Game session abruptly canceled

[Mistwell]

I need to put this down in writing to get it off my chest.
Here's the situation. My game group currently consists of my best friend M, his wife K and I. We play every other weekend due to his work schedule. M and I take turns DMing. They live about an hour away. I have made the drive to their house for every session for about the past year and a half. This weekend I needed to change the venue to my place because I'm feeding and letting out another friend's pets while he's out of town. I told M early last week about the needed venue change. M and wife have 2 kids age 5 and a bit over 1. M says he'll try to get his folks to watch the kids while we play. I say its no problem if they can't. Bring the kids with. He says OK. Its my understanding that this is the plan.
Today is game day. I call M today to find out what the plan is for the day. M tells me his parents can't take the kids and he and the wife don't want to bring them with, so they're not coming. I say man that sucks and we hang up.
I'm disappointed. Then I get frustrated, then I get mad. I call back to tell M that I'm mad and I think it sucks that they're cancelling our plans at the last minute. M basically tells me I'm a no good jerk for being mad. We exchange heated words, and somehow its twisted to where I'm the one who's out of line because I think people should follow through on things they have agreed to do and not cancel at the last minute. Apparently its also unreasonable for me to want to change the session to my place the odd time once a year or so.
This isn't the first time they've cancelled on me at the last minute. The other times I'd already made the drive to their place and then had the session blown. I guess I should count my blessings. At least this time I didn't have to drive an hour to be let down.

You are a no good jerk for being mad. You may know why some day when you have a spouse and kids.

[Edit - sorry for being so late to the thread - glad it all worked out]

 

[Mistwell]

Just a general comment:

I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that". I game for fun and yes a child is a primal force of nature which can change your day and your life in just seconds.

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

I agree. And I don't even have kids, yet.

Some folks on this board have some wacky priorities, and strange ideas of friendship and fun. If I ever get to the point where I kick a friend out of a game because they cannot show up one time to a game, I need to quit the game because it's no longer being treated like a game by me.

 

[Mistwell]

Only by the wildest hyperbole are people saying "that's that".

I think your use of "wildest hyperbole" in that conext is itself "wildest hyperbole". That is what a lot of folks were essentially saying. That there were exceptions does not mean you cannot discuss the general rule that many people were mentioning, and discussing that general rule doesn't make it "wildest hyperbole" to fail to mention the exceptions.

Meanwhile, it seems to me that the parents of the opposite opinion repeatedly state that it's okay for them to cancel at the drop of a hat, and everyone should accept that without complaint.

See now there is a fine example of hyperbole Who here said everyone should accept any amount of cancellations at the drop of the hat without complaining?

 

[gizmo33]

You are a no good jerk for being mad. You may know why some day when you have a spouse and kids.

I'm sure being responsible and raising kids is hard but that doesn't mean that everyone else has to eat it. Good manners are probably always in order - and being good about showing up to things that you say you're going to show up to is probably something you should do regardless of whether you are a parent.

Then again, it's not in the OPs interest to be lecturing other people about their manners - and certainly not getting angry about it. Past a certain point, IMO you just have to accept how your friends are going to do things - it's their business. It might have been nice in the past to always count on your friends to enable your gaming habits, but things change over time and you can't hold them responsible for making sure you get your gaming fix for the rest of eternity. Keep the friendship, stay polite, and perhaps explore creating a gaming group where your friends are not the vital element.

 

[Deset Gled]

Today is game day. I call M today to find out what the plan is for the day. M tells me his parents can't take the kids and he and the wife don't want to bring them with, so they're not coming. I say man that sucks and we hang up.

This part right here is the part that would piss me off. It's one thing to have to cancel at the last minute. Stuff comes up, it happens. However, I generally consider it to be the duty of the person cancelling to, you know, cancel. And that phone call should take place relatively soon after they knew they couldn't make it. For the host to call to finalize some details the day of the event and only find out then that it's cancelled is a little different.

I could be wrong, and you might have had some pre-arranged deal set up that you would call your friend the day of to find out if he was coming or not, or maybe the babysitters cancelled at the last minute, but it doesn't sound like it. It's sounds less like a last minute cancellation and more like a planned blowing you off, and just letting you know at the last minute. To me, there's a notable difference.

 

[Mistwell]

I'm sure being responsible and raising kids is hard but that doesn't mean that everyone else has to eat it.

Indeed. But it does mean you should be civil to people who cancel a game because of young kids.

Good manners are probably always in order - and being good about showing up to things that you say you're going to show up to is probably something you should do regardless of whether you are a parent.

Stuff happens. In all aspects of life. Sometimes, you cannot make it to school, or work, or meetings, or yes gaming. Being understanding of the fact that stuff happens is an important part of becoming an adult. If it becomes a habit then it's a different story, but this isn't being described as habitual.

Then again, it's not in the OPs interest to be lecturing other people about their manners - and certainly not getting angry about it. Past a certain point, IMO you just have to accept how your friends are going to do things - it's their business. It might have been nice in the past to always count on your friends to enable your gaming habits, but things change over time and you can't hold them responsible for making sure you get your gaming fix for the rest of eternity. Keep the friendship, stay polite, and perhaps explore creating a gaming group where your friends are not the vital element.

I agree.

 

[Vocenoctum]

I think your use of "wildest hyperbole" in that conext is itself "wildest hyperbole". That is what a lot of folks were essentially saying. That there were exceptions does not mean you cannot discuss the general rule that many people were mentioning, and discussing that general rule doesn't make it "wildest hyperbole" to fail to mention the exceptions.

Really? Folks have repeatedly said that having kids is not a blanket excuse for bad manners, but that sometimes you have to cancel. Lockridge (in the post I replied to) said "I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that"." and simply put, no one has said that.

See now there is a fine example of hyperbole Who here said everyone should accept any amount of cancellations at the drop of the hat without complaining?

Lockridge's jaw is still on the floor because people don't understand that Parents will cancel at any time when their kids demand it. You yourself say he's a "no good jerk" for being angry because those parents canceled at the drop of the hat and he complained. Halivar just made the general statement of children trumping every plan, WayneLegion says get used to it also. Gundark says it's okay to be disappointed, but you'll have to come to grips...

 

[Vocenoctum]

Indeed. But it does mean you should be civil to people who cancel a game because of young kids.

Definetly two, um, "hot heads" bumping tempers seems to be the case.

Stuff happens. In all aspects of life. Sometimes, you cannot make it to school, or work, or meetings, or yes gaming. Being understanding of the fact that stuff happens is an important part of becoming an adult. If it becomes a habit then it's a different story, but this isn't being described as habitual.

Actually, I think it was described as habitual, and this was a breaking point for the OP, but they've hopefully sorted it all out now, so they should be good for a bit.

 

[werk]

Everyone gets angry, how you express that anger is what makes you a jerk or not. This was a jerk reaction considering the situation. If you can't understand that people have family situations, then you should not game with people who have families.

I think it's pretty jerky...jerkish...for the people with family situations to not communicate those situations effectively, if at all.

Cancelling because of issues, family or otherwise, is not a problem. NOT cancelling or raising any flags or warnings and the organizer being forced to call to see 'where are you?" ...that's the problem...that's the rude behavior...disrespect. Disrespect of others, and others' time. Everyone seems to have missed that point.

EDIT: kids/family are not a get out of jail free card, but your phone is.

 

[Mistwell]

Really? Folks have repeatedly said that having kids is not a blanket excuse for bad manners, but that sometimes you have to cancel. Lockridge (in the post I replied to) said "I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that"." and simply put, no one has said that.





Lockridge's jaw is still on the floor because people don't understand that Parents will cancel at any time when their kids demand it. You yourself say he's a "no good jerk" for being angry because those parents canceled at the drop of the hat and he complained. Halivar just made the general statement of children trumping every plan, WayneLegion says get used to it also. Gundark says it's okay to be disappointed, but you'll have to come to grips...

In most instances you just cited you exagerated the position of the person you were quoting. I again say that I think you calling other people hyperbolic is a case of the pot and kettle. I think you might want to dial back the rhetoric a bit. It's getting in the way of whatever point you're trying to make.