TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published

[TerraDave]

Now this was a good thread to bring back from the dead...deffinately one for the archives

 

[Seeten]

I just laughed right in someone's ear while reading this at work.

 

[Hypersmurf]

I'm hoping someone will rewrite Orc and Pie in this style for Celebrity DM.

-Hyp.

 

[Jdvn1]

Yes, someone miles away, in another module, suddenly loses their heavy mace.

I need to include a character who keeps losing his main weapon. "That stupid river!"

 

[Nyaricus]

Encounter 35: The Druid the Wise

When the characters enter area #37, read aloud the following text:

When the party enters the clearing, the party sees a orc with a closed book on it's lap. The orc is sitting on a log, flipping through a book. The book is brown and is neither making jokes or whistling dixie. The orc closes the green book, and sets it down on the armchair he was sitting on. The orc walks over to the characters, leaving his book on the log he was sitting on moments before.

"Hello honourable men, I am Grutt the Wise, A druudi of the higggh forest. I like reading books, they help informatate me of the outside world without going to it. Would you like to see my book?"

At this, Grutt opens the brown books he has with him, and shows them what appears to be a blank page. The page is neither running, nor walking, nor making loud noices to attract local wildlife. A bear dresseed in an orange sweater and cap, walking about as a man (see image C4) calmly walks into the clearing, clicks his heels, and retreats back where he came from. The bear is neither running or hustling. The bear smells of oils and delisciousss foodstuffs.

[sblock=Image C4]

[/sblock]

At this, Grutt yells out"LOok, A spotted boar, NO, BEAR!"' And rushes off,into the bushes, book in hand. After Grutt has left, the characters may choose to pick up Grutts book, which he left behind. The book contains no secret comparments, or secret doors. Upon picking up the books, the DM rolsl a four-sided dice.

* On a roll of 1, the PCs find the secret compartment, which holds a jewel-encrusted flamberge with the words "Flamestrike" written out in Olde Draconic. The PCs can read this even if not proficient in Goblin.
* On a roll of 2 or three, the PCs trigger Grutts sleep spell, which is triggered when anyone touches the book, Grutt included. The PCs have a 9/4 chance not to have a chance to pass the save to not fall asleep if they so wish to, at the discrection of the DM and with Grutts formidable Soprcererous powers to be considered.
* On a roll of 5, The book gives one of the characters a papercut which causes one-di-nine damage a round. To stop the bleeding, one must find Chloe, the Nymph, to get her to heal the Pcs.
* On a roll of 6, the were-rats are surpirzed.

When Grutt comes back, he is naked. Roll a d%, if 15 or lower, the wind icks up, and Grutts cape begins flapping in a rahter heroic, and fashionable ay. Grutt is neither smiling noe giving a cocksure, toothy grin as he strikes a dandy pose.

THe bear has stolen your picnic basket.

 

[Wraith Form]

Hahahahah! That second one kills me!

A group of men head by. They are not tarrying or running. Nor are they singing. They don't seem to be making apple pies. As far as you can tell, they're not talking about sports. They neither have sombreros nor stilts. These men are not acrobats. They have no expression as they don't dally to the west.

LOL

I think I just peed myself a little.... (wipes tears away)

* Later *

Changed the sig in honor of the event.

 

[Wraith Form]

I e-mailed Carl Smith about this module, as to whether he felt it came out exactly as he envisioned it or not.
Here is his reply:

"Thanks for the kind remarcs. I know it has bin hard to see the fight for the trees, but the kingdom will have no end. That said, we wer all happe at the response in trade magazines at the time of the module's release. "Astounding!", and "Bewilderingly"-something-or-other were common reacsons. You know, to be onest, in a feather bouncing sort of way, this was really the diving board that broke me into big busines with games like "Tarragon" and the short Adventure Quest module "Blankets for Baalzebub".
Anyway, its been a stong, fun ride, and I hope for the children that we all have many more. Cheers and fun role-gaming!
-Carl"

So, Borat's other name is Carl Smith?!?

 

[dougmander]

I just had a chuckle re-reading this stuff. It spawned another thread, archived here, in which several enworlders attempted to write a carlsmithian module from scratch. Some funny bits there, too.

 

[Xyanthon]

Ah, this is one of my all time favorites! I just had to get me a copy on ebay after I read this the first time.

 

[Thurbane]

I am so glad this thread was resurrected, else I might never have seen it.

Seriously, I laughed harder than I have in months, my sides actually hurt...

 

[Nareau]

This module reminds me of a poem I learned as a kid. I can't find the source, but it seems to be pretty widely known:

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery’s sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don’t really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
One was blind and the other couldn’t see,
So they fought in front of a referee,
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout “hooray!”)
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don’t believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.

Nareau

 

[Cthulhudrew]

This was pretty funny, sorry I missed this the first time around. My favorite bit about the Bandit encounter is the way their description gradually evolves. In the boxed text, we learn that they look like peasants or serfs carrying weapons, but then we learn the weapons they are carrying are the sorts of weapons no peasant or serf would ever carry.

And then, upon closer inspection- they're all carrying swords.

Padding the word count much?

 

[Prince of Happiness]

So, Borat's other name is Carl Smith?!?

Jagshemash. I like the nymph prostitutes by lake to make the sexy time! Very niiice. High five!

 

[Mistwell]

Adversary Games: Florida (USA): A small-press company in the early 80's run by Carl Smith out of Florida. Former makers of the Buccaneer historical RPG (?) and the Acquitane fantasy RPG (?) as well as xD&D supplements such as "Alchemist's Abode".

 

[Delta]

Here's an example I found last night while leafing through module A2, Secret of the Slavers' Stockade. Usually the A-series boxed text is fairly good (it occurs to me that tournament modules relied more on boxed text -- perhaps to make sure everyone in the tourney got the same starting information). But this one is like somebody drew a box around a completely random paragraph...

16. Beehives.

The door here seems to be stuck, and will have to be forced open. When it is opened, a bucket of sugary syrup falls and drenches anyone standing in the doorway. Immediately an angry buzzing arises, and the syrup covered character is attacked by a swarm of bees.

Note that here you have an example of "killer boxed text" without ever using the word "you" (which may make it even worse).

 

[Random Axe]

I don't suppose we could get an official ruling on exactly how much of the module can be posted here? So far, we've only had 4 encounters in the 30+ page module, and I wouldn't mind seeing more. I know Quas didn't want to risk posting more, but if we got the mod's okay on exactly how much was allowed it should be okay.

I'm certainly no expert, but isn't the fact that we've "credited" Mr. Smith for the forementioned material, relevant to there being no threat of copyright infringement? It's not as if we're re-posting HIS material and claiming it to be our own. I'm not aware of a "limit" on quotable material when the author is being so clearly indicated.

 

[Kafkonia]

I'm certainly no expert, but isn't the fact that we've "credited" Mr. Smith for the forementioned material, relevant to there being no threat of copyright infringement? It's not as if we're re-posting HIS material and claiming it to be our own. I'm not aware of a "limit" on quotable material when the author is being so clearly indicated.

If you don't have the rights to reproduce it -- which the copyright holder must grant you -- you don't have the rights to reproduce it, regardless of whether you attribute it or not. There is leeway to reproduce some of it for review purposes, which this arguably is.

 

[Gundark]

I played this mod when I was waaaayyy back in scouts. I remember the Nymph and the wererats. I had fun in the mod....then again I was 13 and I was a player, not the DM.

 

[Asmo]

Finally I find the source of my sig! Has it really been that long?


Asmo

 

[Kelek72]

OK. I just looked on ebay to see if any copies of The Forest Oracle were cheap. One auction, ending in 20 hours or so, has numerous goofs in the listing. Is the seller being funny?

And I Quote:
Your are bidding on a vintage Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Modules N2 The Forest Oracle by Carl Smith, 1984. (TSR-9084). For 6-8 characters levels 2-4.

The Land lies under a curse. Fruit drops to the ground, its pulp black and rotten. Leaves curl and wither in the branches. Animals flee the parched vale or starve.

Log ago, the Downs prospered under the care of Druids. But the priests of nature have retreated deep into the woods and rarely show themselves. One old man claims that the Druids have the power to save the valley, if only someone could find their Oracle to seek help. Will you reach the Foret Oracle of the Druids in time? And if you do, can they really lift the curse? Or does the answer lie elswhere?

This module has long been out of print and would make an excellent addition to any gaming collection.

I have others listed including G1-2-3, D3 and Q1 together, either check my listings or email me.

Shipping is $4.50 in US and $12 Worldwide.