Game session abruptly canceled

[Chimera]

M never told me that not having a baby sitter was the deal breaker untill I called and asked him about his status Saturday. He tends not to be upfront about things like that in my opinion. That has been a source of my frustration.

Something you need to talk about.

But hey, parents of small children tend to be a bit freaky and self-centered. Their entire world revolves around their children, which is great for the kids, but terrible for the world that isn't their kids. You will need to cut him some slack on that front and realize that his kids come before anything else in the world.

It may be that he and/or his wife don't want to deal with transporting the kids and then tending to them in a not-home setting. There may well be issues with comfort levels and/or differences in the behavior of the children that make this an issue. Heck, at home they can do a lot of things; like just randomly pull out a juice box or treat, grab a toy, turn on a particular DVD, or put the kid in it's own bed; that they cannot do elsewhere.

It may also be that he's not upfront because there are disagreements between him and his spouse about these issues and potentially how they relate to you and/or other guests and visits, that do not allow him to be more decisive. After all, if you know that you're only going to argue with the Mrs. about every little detail before *being told* what the decision is, you aren't going to be able to nail anything down with anyone else before hand.

 

[Gundark]

Disappointment and frustration are natural reactions. Getting back on the phone and having heated words about it is out of line. Here's the thing - how well the parents think the kids will handle the change in venue as well as the 2 hours in the car trump your belief on whether or not they should follow-through with a gaming session plan, particularly when a 1 year old is involved. That's the long and short of it and it's a responsibility the parents have to bear. If they don't think the kids will do well enough with the change and drive, they have the responsibility to call it off no matter how much they want to game.
At least this time you got notice.

QFT. Parents cancelling even at the last minute because of kids isn't irresponsible (most of the time). Kids moods change and believe me, there is no way I'd bring grouchy kids to someone's house to game. If you're playing with both parents it's something you'll have to come to grips with. However I can understand your dissapointment

 

[RichGreen]

Hope you get it sorted out with your friend. Not worth falling out over something like this!


Richard

 

[Jeysie]

Well, IMHO, if you're in a situation where your kids may cause unexpected cancellations of things at the last minute on a frequent basis... you should not be making ongoing commitments. You should be upfront and say that you may miss sessions, and that they should structure your character accordingly, if possible.

It's still the same principle; letting people who are counting on you know that you may not always be available. I know that if I feel like I can't fulfill a commitment, I simply don't make it. That's not fair to the people I'm making the commitment to.

Peace & Luv, Liz

 

[Kae'Yoss]

A Pet peeve of mine. I left two roleplaying groups because games were being cancelled - last minute, and without good reason - all the time, and I'd throw out every player who'd try to pull that off on us without hesistation (though there are no family members involved in our group).


Not knowing all the facts, you might have overreacted to the situation, which is only human.

But I really think that the fault is theirs:

I'm not saying that they should neglect their kids or anything. I'm not saying that there's no reasons for last minute cancellings.

I'm saying that they could have said up front that they don't want to bring the kids, and that it's possible that they don't find a babysitter so the game is no sure thing yet. Instead, they apparently agreed to bring the kids along if they can't find anything.

Sure, kids might be prone to mood swings. I don't know because I don't have children. The OP might not know because he doesn't have children. The couple has children, and I'd say that if anyone is aware of a child's mood swings, it's the parents.

And it sounded as if the other guy was even more out of line than the OP for calling him a jerk for being upset and mad about this and for trying to make it his fault and for being unreasonable about the occasional change of location. That sounds like he isn't ready to compromise.

For me, bottom line?

D+D is a GAME

Not quite.

Solitaire is a game. Baldur's Gate is a game.

D&D is not just a game but also an appointment. People commit time to the gaming rounds. They keep the time free from other things, sometimes declining on other opportunities. Going and cancelling on someone, on a whim and last minute, is extremely rude.

Again, I don't say that everyone has to make every round, that it is forbidden to ever call off a session. But there should be a reason for it, and you should get people some forewarning. If you keep missing games because "you just didn't feel like it", why are you there? Are the other players a stopgap?
And of course, sometimes something does come up last minute. But if you know that you won't be there next week, you don't shut up about it and only tell the others 15 minutes after you were supposed to start playing.

It doesn't have anything to do with anyone being able to find something else to do, it's not the point. Some people might be able to find something else to do, and good for them. Some people might not, and that doesn't mean that they're to blame if their day is ruined because you cancelled on them.

All in all, if you don't think anything of it if you cancel on your friends without a good reason and with only a couple of minutes (or even hours) warning, D&D is not for you. Get a gameboy or something.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Well, IMHO, if you're in a situation where your kids may cause unexpected cancellations of things at the last minute on a frequent basis... you should not be making ongoing commitments.

Exactly. They're your kids, so why should others suffer in your stead?

 

[noretoc]

I have a rule in my game. No Show, No call, no play again. Cancel three times last min, also find another game. For thoes who say "it a game, and sometimes I cant make it" you being self centered. There are exceptions. If your kids have problems last min, not a problem. Something happend unexpectedly, not a problem. If they are being unruly and you don't want to leave them with a babysitter last min, call me, not a problem. (heck you are missing out on a game, your hurting enough). If you dont show, cause you got a raid on WOW, there is a problem. Most good dms bend thier story around thier players allowing each to use thier character in situtation best for them. Also they set up storyline for certain characters. I have sometimes seven players. It we are set to go on a quest to go to player's a' old homeland and talk his family into giving us the rock they found generation ago that has a rare baby dragon held in stasis. When player A dosen't show up with less than an hours notice, then all of the plot threads that were from his background story go out the window. In fact either somone uses his cha as an npc or we dont play. That means six people who have been waiting for this game for a week, and posting about it and sharing ideas lose out on thier plans for a night. When we play all of us can be doing something else that night. Why is your time more valuable then ours? There is always room for en emergency, or something unexplained. If you dont have a good reason for not playing and not letting us know early enough, and now the rest of us are getting screwed over for it, then play elsewhere. It is only common curtesy. It is just a game, but it isn't the game you screw with. It is the people that you play with. They are nice enough to include you in thier group and hobby. Have the curtesy to respect thier time. Some players forget that d&d is about the people not the books. They think that thier groups are lucky to have them, when they should be lucky to be included. When it come to any social groups, remember you are in it alone. If you leave, the rest of the group has eachother, if they don;t want you, you have only yourself to blame. If each member is respectful of each other, then you will find if that much more enjoyable.

 

[Vocenoctum]

Solitaire is a game. Baldur's Gate is a game.

D&D is not just a game but also an appointment. People commit time to the gaming rounds. They keep the time free from other things, sometimes declining on other opportunities. Going and cancelling on someone, on a whim and last minute, is extremely rude.
<snip>
All in all, if you don't think anything of it if you cancel on your friends without a good reason and with only a couple of minutes (or even hours) warning, D&D is not for you. Get a gameboy or something.

I'll agree, but also disagree somewhat. If you agree to meet someone to play Monopoly at 8PM, you should be there at 8PM, it's a social appointment. Sure it's "just a game", but if folks are setting aside time for it, and you're wasting their time without consideration, I think folks being disappointed and perhaps even angry is reasonable. Perhaps he wasn't as diplomatic as he could have been, but oh well.

But, yeah, D&D being story driven lends to even more of a social commitment. Sometimes the story can't progress when someone fails to show unexpectedly. Our weekly group once, my brother and his GF decided at the last minute that they would go to the fair, even though the rest of the group had shown up for D&D. The rest of us played anyway, and he got angry because he didn't get XP...

 

[Halivar]

I have a rule in my game. No Show, No call, no play again. Cancel three times last min, also find another game.

Stricter than my job. I'm afraid I won't make the next session.

 

[robberbaron]

I think your mistake was to call him back. Bad feeling all round, no closure. Then again, I doubt you'd have had a satisfactory result from a later conversation.

So they can't be arsed to make an effort to play. Screw them and find some more reliable players closer to home.

I travel about the same distance to play (110 mile round trip - roughly £12 [$22] fuel cost) and have a hard time getting more than a couple of my friends to come play at my house.
BUT - they generally don't cancel at the last minute. If I turned up, only to find that several of them suddenly decided they had better things to do I would not run my game for a while, forcing one of them to do some work. I wouldn't ring them up and have a go at them, at least not on the first offence.

I understand that some (perhaps, most) people have RL issues that take precedence to gaming but I expect them to respect their friends. In my book no respect = no game.