does a nice, shy, meek guy have a chance in hell?

[Rel]

?

You're a bad man, Joshua Dyal. But you knew that already.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Actually my suggestion would be to find some kind of volunteer work that isn't too hard on the back. I think that helping other people is a lot more of a confidence builder and (by definition) social activity than doing anything for yourself.

Quoted for truth.

One of the best things you can do when you're feeling low is to do something nice for someone else (and NOT with any kind of ulterior motive like "maybe that person will like me if I do this!"). Why? 1) It takes you outside yourself and forces you to focus on something other than how miserable you may feel, and 2) it helps you build your confidence because you can see results and recognize progress (like with an exercise program, fund-raising drive, or mowing the lawn, for example). Can't do any heavy lifting with your back, but could you volunteer to read to those in the hospital, or do a program like Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic (http://www.rfbd.org), or walk a neighbor's dog, or answer the telephone at a help center?

Warrior Poet

 

[BSF]

Heck, help children learn to read. You interact with kids, you interact with teachers, you interact with parents.

 

[Desdichado]

You're a bad man, Joshua Dyal. But you knew that already.

Quoted for truth.

 

[Dark Jezter]

And my problem is that my personality is fundamentally repulsive to women.

Aaron, have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you've convinced yourself that you have nothing to offer women and that you're always going to be alone, then any attempts you make to get a girl are doomed to fail before they ever begin. To change your situation, you need to start by changing your attitude that failure is inevitable.

I know it's been stated repeatedly in this thread already, but I'll mention it again anyways: chicks dig confidence. A good point was made earlier in this thread by the guy who stated that if you don't have confidence, then you should fake confidence and eventually you won't have to fake it anymore. Stop thinking "I'm a loser. It's no wonder that girls don't like me" and change your mindset to "I'm a great guy. If a girl dosen't want anything to do with me, then it's her loss."

 

[fusangite]

Aaron, have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you've convinced yourself that you have nothing to offer women and that you're always going to be alone, then any attempts you make to get a girl are doomed to fail before they ever begin. To change your situation, you need to start by changing your attitude that failure is inevitable.

As I mentioned previously, while some people can choose to ignore all the empirical evidence and believe certain things simply because they want to believe them, I don't think Aaron is one of them. Just because he knows his beliefs about how things will go are a negative influence doesn't mean he can choose not to hold them. What amazes me is that even when I write posts predicting the "self confidence" discourse that will appear on these threads, people still engage in it anyway.

Aaron, himself, states that he knows that his lack of self-confidence is his single biggest problem in dealing with women; he wants to gain it. When somebody says, "I really need to learn how to build my self confidence, because without it I know I'm doomed to fail," you're not telling them anything when you respond, "You really need to build your self confidence, because without it you're doomed to fail," especially when you present this as though it's news to the person.

A good point was made earlier in this thread by the guy who stated that if you don't have confidence, then you should fake confidence and eventually you won't have to fake it anymore.

Yes. It sure would be great if people who suggested that had practical suggestions for doing so, wouldn't it?

Stop thinking "I'm a loser. It's no wonder that girls don't like me" and change your mindset to "I'm a great guy. If a girl dosen't want anything to do with me, then it's her loss."

Any hints for actually doing that?

I find discussions like this weirdly annoying. If somebody said, "I need to get $10,000 or I won't be able to make a down payment on a house that's just come up for sale," and people responded, "You know what you need to do? Get $10,000. That's what you need to do. If you don't get $10,000, you won't be able to make that down payment," people would laugh at them.

 

[BOZ]

there's always one option. you could find a girl that is as lonely and miserable as you are. she might just be happy to find a kindred spirit to drown her sorrows in, and won't much care (at first at least) about what you look like, how much money you make, or possibly even what your personality is like.

will this make you happy? unlikely, but you never know. it's always possible that curing each others' intolerable lonliness will also cure your intolerable unhappiness. of course, most likely you'll wind up being emotional leeches on each other.

wait, that sounds kind of bleak. buck up good fellow, you'll find a girl eventually if you keep the right attitude in mind.

 

[freebfrost]

29 years of experience.

Well, that's less than helpful.

Kind of like saying "my computer is broken" to a help desk technician, and that's the extent of the information you are willing to share, but you expect them to help you.

:\

 

[freebfrost]

It sure would be great if people who suggested that had practical suggestions for doing so, wouldn't it?Any hints for actually doing that?

So, I'm curious fusangite - which side do you fall on? Are you self-confident or not?

 

[fusangite]

So, I'm curious fusangite - which side do you fall on? Are you self-confident or not?

As with all people, my self-confidence is situational. Everybody is self-confident in some situations and insecure in others. As I've already expressed on this thread, I am insecure in dating-type situations. In other types of situations, I'm very self-confident. But I don't want to hog the attention here, which is what seems to happen when I alert people to how unhelpful they sound when the self-confidence thing comes up.