Does asking for something get you a No response?

[Bagpuss]

Meanwhile, Kaodi has stepped up, and we shall see what happens next.

Who's Kaodi? Did you have to wait for her to ask you on a date?

 

[Janx]

Who's Kaodi? Did you have to wait for her to ask you on a date?

no. Merely some other business on EN World that is going on.

 

[Nellisir]

I feel like there's a subtext to this conversation that I'm missing. That's a little annoying, like the post is a way of gathering evidence to support an already-determined position.

To answer the question as I understand it...all other factors aside, I try to say yes. However.
In gaming circumstances, I am much more likely to say "we'll see" or "I'll think about it". I don't like to give yes or no answers.

In social situations, it depends on context. If you're going to ask me a yes or no question, you have to be prepared for either answer. Getting upset about not getting your way is a sure way to make sure you don't get your way. You should be prepared to explain your request. I will entertain a request, not a demand. Don't abuse it. You're more likely to get a positive result if you've done something positive for me, or I think that you will.

All that said, I find I'm much more likely to get what I want if I ask with words instead of telepathy. Making a request creates clarity about what you want. I don't usually think it's rude, unless it's knowledge that's none of your business.

And going back to gaming, asking if you will get a +1 sword is none of your business. You can say that you'd like a magic sword, but asking the DM outright is..well, you might as well ask her about the next monsters you'll face.

 

[Nellisir]

ah, you misread me. Because I'm wired that asking for something is rude, I have not asked, lest Sauron's gaze be cast unfavorably in my direction.

Maybe you don't have to ask a question. Children don't write to Santa saying "can I have a doll". They say "I would like a doll." This makes their preferences clear but does not place a pressure of response on anyone else.

 

[jonesy]

I wrote a long answer before I realised I'd misread your question. Reasonable in my mind? Almost always yes. Why would I say no to something reasonable?

 

[Umbran]

no. Merely some other business on EN World that is going on.

I feel like there's a subtext to this conversation that I'm missing. That's a little annoying, like the post is a way of gathering evidence to support an already-determined position.

Well, his statement above makes it pretty clear there was some subtext.

If he's talking what I think he's talking about, though, it seems an odd subtext for this thread. If he'd asked, and what he wanted didn't happen, it would have either been because it just wasn't important enough (not so much an answer of "No" as "Sure, when we get around to it..."), or because the Powers That Be had a legitimate different opinion about the situation and what served needs best. No weird power-games going on, no general tendency to deny requests, or anything like that.

 

[Janx]

Well, his statement above makes it pretty clear there was some subtext.

If he's talking what I think he's talking about, though, it seems an odd subtext for this thread. If he'd asked, and what he wanted didn't happen, it would have either been because it just wasn't important enough (not so much an answer of "No" as "Sure, when we get around to it..."), or because the Powers That Be had a legitimate different opinion about the situation and what served needs best. No weird power-games going on, no general tendency to deny requests, or anything like that.

More like this thread is based on an idea that I've pondered for a while, and a recent situation reminded me of starting a thread on the general topic.

The actual situation isn't the same as what the general thread is about, it merely has related aspects.

In being clever, I left a clue as to what the current situation was about. However, there's no nefarious plot going on.

Instead, I'm merely guaging if my expectation of human behavior is the same as everybody else's. As it stands, my expectation is more pessimistic than others posting in this thread it seems.

 

[MarkB]

My experience is that if a request is reasonable, it's likely to receive a positive response more often than not.

But I'm also aware that "reasonable" is a subjective evaluation, and that personality can play a big part. In a couple of decades of gaming, I've seen players who could persuade a GM to allow even quite ridiculous things with a couple of phrases, and others who couldn't make even the simplest request sound reasonable.

The thing I always keep in mind is that, by making a request, you are giving the other party the option to say "no". That's the difference between a request and a demand.

 

[Janx]

I wrote a long answer before I realised I'd misread your question. Reasonable in my mind? Almost always yes. Why would I say no to something reasonable?

Whereas I can think of lots of reasons to say no. None of these are great reasons.

a. It's not your place to be asking for stuff

b. I haven't considered the ramifications of saying yes, where as it turns out, you've got a hidden agenda in which my saying Yes is a vital component to screwing me over.

c. it's like being pestered by beggars

d. I'm in control and it's my right to dole out the gruel as I see fit

e. You've established yourself as weak, as you haven't found a way to get the thing you want yourself.

f. taking no immediate action is almost always safer than choosing a new course. However, it also lacks any pay-off if saying Yes were to suceed.

g. Asking a question implies you don't know the answer, which makes you look foolish and ignorant.

Bear in mind, over the last year or so, I've asked a lot of silly questions in this forum, so we know where the last puts me...

I've given this list, to enable the Yes's in the house to comprehend where a No'r is coming from. Just as I was curious what mindset the Yes's are coming from. These reasons I give do not all apply to my decision making, and should not be construed as "Janx is an who thinks this way" as me having a thought on how some folks may think is not the same as me thinking that way in any given situation.

 

[Janx]

I feel like there's a subtext to this conversation that I'm missing. That's a little annoying, like the post is a way of gathering evidence to support an already-determined position.

quite the opposite. If you look at my history of threads in this off-topic sub-forum, I ask a question, usually from a biased point of view, and look to see what the best explanation of the oppositie view is. Which in turn, changes my mind on the topic.

For instance, one thread had an excellent answer as to why I can't go killing all the Dark Elves in the world, in order to prevent problems from Dark Elves. I forget the exact answer, but it was good enough to get me the summary point of "Dark Elf Genocide is a bad idea" to inform my decision making. I liked that it wasn't some mamby pamby "if you kill them, you'll be as bad as the Dark Elves" reason, but founded on good tactics and probable outcomes.

In this case, my mind thinks asking for something increases the risk of getting a No as it irritates the power holder. So, I carefully weigh whether I will ask for something at any given time.

However, if the majority of real people do not actually respond that way, then I am potentially being overly cautious and missing more opportunities than other folks who feel more free to ask for stuff and they actually get it.