D&D 5E Can You Milk A Conjured Cow?

[embee]

This question came up this week. My general ruling was "yes, by rules, the conjured cow can be milked. Milking isn't a hostile action, doesn't break concentration, and won't drop it to 0hp.

Now, the cow is, by rules, a fey creature in that it is a fey spirit that has taken the form of a beast (a cow). So that is another consideration. Also, it isn't food/drink that is being offered. It is being taken without invitation.

A) Do you think that a conjured cow could be milked?
B) If so, what would the effect of consuming fey food (in this case, milk) while in the Material Plane?

 

[embee]

In a game I ran long, long ago, the PCs found a magical bed of coals dedicated to an evil god. One of the PCs, as a test, decided to toast some iron rations over that fire. He was warned not to by party members, but he decided to then consume said rations, again, as a test.

Which led to an immortal saying, "Do not eat the evil beef jerky!"

Trusting magical foods is... a questionable endeavor. And there's certainly a precedent for "don't eat food given to you by the fae folk".

Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse...
Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: [worried] That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
[Homer stares, confused]
Owner: That's bad.

 

[Deset Gled]

Has your conjured cow ever had a calf? Has it been consistently milked every day to ensure that it is still producing milk? If not, you can’t milk a conjured cow. Cows don’t naturally produce an infinite supply of milk. Their milk is farmed once they have a calf.

My understanding is that conjuring an animal gets you a statistically average adult version of what you conjured. And I believe that, statistically speaking, most adult female cows in the world are producing milk. Beef for slaughter is typically from immature females (heifers) or castrated males (steers). Cattle used for work are adult males (bulls). If an adult female cow isn't pregnant or giving milk, it has little use on a farm, and would be slaughtered quickly. So, yes, it makes sense to me that a conjured cow would be one that is producing milk.

The part I don't have an answer for is: can you specify that the animal you conjure is female? You don't get to pick a lot of details about conjured animals. I'm not sure gender is something you can pick.

 

[not-so-newguy]

I knew this thread was going to be good

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

My understanding is that conjuring an animal gets you a statistically average adult version of what you conjured. And I believe that, statistically speaking, most adult female cows in the world are producing milk. Beef for slaughter is typically from immature females (heifers) or castrated males (steers). Cattle used for work are adult males (bulls). If an adult female cow isn't pregnant or giving milk, it has little use on a farm, and would be slaughtered quickly. So, yes, it makes sense to me that a conjured cow would be one that is producing milk.

The part I don't have an answer for is: can you specify that the animal you conjure is female? You don't get to pick a lot of details about conjured animals. I'm not sure gender is something you can pick.

While I hadn't considered that conjuring an animal could or would be influenced by common farming practices...

I just assumed that it conjures an animal as it would be in nature.

This is really up to the DM. More and more, I like the idea of a fairy cow giving you magical milk....that isn't really milk.

Side note:
There are probably stats for a 'bull'. They can be a bit more dangerous than a cow. I might give them warhorse stats, change the charge to a gore attack and reduce their speed. So they'd be a separate 'summoning' for the purposes of a spell, I think.

Edited stuff.

 

[Demetrios1453]

While I hadn't considered that conjuring an animal could or would be influenced by common farming practices...

I just assumed that it conjures an animal as it would be in nature.

This is really up to the DM. More and more, I like the idea of a fairy cow giving you magical milk....that isn't really milk.

Side note:
There are probably stats for a 'bull'. They can be a bit more dangerous than a cow. I might give them warhorse stats, change the charge to a gore attack and reduce their speed. So they'd be a separate 'summoning' for the purposes of a spell, I think.

Edited stuff.

Which it would very much not be recommended to try to milk LOL!

 

[Oofta]

I don't think real-world physics applies to a D&D world at this level of detail. At some point, magic steps in and says "That isn't how physics works here," and by the time you get down to tracking individual summoned molecules, you're well past that point IMO.

But if you did want to track summoned atoms and molecules... drinking milk from a summoned cow would be Very Bad. If you sustain the summoning long enough for any real digestion to take place, all those atoms get integrated into your body. When the summons ends, they get ripped out of whatever molecules they are now part of--destroying proteins, mutilating genes, who knows what. I'm no expert, but I'd guess the symptoms would resemble radiation sickness (since radiation sickness is caused by the radiation ionizing random atoms in your body and breaking their chemical bonds).

On top of that, most of the water from the milk would still be in your system. Going to the bathroom wouldn't eliminate the specific water molecules that came from the milk--just a random sampling of water molecules from your body, enough to restore homeostasis. So you would experience sudden, sharp dehydration as all that water went poof.

Whether you got to keep the energy would be the least of your worries.

So what you're saying is that if I want an untraceable poison i just need to summon a fey cow?

 

[UngainlyTitan]

My initial reaction was the milk would go with the cow when it disappeared but then I though something more along these lines

Not so sure a conjured fey cow would even produce milk in the usual sense. I mean squeeze the teats and out squirts... Strawberry quik? Dancing flowers? A herd of tiny fey cows? Or maybe just music! The cow could be like a walking set of bagpipes.

So a random table of effects but then I read this

Here's the thing...

The cow isn't necessarily a fey cow. At least not BEFORE it is conjured. It's a fey spirit.

It could be an actual creature of the feywild drawn into the prime material plane OR it could be the spirit of a very old tree given a body of temporary flesh, or it could be just vague 'spirits of the forest.' It gets the beast form through the Conjure Animals spell.

Here, it is a cow. Now using it for meat would necessarily require reducing it to 0 hp. So doing that immediately dispels it. No meat. But milking it causes no injury. So you have an hour to milk and consume said milk.

But I think that limiting the milk to the nourishment effects is, well, too limiting. Remember, it's a fey spirit and it has been pulled onto the Material Plane, possibly against its will, and it is Friendly towards the PC, but even that may be against its will. So...

Why not use this as a hook?

What if the milk winds up pulling anyone who drinks it into the Feywild? Or makes the drinker somehow beholden to the fey spirit - like complete this task or be cursed?

The more I think of this, the more fun I think it could be.

I really like milking the cow creates a fey contract with the conjured fey spirit.

Then I though about cows I have milked. While a cow can be trained to be milked in a open field (bribery with grain helps), in my experience when you start milking, the cow will poop. Cows do not trust strangers and will often poop out of nervousness. Stand in the poop and put her leg into the bucket of milk.

 

[embee]

But if you did want to track summoned atoms and molecules...

I don't even want to track encumbrance!

 

[Deset Gled]

While I hadn't considered that conjuring an animal could or would be influenced by common farming practices...

I just assumed that it conjures an animal as it would be in nature.

For most species this would be the case. For better or worse, there haven't been cows in nature for a few hundred years. And even if the wild ones were around, it's questionable if they would be considered the same species. I guess another question for the DM is "how specific can you be with the breed?"

 

[embee]

While a cow can be trained to be milked in a open field (bribery with grain helps), in my experience when you start milking, the cow will poop. Cows do not trust strangers and will often poop out of nervousness.

Again, it has no choice. They obey any verbal command given by the caster.

"Come here, Ms. Cow, and let me milk you. And no pooping!"