D&D 5E (2014) Best Vicious Mockery insults?

[Paul Farquhar]

"You fight like a cow!"

Really, bards should have the ability to counter Vicious Mockery as a reaction.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

I've never understood the appeal of the spell vicious mockery.

I mean, it seems like an autosave to me?

The bard casts it, and then the target responds, "I may have disadvantage next attack roll, but you will always be a bard."

Bards, too!?

Why do you hate so much that is good!?

but seriously, anyone mocking bards for being bards played too much 3/.5 or something, bc they are a very strong and fun class in this edition and the last.

5e bards need more Bardic spells tho

 

[bedir than]

A group of Troglodytes were fighting the PCs. Two of the Trogs fled and the caster said "If you didn't stink so much your friends would have stayed around." Max damage roll to already injured Trog. Trog is dead.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

My favorite VM use wasn’t even an insult.

My wife has a Star Pact (variant homebrew based on 4e Star Pact) Hexblade, who once whispered to an enemy, “hey, let me tell you a secret...” and proceeded to communicate some small portion of the dark mysteries which Caiphon had revealed to her.

RPing the enemy reaction to blowing his save and taking almost max damage was fun.

 

[Fauchard1520]

Here is a list from the reddit discussion

Heh. I quite liked, "[FONT=&quot]You aren't important enough for a specific insult!"[/FONT]

 

[Draegn]

Something from our table:

"You're rather pathetic. Perhaps you should crawl back inside your mother's womb and start life over."

 

[AichHilton]

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Hey, you have something on your chin... no no, the 3rd one down.

I've seen people like you before, but last time I had to pay admission!

I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?

The best part of you is still running down your moms leg.

You have delusions of adequacy.

Are your parents siblings?

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had had enough oxygen at birth?

You are so ugly if they laid you on the beach, not even the tide would take you.

I would tell you to go f*** yourself but I’m sure you’d be disappointed.

I certainly hope you are sterile.

You have such a striking face. Tell me, how many times were you struck?

By the Gods, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

Cannibals would pick you last.

If unenthusiastic hand job had a face, it would be yours.

I found your last job resume, you misspelled cult leader.

Did your mother do your hair for you?

Did you fall from the heavens? Cause your face is f***ed up!

 

[Len]

"You have a small hit die."

 

[CleverNickName]

"Careful! This armor costs more than your education." -elf bard, wearing only a tunic.

 

[aco175]

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smell't of elderberries!"

Sorry, couldn't resist.

We mostly go with the other one, "Go away, or I shall taunt you a 2nd tiiimmme."