I had some problems with these entries from the get-go. Iron Sky introduces too many characters in the beginning and does not do a great job differing them, making the plot line harder to follow until the second half of the entry. I came away feeling that parts were chopped from the beginning to make the word count. Rune had a spelling error: "besideswhich" in the Jeremiah Knight entry. I was also distracted by his entry's over-use of commas in the "One who is Many" and "Return to Decadence" sections. Half credit to each.
Rune 3, Iron Sky 3
I came away feeling that maybe the large list of ingredients and the generous word count caused some issues. Both entries feel a bit bloated with lots of characters and competing goals. Both entries had small, packaged adventure hiding a much larger threat. Let's see if the ingredients help find us a winner.
Ingredient: Underwater Waterfall
This is used to good effect in Iron Sky's entry. A waterfall that keeps a horrible evil cooled off and dormant. Disrupting this effect will have serious repercussions in the adventure. The waterfall in Rune's entry happens to be an entrance to an amphibious demon, which can also be used as a way to weaken the demon with holy water. I'm giving Iron Sky the edge on this one.
Rune 3, Iron Sky 4
Ingredient: Wandslinger's Disgrace
Iron Sky's Fearson seems like a cool character, but I'm still confused about why he is disgraced? Because he broke the town's wandslinging code? And he had an audience of thousands? Was that a small city, because if so that would go against the frontier feel of the rest of the tale. Rune's Jebediah Knight is a mirror-image to Fearson. He is the wandslinger, but he is relegated to the sidelines while the party does all the work. Both characters could help the party if certain conditions are met. Neither's assistance is vital, but more helpful. It's a wash.
Rune 5, Iron Sky 6
Ingredient: Doctor's Orders
Rune's doctor is more vital to the story-line, but doesn't give too much in the way of orders, besides a prescription for the priest. Iron Sky's doctor is more bossy and gives orders constantly and she may 'curse' the party and demand they help her for a cure, but other than that she is not as vital to the story-line. And I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a 'geas' she casts, since geas usually can only be planted on willing participants. Part credit for each.
Rune 6, Iron Sky 7
Ingredient: Wicked Valley
This just happens to be where each story takes place. I think we could have changed the valley to a hilly location and not really have suffered much.
Rune 7, Iron Sky 8
Ingredient: Herald of Storms
Iron Sky's Hatepuna is a frightening demon who can unleash horrible weather upon the area if she is freed. Rune's Herald of Storms is part of a prophecy and an indication to the party that something has gone wrong. It serves as a hint of what to do next, and therefore I'm giving the edge to Rune here.
Rune 8, Iron Sky 8
Ingredient: Amphibious Lurker
An end boss for both adventures. A demon-possessed cone snail in Iron Sky's entry, while Rune has the frog-demon in his.
Rune 10, Iron Sky 10
Ingredient: Glowing Basement
The doctor in Rune's entry has a glowing basement some of the time... when the doctor is in and engaged in his morbid work. This tells the villagers that something odd is happening. Iron Sky's glowing basement is more the bottom level of a temple that glows due to the effects with Hatepuna. But this effect is only found if the party meets particular objectives. Edge to Rune.
Rune 12, Iron Sky 11
Ingredient: Beef
Tainted beef is critical to both adventures. For Iron Sky it's the tainted beef that is of concern to one gang, but then ends up poisoning a demon that is helping to seal a greater evil. For Rune, where the implications of where the beef comes from drives the adventure.
Rune 14, Iron Sky 13
Usability for DM.
Iron Sky's entry has a ton of usage for the game master and a lot of flexibility for how the adventure can unfold. My one serious concern is the large number of NPCs with competing agendas can be a bit to manage and is hard to follow.
Rune's entry is more straight-foward, and therefore feels smaller. It also had a huge plot hole with the captured minotaur quest. If the Doc has been doing this for awhile, then it should be obvious to the town's people that something wrong is happening. Wouldn't the laborers and drifters who help in this talk? Even if these are somewhat new happenings, wouldn't everyone in town know that meat shouldn't be arriving from the cellar of a town doctor?
Rune 15, Iron Sky 15
Final Decision
Uh oh, we're tied. Both entries are good, but I don't believe they are the best work from either of you. In this case I'm giving the edge to Iron Sky. I am having too much trouble with the plot hole mentioned above, and I do appreciate the multiple paths the adventure could take.
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