TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published

[Fifth Element]

Here's a bit from the orcs:

If the party manages to overpower its orc guards by using the fire axe and large branches as clubs, they can return to the cavern and pillage it.

I can see it now. The players use the fire axe and some guile to defeat the guards. They tell the DM they want to go back and pillage the cavern. The DM replies "Ummm...sorry, it says here that in order to that you had to use large branches as clubs."

 

[Silver Moon]

Roll 1d6:

1) He is not joking.
2) He is neither joking loudly nor singing.
3) His face is expressionless but he is still joking.
4) He is dressed as a cleric but he's still joking.
5-6) He is neither tarrying nor running but is still joking.

No, that's wrong, haven't you learned anything from this thread? You made the six options mutually exclusive! For at least one of the numbers you need to provide at least two conflicting options!

 

[amysrevenge]

I love this. So great.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

For at least one of the numbers you need to provide at least two conflicting options!

Or...

Roll 1d6:

1) He is not joking.
2) He is neither joking loudly nor singing.
3) His face is expressionless but he is still joking.
4) He is dressed as a cleric but he's still joking.
5-6) He is neither tarrying nor running but is still joking.
7-8) Roll again twice.

 

[Nymrohd]

Anyone knows what else Carl Smith has written? I found a crate of old modules including N2, and looking for more laughs.

Oh and I really love how this adventure takes place in the Greate Olde Woode (yes it is spelled that way).

 

[Simplicity]

Oh and I really love how this adventure takes place in the Greate Olde Woode (yes it is spelled that way).

Hahaha! I love it. This stuff is poetry.

Hark, for brigands approach. And upon them shall not be the signs of the peasantry. When the players ask them, "Art ye not acrobats?" The brigands shall say, "Nay. We are not." Tarrying, they shalt go without expression toward the Greate Olde Woode, where they will not leave or encounter the players again. Rolleth the initiative.

 

[Nymrohd]

Also the roads through the Greate Olde Woode are called the New Wilderness Road, and the Old Wilderness Road.

Ok just a tiny part from the Bandit Hideout Encounter:

Area E.

Two goats look up from this pen and bleat. The earth in the middle appears torn up, as if someone had been digging there.

Area E: This is the stock corral. There are two goats inside but no treasure. If anyone enters the corral without tying the goats to the sides, the billy goat butts them for 1d4 worth of damage.



So apparently there is no way for an adventurer to avoid being butted by a goat? No save or anything. Billy goats are nature's answer to magic missiles.

 

[Demmero]

No, that's wrong, haven't you learned anything from this thread? You made the six options mutually exclusive! For at least one of the numbers you need to provide at least two conflicting options!

I know, I know. In fact, I got an email from Carl Smith about that. It went something like this:

Dear Mr./Ms./Count Demmero,

I saw your attempt at game design on the message boards of EN World and offer you some free advice from a true pro.

If you were hoping to be joking loudly, you failed.

If I had to rate your effort on a scale of 3d20, you would score a 2.

I hate to break this to you, but I don't think you have what it takes to be a game designer.

P.S. Or a soldier. Or a cleric.

 

[Nymrohd]

There is a crazy Viking dwarf in the adventure whose sanity changes in each round (roll 1d6) . . .

 

[ExploderWizard]

Anyone knows what else Carl Smith has written? I found a crate of old modules including N2, and looking for more laughs.

Oh and I really love how this adventure takes place in the Greate Olde Woode (yes it is spelled that way).

I know he did AC 1 The Shady Dragon Inn for Basic D&D, I have that one. It has a terrific map of the Inn suitable for battlemap use ( but alas no secret doors or wererats) and stats for all the 80's action figure characters in the back. Other than that its just a rogues gallery of NPc's with a bit of flavor text for each one.