Does asking for something get you a No response?

[Janx]

Here's a new ponderance for the great philosophers of EN World.

Let's say there's something you want. Assuming it's at least sort of reasonable (in your mind), do you think you will get a Yes or No response?

Conversely, if somebody asks you for something (ex. Can my PC have a +1 sword?), are you inclined to say No because they asked, reverssing your idea you had just been thinking about putting in a +1 sword in the next treasure pile the party finds.

In my own upbringing and experience in martial arts dojos, asking gets you a No more often than not.

Possible reasons for giving a No response is:

Dominance. The asker is seeking to influence the authority figure. By saying no, you exert your authority over the asker.

Gifting. The authority figure wants to do something as his idea/gift. The asker is rushing the time table and effectively taking away the gift by making it a request.

Not Invented Here. The GM is trying to surprise the players with something they did not expect. If the player asks before it comes into play, that clearly means it wasn't novel enough to be something they didn't think of.

Now conversely, there are some circumstances where if you don't ask, you won't get whatr you want because the authority doesn't know you want it. An old manager of mine got his job because he asked for it when the old manager moved on.

Has anybody else noticed this behavior? Does it influence whether you will ask for things? Does it affect what you will grant others?

 

[Bagpuss]

Generally I aim to say Yes more often than not as a GM.

Your role as a GM is to facilitate players enjoyment of the game, saying no to something they want rarely helps that enjoyment.

 

[Janx]

Generally I aim to say Yes more often than not as a GM.

Your role as a GM is to facilitate players enjoyment of the game, saying no to something they want rarely helps that enjoyment.

I would consider that response part of the "Just say Yes" movement in GMing. Nothing wrong with that. But say outside of GMing? this thread has applicability to GMing, but there's also a non-gaming social angle I'm examining here.

How do you feel your chances are of geting a Yes from somebody else?
How often do you say Yes? to a subordinate? A child?

And how about the No's. In some ways, saying no takes less effort, and as such we may do it out of reflex and thus it doesn't even register in our memory as being significant.

Where recieving a No might be very significant to the asker, giving a No is the easiest response.

 

[loki44]

I'm kind of old school about this if we're purely talking gaming. If I don't ask, I'm likely to never know. The response is whatever it is. I don't expect a DM to create a +1 sword, using your example, simply because I would enjoy having one. I only expect a +1 sword to appear if the DM already planned for it. That, or a totally random roll of some sort.

In non-gaming situations, well, getting a negative response and dealing with it is just a part of life.

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[Umbran]

This seems more to be sociology and psychology than philosophy. From that perspective...

It really depends on the Who, What, Where, When, and Why you're asking. I don't see a strong general trend to one or the other. It's all in the specifics.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Yeah- my usual response would be "Why do you want that?" Then, after that (and any subsequent questions) has been answered, I'd give a ruling.

 

[Bagpuss]

I would consider that response part of the "Just say Yes" movement in GMing. Nothing wrong with that. But say outside of GMing? this thread has applicability to GMing, but there's also a non-gaming social angle I'm examining here.

Ah with this being a gaming forum and your original examples being about gaming. I thought perhaps foolishly you were talking in a gaming context.

How do you feel your chances are of geting a Yes from somebody else?

Depends on how reasonable the request is, I would expect to get a yes most of the time. Since I tend not to make impossible requests from people.

How often do you say Yes? to a subordinate? A child?

More often than not, again it depends on how the request is phrased and if I am able to fulfil it. With a child is different as if you say yes to them all the time they would most likely live on a diet of sweets.

And how about the No's. In some ways, saying no takes less effort, and as such we may do it out of reflex and thus it doesn't even register in our memory as being significant.

Can't think of many occasions I've said a straight out no, in fact I would say, saying no isn't as easy as you make out. Most people want to be liked and so will do things to please others even if it puts them out a little. I would say most people, rather than say no, are more likely to make up an excuse for not being able to do something, or attend an event than just straight out say no.

Say you get an invite to a wedding and reception of a not particularly close friend. The wedding is some distance away so it would either mean a long late night drive home (and no drinking at the reception) or paying for a hotel. Then there is the cost of the gift, etc. You don't really want to go, nobody else you know is going, but you don't want to be seen to be rude. Most people would tend not just say no. They either say yes and go or they make up some excuse that they can't attend on that day.

Where recieving a No might be very significant to the asker, giving a No is the easiest response.

Can I suggest you read Yes Man by Danny Wallance. Not just watch the film with Jim Carrey

 

[Cor Azer]

I notice no obvious trend either way; it's all in the context of the request.

 

[loki44]

So, janx, what are the specific circumstances of your rejection?

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[Janx]

So, janx, what are the specific circumstances of your rejection?

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ah, you misread me. Because I'm wired that asking for something is rude, I have not asked, lest Sauron's gaze be cast unfavorably in my direction.

Meanwhile, Kaodi has stepped up, and we shall see what happens next.