Game session abruptly canceled

[ShadowDenizen]

They should know that their kids are mercurial beasts and say something. They should not just say "Okay", they should say "you know how kids are, they might get whiny on the day, and I don't know whether we find someone to look after them. So we can agree on the date, but it's subject to change should the kids get difficult"

Why should they have to SAY that?
SOunds like this has happened before, why not take it as a GIVEN that the kids might act up. thereby canceling plans?

And I say this as someone with no kids of my own, but I have friends who have toddlers.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Why should they have to SAY that?

So childless me knows about it.

SOunds like this has happened before, why not take it as a GIVEN that the kids might act up. thereby canceling plans?

I'd probably do that. If they walked out on me like that a couple of time, I'd cancel their group membership.

Read the OP again. They didn't bother to call. He had to call, and then they casually mentioned that they weren't coming because the mother didn't want to bring the kids.

No call "hey, we won't come after all, the kids, sorry".

Not even "The kids act up, and my wife doesn't want to bring them after all."

It sounded a lot like they didn't want to bring the kids all along, they didn't tell him, they didn't mention anything about the kids being grumpy today, making the wife change her mind.

 

[Vocenoctum]

Just a general comment:

I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that". I game for fun and yes a child is a primal force of nature which can change your day and your life in just seconds.

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

Only by the wildest hyperbole are people saying "that's that". Lots of folks have repeatedly said that there are valid reasons and blah blah blah. Even the strictest "no call, no show, no game again" guys still say "no call".

Meanwhile, it seems to me that the parents of the opposite opinion repeatedly state that it's okay for them to cancel at the drop of a hat, and everyone should accept that without complaint. My brother has canceled plans with me before my nephew was acting up, but he gave me plenty of notice and it's not a recurring thing.

Truthfully, for the OP, I'd say he's better off finding a group, rather than relying on folks that he's emotionally attached to and are inconsiderate regularly.

 

[Blood Jester]

Just a general comment:

I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that".

Replace "a game" with:

"dinner plans"

If I spend hours of my time buying, preparing, and cooking food for you, your wife, and two children, do you have any sense of obligation to show?
To let me know you are canceling?

Note, I am not including monetary costs, just my personal time.

So many people who want to act as if people who consider "gaming plans" to be a commitment, and thus must have some social disorder also seem to lack any concept of social obligation, which is plain rude.

I would place lacking the social skills to understand that making plans with someone does indeed place an obligation upon oneself puts someone much further into the "socially dysfunctional" realm then expecting an invited (and invitation-accepted) guest to show, or at least call to say they are canceling.

I game for fun and yes a child is a primal force of nature which can change your day and your life in just seconds.

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

No, a child is a child.
You raise them, you teach them, you guide them, and you protect them.
You do not live in fear of them, nor stand back dumbstruck as they "happen".

If (barring illness) you find your children running through your life like a hurricane, beyond your control, go see Dr. Phil.

Having a child does not separate you from the human race, nor does it obligate the world to compensate for your inability to cope.

 

[SteveC]

Interesting situation, and one that's all too common in gaming, work, and life in general.

I get the sense that the OP is feeling that his time and commitments aren't getting the respect they deserve.

That happens a lot with people with kids. I think we have to take it as a given that when you have kids, they're going to be sick, be unhappy, have soccer practice to get to...and a million other things. What I see all too often (again, in gaming circles and in work/life in general) is that there is this sort of expectation that everyone will just deal with it. To me, that's wrong.

I have a lot of coworkers with families of their own, and game with many of them. They have to cancel out from game sessions quite a bit, and I've gotten more than a few calls saying "hey, can you come into work on Saturday to do this thing for me...the kids are sick and I really can't make it." For me, I'm happy to help out as long as the person on the other side realizes that they're asking something of me, that I'm doing a favor. Once it simply starts being expected of me, that crosses the line.

Imagine these two situations: the first one is on game day you get a call from a player that says "hey, really sorry about this, but I can't make it to the game...Timmy is sick and I need to stay here and take care of him." Compare that with this: "Hey Bob, just wondering if you're going to bring the bean dip for the game tonight. "Oh, about that, sorry, but I can't make it." In the second case, if you hadn't of called them, they just wouldn't have shown up...

The first case is totally acceptable to me, because that's what gaming with people who have kids is all about. The second case doesn't cut it because, not calling and being upfront about not coming to the game is the real issue, not the kids!

So I guess I think the OP is in the right, and really needs to sit down and ultimately have a talk with his nephew. Yes, he was angry, and that's something to apologize for. At the same time, canceling out on a game without notice is also wrong, and it needs to be addressed. Can't make the game? Call or email...it's just that simple, and it shows respect.

--Steve

 

[Rothe]

...
No, a child is a child.
You raise them, you teach them, you guide them, and you protect them.
You do not live in fear of them, nor stand back dumbstruck as they "happen".

If (barring illness) you find your children running through your life like a hurricane, beyond your control, go see Dr. Phil.

Having a child does not separate you from the human race, nor does it obligate the world to compensate for your inability to cope.

Of course. But teaching that child to have some inpulse control takes time. IIRC, one of the children was a 1 year old. The teaching is unlikely to have stuck yet. By 5 they should be doing pretty good, but if up to late, etc. they can still lose it.

As a parent of 3, you certainly don't stand back while they "happen." You develop techniques to calm them down when they lose it and teach them how not to lose it. But lose it they will, and no amount of "Dr. Phil." let's talk about it is going to help, especially at 1. I applaud boerngrim for not minding this. It sounds like he's experienced it before and is cool with it.

 

[Rothe]

boerngrim, just wanted to say it is very cool of you to have the kids over while gaming.

One observation from your post date of May 12, the next day was Mother's day. Maybe mom was a little tired and had a big day/weekend planned for Mother's day. A one year old may be "sleeping through the night" defined by sleeping 4 hours, but then it's still tiring and she's been doing this for a year already.

Sounds to me like everyone got a little out of hand. Your nephew should have called, and it shouldn't have escalated to insults. But it did. With family you can usually explain, apologize and move on the stronger for it.

 

[Lockridge]

Replace "a game" with:

"dinner plans"


No, a child is a child.
You raise them, you teach them, you guide them, and you protect them.
You do not live in fear of them, nor stand back dumbstruck as they "happen".

If (barring illness) you find your children running through your life like a hurricane, beyond your control, go see Dr. Phil.

Having a child does not separate you from the human race, nor does it obligate the world to compensate for your inability to cope.

Sorry dude. My jaw is still on the floor. Stop kicking it will ya?
Dinner plans or a D&D game - It don't matter.

As for your comment about a child being a child. Wow. Just wow. I'm not even going to argue. I really wouldn't know where to start. How do you tell a blind man what a color is? And your comment about the "human race". Again wow. Humans reproduce. I think all the parents out here who have raised kids have a big giant smirk on their face right now.

Wow. Ok, I'm going to go try to catch that jaw. Once I have it I'll be back to observe with that big giant smirk.

 

[pawsplay]

Speaking as a parent, piling two small child into the car, driving an hour, keeping them up past their bed time, then driving them an hour back home, does not sound like a "fun time." That's a totally valid reason to say, "Sorry, see you in a couple of weeks."

The short notice sucks, but they were hoping to make it, but childcare plans did not happen.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Speaking as a parent, piling two small child into the car, driving an hour, keeping them up past their bed time, then driving them an hour back home, does not sound like a "fun time." That's a totally valid reason to say, "Sorry, see you in a couple of weeks."

The short notice sucks, but they were hoping to make it, but childcare plans did not happen.

So why did they seemingly agree to bring the kids?