The room bursts into action as the heroes get ready to make some mook glue. CHEN YAU flips up into the air over the CAPTAIN’S body. With one hand, he grabs the tape out of the CAPTAIN’S grip. With the other hand, he pulls his traffic cop gun (traffic cops in Hong Kong don’t play around) from its holster and opens fire. He blasts three shots into the mook and lands in a crouch.
CHEF TSO runs to the back of the room and opens up a panel in the wall, revealing a fireproof safe.
CHEF TSO
Yau! The tape!
YAU flips the tape back over his shoulder to TSO, who opens the safe, catches the tape, drops it in, and closes the safe again with a spinning flourish.
CHAI TONG smiles his old master smile and picks up a very expensive dinner plate from the table. With one flick of his wrist, he is about to send it careening into a mook’s face. His foot slips on a bit of brain on the floor, and he falls backward looking very much the clumsy schoolboy. The plate flies up into the air, turning over and over. CHAI blinks at it just before it smashes all over his face. He’s hurt- but worse, he looks bad.
BAZOOKA is the only one of them who doesn’t seem itching for a fight. In fact, he’s terrified. He runs and jumps into one of those small refrigerators to hide from the gunfire and violence. He utters his battle cry:
BAZOOKA
(hands clutched girlishly to face) AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
He doesn’t realize, however, that the refrigerator is on wheels. With the force of his jump, it caroms off the wall and straight out into the crowd of mooks. The fridge is spinning and knocking busboys out with the spinning, open door. BAZOOKA is inside screaming his head off. The fridge finally stops spinning, and a mook steps up with a gun and leans down, aiming into the fridge.
BAZOOKA
(hands clutched girlishly to face) AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
He quickly shuts the door, and the gun goes off. POK-SPLUT… The bullet has ricocheted off the door straight into the mook’s forehead. In the safety of the fridge, BAZOOKA utters his battle cry once more.
BAZOOKA
(hands clutched girlishly to face) AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
CUDDLY JACK runs out into the room, smashing mooks aside. He puts WILLY under a table, picks up another table, and hurls it at the salad bar. The table flies through the air like the world’s biggest wooden Frisbee… with legs. It smashes through the sneeze guard and sends glass ripping through the air. The shrapnel cuts into several mooks, making them scream with pain. A single salad bar patron standing there gasps, then shrugs and puts the last piece of lettuce on his plate. He smiles, then suddenly… sneezes all over the food. He wears an expression of infinite sadness. He puts the plate down and walks, head down and brokenhearted, from CHEF TSO’S. Good thing, too, because a mook runs through that area with a staff. He smashes it against CUDDLY JACK, and the staff shatters into a thousand pieces on JACK’S forearm. JACK crushes the man against his chest with a bear hug, snapping the man’s spine.
GRANDMA has run straight towards the phoenix statue, snatching up a large steel cookie sheet and a pair of oven mitts on the way. She vaults up the phoenix and puts on the mitts, then brings the cookie sheet down onto the phoenix’s flame spout. She diverts it down, onto the mooks running towards her with guns. They roast up nice and crispy, screaming all the way.
CHAI TONG has regained his footing, and runs out into the room. He grabs the end of a fire hose and turns it on, then runs towards a particularly tough looking super-mook. He outruns the water and clenches it off with a strong fist while smashing the brass nozzle into the mook’s mouth. Teeth fly.
CHAI TONG
You look thirsty.
He releases his grip on the hose, and the water blasts forward into the man’s mouth and down his throat, esophagus and windpipe with horrible violence.
LING LING leaps out and clutches a huge decorative fan off the wall. It’s maybe five feet long, and fully expanded, is five feet wide. She has it closed. She’s bashing mooks and fighting with it as if it were something she’d used all her life. Another tough mook picks up a huge set of metal tongs (used for replacing gaskets on the phoenix) and attacks her. She blocks the first attack by expanding the fan and pinning the tongs open. She then tries to hit him, and he dodges, counterattacking with the tongs. She ducks. He spins and closes the tongs, then stabs them at her head. She blocks the tongs… with her teeth, by biting down on them, exposing a fierce grimace of rage. The mook turns pale.
