In game romantic relationship

[Similkameen]

I realize too that these rumours are undercutting both characters. Standing up for the other character's reputation could just be seen as substantiating that there is a romantic relationship.

 

[JackSmithIV]

I realize too that these rumours are undercutting both characters. Standing up for the other character's reputation could just be seen as substantiating that there is a romantic relationship.

Really, I'd suggest first and formost an out-of-character conversation at the table by all present about whether or not this is the direction everyone is comfortable in going in. By the tenor of the way in which you've presented this, it seems that it is not. Having this displaying in the open forum of the game table is the best way to put the issue to rest quickly.

One awkward moment at the table is a worthy sacrifice to halt, what would be for you, an awkward gaming experience. No feelings hurt, no antagonizing to be had. If the problem persists, you should ask yourself questions like "Is this the game I want to be involved in".

Best wishes!

 

[Similkameen]

Have you tried the "silent treatment" towards the issue?

Just ignore it when it is brought up in game and change the subject, or continue with something else and act like no one said a thing about it?

Maybe the group will get the idea you are not interested in that sub-plot.

I am cold and heartless person so I would take this approach out of game before I sat down.

This approach may not work for you.

I did ignore it in the last game.
What I realize is that by ignoring it, my character is accepting that she is untrustworthy to the remainder of the party, as her "letting a relationship develop" means she is unprofessional and puts other characters at risk. Rumours are hard to quell. Silent treatment acts as acceptance of the rumour.
If my character responds in game to the rumour, then I risk that the romantic relationship does become part of the game, which I don't want to do.

I don't think this is so serious it needs to be taken out of game. It is more a question of how the character deals with it.

 

[Similkameen]

Really, I'd suggest first and formost an out-of-character conversation at the table by all present about whether or not this is the direction everyone is comfortable in going in. By the tenor of the way in which you've presented this, it seems that it is not. Having this displaying in the open forum of the game table is the best way to put the issue to rest quickly.

One awkward moment at the table is a worthy sacrifice to halt, what would be for you, an awkward gaming experience. No feelings hurt, no antagonizing to be had. If the problem persists, you should ask yourself questions like "Is this the game I want to be involved in".

Best wishes!

Thank you. Perhaps worth talking to the DM about. He knows the other players better than I do. I am not uncomfortable playing a character who has romantic relationships. That I could do. I just fundamentally don't think it will add anything to the game.
Perhaps if I treat this as a rumour that is casting aspertions on my character, regardless of what the rumour is, it will take the "romantic" element out of it, and allow it to develop in game, without messing things up.
Or perhaps I am being naive.

 

[Hella_Tellah]

I'm getting the point though, use an interesting in game mechanism to make sure there is no development of relationship. And importantly to be seen as a serious character, angry when those kinds of implications are made.

That's not quite what I'm getting at. When the other person at the table was insinuating there was something romantic going on, s/he was saying, "I want to act out a story in which my character puts your character on the spot by drumming up a false rumor." You should accept that person's offer, and have your character respond in whatever way is natural for the character.

In improvisational theater, you are encouraged to "say yes" to an offer. If another actor proposes something through dialogue, accept the direction they are taking things and go with it. Imagine a scene at a doctor's office. The doctor says, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Kornbluth, but we'll have to amputate." If the other actor responds by saying, "You're not a real doctor!" The scene grinds to a halt, and nothing comes from it. No one has fun. Instead, the other actor should say, "If you say so, Doctor, but that's the same leg you amputated last Wednesday!" In one instance, the actor says, "I don't want to do this scene!" In the other, the actor takes part in the scene, and keeps it moving in a direction she wants to take it.

Roleplaying is a lot like improvisational theater, in my opinion. When you go along with the other players and take things in the direction you want, people have fun. When you deny their offer for a scene, everything shuts down. So when another player starts a sub-plot that you're uncomfortable with, go through with it, but take it in the direction you want it to go in. This has the benefit of making the other player happy, because the other player got to have the scene he wanted, and when you have an idea for a scene, he'll play along, too.

 

[Lord Xtheth]

"Isn't the maiden/town/city/continent/world in peril? Can't you keep your mind on that for now, and we'll worry about your feelings when everyone's safe?"

 

[Hella_Tellah]

"Isn't the maiden/town/city/continent/world in peril? Can't you keep your mind on that for now, and we'll worry about your feelings when everyone's safe?"

With respect, I disagree with this approach. That's what you're saying in-character, but you're also saying, "I don't like your roleplaying idea." If you want your fellow players to keep coming up with ideas, encourage them to do so by playing along in your own way. Poo-pooing ideas you don't immediately like has the corollary effect of stifling your fellow players' creativity by making them worry that you won't play along when they offer up an idea.

 

[justanobody]

With respect, I disagree with this approach.

That's what you're saying in-character, but you're also saying, "I don't like your roleplaying idea." If you want your fellow players to keep coming up with ideas, encourage them to do so by playing along in your own way.

Poo-pooing ideas you don't immediately like has the corollary effect of stifling your fellow players' creativity by making them worry that you won't play along when they offer up an idea.

With respect, I disagree with this approach.

If there is something that you don't find enjoyable as part of the game, you need to tell people up front about it rather than just let people walk all over you for some infantile jokes later on.

What later if the rumor becomes true and the character is decided to try to rape the other character or something.

Don't let things start that you are not willing to take all posible outcomes for.

If you do not like something someone is bringing up, then don't allow it in the game.

There seem to be other female players of the group, so maybe one of them wants to try instead.

Would you still suggest if it were a group of all guys, and the OP was the only girl and this idea was brought up that some character wanted to do some sort of relationship roleplaying with the player and her character?

It IS OK to stop things if they are not something that will add to the game for all.

If something affects only a single player via their single character, and they do not want to take part, then someone needs to get their priorities straight if they cannot have fun without that other player "playing along" just to no "poo-poo" an idea.

Not to mention is the post you quoted was intended for in-character perspective, there would be in no way a dismissive for the idea of the relationship, but maybe the character really happens to feel that they need to align their priorities more on what is at hand to the characters.

The DMG now states you should be able to say YES, but ANY player has the right to say NO.

 

[Hella_Tellah]

If you do not like something someone is bringing up, then don't allow it in the game....
The DMG now states you should be able to say YES, but ANY player has the right to say NO.

You know, I hadn't considered that this might be a matter of it being uncomfortable out of game. If that's the case, I apologize to the OP; obviously if anything is creeping you out, you have the right to say no.

My advice only applies if Similkameen finds the other player's idea boring. If she finds it insulting, in poor taste, offensive, or creepy in any way, she should shut it down.

 

[Korgoth]

If anyone brings up romance in D&D, you should immediately kill the nearest orc. Ideally, this orc is innocent of any crimes (that you know about...) and so your unfair action will get an entire war started.

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"But we can't give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They're all blood, you see."

"Is that what people want?"

"It's what we do."
---------- [Tom Stoppard]