D&D General How to be a Better DM: One Size Doesn't Fit All

[el-remmen]

It's because of this when I do give DM advice, I always tend to preface it not as "Here's what you should do" but rather "Here's what I would do." I feel like this tends to leave me advice as something that you can take or leave and not some commandment from an incredibly experienced GM that you absolutely need to heed if you want your game to not suck.

This is why I named my D&D zine HOW I RUN IT because I wanted to keep the sense of "this is what I would do" at the forefront, rather than anyone think (for good or ill) that I am saying THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD RUN IT.

"I can't tell you how to run your games, but I can tell you how I do, so I have. . "

 

[Bolares]

I decided to start a thread- a thread, about a thread, about a thread.

 

[Maxperson]

"Chad wants to play a Bard again, do I kill his character immediately, or kill his character immediately with extreme prejudice?"

If it isn't with prejudice, it isn't permanent and he can just make another one.

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Wonderful post! I agree with the thesis, and find the notion that streamed actual plays are the D&D equivalent of porn most amusing.

Well, I tried to make the connection as explicit as I could while still remaining within the forum guidelines.

But yeah- you can see (right now, in fact!) people that will look to streaming entertainment, such as Critical Role or Exandria Unlimited for their lesson in how to play D&D - or, just as weirdly, criticize the performers for "not playing D&D" correctly.

But it's performance. It's entertainment.

It is not simply a D&D game that is being streamed. They have those- if you watch an actual game that is being streamed, you quickly see the differences.

 

[Mort]

But it's the second type of issue that drives most of the conversations. "Does a good DM railroad?" "How often do you fudge?" "What is most important, player agency or rule 0?" "Is it okay to allow players to metagame?" "Chad wants to play a Bard again, do I kill his character immediately, or kill his character immediately with extreme prejudice?"

Have you seen The Gamers: Dorkness Rising? There's a bard scene you might particularly enjoy!

 

[TheAlkaizer]

Before I describe the points I partially disagree with, pleasek now that I agree with 90% of what you said. This is a wonderful post!

Those aren't D&D games, those are entertainment. You will learn as much about being a good DM for your home game from watching Critical Role as you would learn to be a considerate lover from watching adult film clips off the internet; it's just not in the same ballpark.

I don't agree. I enjoy Critical Role for what it is; a fun entertainment that I play on my phone when I'm doing the dishes. It's like watching theater. However, seeing someone doing it differently absolutely made me question some of my assumptions, realize that maybe there's some things I thought I did very well or very poor and that it wasn't the case. I also was spectator to several very cool moments that made me go "oh, that's cool, I never thought about doing something like that".

I've seen people criticize the way Matt Colville DMs. He's not my favorite DM ever. I disagree with him on multiple things. But he knows how he DMs, he knows what he likes and doesn't like and watching him run his game made me realize different things.

I became a better DM every time I spent some time watching other DM.

Instead, you will need to learn through trial and error, and through evolving your own style.

This is the most important factor for sure. My way of improving, which I still do today, is to always give myself one thing to do better at every session. It might be making a cool handout, trying to give more freedom to my players, or maybe integrating a rule that's I've misunderstood in the past. I'm always trying to improve. I take pride in the effort I put in DMing, and I'm actively trying to get better.

Do you think all of those players would give the same advice to a DM on the internet? Do you think they all have the same interests?

No they don't, but that's why they're valuables! You build your experience from the players you've had. And you've got no experience from the type of players you've never DMed for. There's a saying in video game development (and probably other industries) that players damn well know what doesn't work, but they don't know what the right solution is.

It's always interesting to me when I go on Reddit, and a puzzled DM describes a situation that happened with players that are clearly very different from my own. And it makes me ponder as to why his player are not having fun? How would I approach players like that? What's their intrinsic motivation? What are they looking for, what do they want out of the game?

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Have you seen The Gamers: Dorkness Rising? There's a bard scene you might particularly enjoy!

I have not; but to quote Uncle Joe Stalin- "One bard death is a tragedy of missed opportunities; a million bard deaths is a party!"

 

[OB1]

You will learn as much about being a good DM for your home game from watching Critical Role as you would learn to be a considerate lover from watching adult film clips off the internet; it's just not in the same ballpark.

While it may be true that @Snarf Zagyg might not learn as much about being a good DM for his home game from watching Critical Role, I have personally learned a ton from Mercer and from a host of other streaming DMs. I wouldn't even be playing D&D today if I hadn't got addicted to the 4e podcast Critical Hit (Rodrigo Lopez, who really should have made the Survivor thread). And even though I never played 4e and don't find that game to match my style, I was still inspired by and learned a lot of great things about DMing by listening to the show.

If you want to be a good writer, you don't just write, but read as many authors as you can. If you want to be a good film maker, you need to watch a ton of movies. Want to be a good football player, watch as many games as you can. You still have to hone your craft and discover what works and doesn't work for you and your audience, but being exposed to all kinds of different ideas and ways to do things, as well as watching people fail and succeed in different ways, can give you tools you never knew existed, or that may have taken you years to work out on your own.

The point of advice on the internet or watching live-streams or playing in other peoples games isn't to give you the perfect answer for how to be a good DM for your group, but to give you options to think about, explore, reject or try. Aabria might not be everyone's cup of tea, but @overgeeked can still learn something from her about how to make their own game better and for someone else it might be the perfect style for the group they play with. And a heated argument about a finer point can end up broadening the understanding of those involved.

I believe that live-streaming shows and podcasts have been an immense boon to the hobby, since previously it was difficult to be exposed to different styles of play. And while some players may try to perfectly emulate a DM they see on a stream and fail spectacularly, they can still learn from that experience and modify their own style, should they choose to try.

I do agree that the best way to become a better DM is to think about and empathize with YOUR players. They are your audience, not a thousand or a million people on the internet. What works for you and them is all that matters, and communication is key. Just like two lovers discussing what they like from the adult film clips they've watched on the internet

Of course, no one should read this post and take it as gospel, rather, I hope they think about it, take what works for them and discard the rest.

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

I don't agree. I enjoy Critical Role for what it is; a fun entertainment that I play on my phone when I'm doing the dishes. It's like watching theater. However, seeing someone doing it differently absolutely made me question some of my assumptions, realize that maybe there's some things I thought I did very well or very poor and that it wasn't the case. I also was spectator to several very cool moments that made me go "oh, that's cool, I never thought about doing something like that".

I've seen people criticize the way Matt Colville DMs. He's not my favorite DM ever. I disagree with him on multiple things. But he knows how he DMs, he knows what he likes and doesn't like and watching him run his game made me realize different things.

To be clear about the analogy-

It's not that people can't learn anything at all about, um, intimate relations from adult films. Obviously, they can!

It's just that adult films aren't about capturing the actual experience- they are about entertainment. If you believe that ... for lack of a better phrase ... this is how things really work ... you will end up with some profound misunderstandings.

Same with Critical Role and similar shows. Yes, you can get some tips here and there; but if you go in there believing that this is how your D&D table actually works, then .. you will end up with some profound misunderstandings.

 

[Bolares]

But yeah- you can see (right now, in fact!) people that will look to streaming entertainment, such as Critical Role or Exandria Unlimited for their lesson in how to play D&D - or, just as weirdly, criticize the performers for "not playing D&D" correctly.

Ah, the "mercer effect"...

Great post Snarf! Took me a while to read it all, but couldn't agree more. I'd ad as an item (to the already expanded list by Umbran):

6. Be open minded and respect other people's idea of fun.

Sometimes we forget that our truth is not THE truth, and something we assume is fun in land really awkward with our players, or worse, we won't recognize that our players are trying to show us what their kind of fun is...