Is it over for me?

[pogre]

It does take patience, and another problem is those groups that do meet once a week with 30-somethings and 40-somethings with a life tend to be fairly insular with little contact with the outside gaming world. My group ranges in age from early 30's (one guy might be late 20s) to 43 or so. Many of us are married and a few of us have kids. It took me a while to get this group - I went through a dry spell of about a year plus when my last group disintegrated when folks moved away.

A few years ago I formed a group with non-gamers at a bar I used to hang out at - so you never know where you will find a group. If you have any friends who try WoW or are into other strategy games you might approach them first. Conventions are another good spot to find folks. My last few gamers have come via ENWorld, but for the internet to work you have to be strong enough to say "no thanks" sometimes too.

Good luck man!

I wish you were in central Illinois - sounds like you would fit right into our group.

 

[Jdvn1]

There's a Gamers seeking Gamers forum if you want to meet up with people.

But, yeah, it can be hard meeting up with people you're comfortable with.

Is there are local gaming store near you where you could join in a few games or start one of your own? That way you wouldn't be inviting someone into your house (always a little creepy) and you could feel people out that way.

Well, he said he's tried online forums and such.

Starting up games at a local gaming store for shorter campaigns might be a good idea, though. Have one-shots or (small number)-shots so that you can get a feel for the weirdness of people. Some local gaming stores have weird people, but the nonweird ones are just harder to pick out.

The basic idea, though, is to keep trying. There are other guys like you (I gamed with a number of them), but if you don't keep looking, you'll never find them.

 

[Andok]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. It's good to see that there are lots of other people out there with the same problem. I guess I just need to keep looking.

...and I think pogre hit the nail on the head when he said:

30-somethings and 40-somethings with a life tend to be fairly insular with little contact with the outside gaming world.

 

[Exquisite Dead Guy]

I feel your pain. It took me years to get a good group together. Now I am now actually turning people away from our group (4 last month and 2 this month). If this happens to you at least ask them to put you in touch with any other folks that also get turned down.

The best advice I can give is to keep posting either online or in stores. Post things like "Looking to meet gamers age X - Z. Nothing against younger gamers, but shared experience and all that". Read message boards that have postings often - heck, just post here at EN world a lot i the various forums. You'd be surprised how often I've seen people say "hey, you live right down the street from me!"

If someone posts that is just outside your area ask them if they would mind a longer commute or maybe you would be willing to drive a little further. At the very least you've made a contact, and who knows, one of you might move closer (this actually happened in my current group).

As far as determining if a potential gamer is the kind of person you are comfortable with, try meeting somewhere neutral location and just having lunch and yes, I know that sounds like a "safe dating" tip.

Just keep at it. You'll be glad you did!

 

[Oryan77]

It's trial and error. I hate to label people myself, but I've never been very impressed by the quality of rpger's and their social skills. Most random gamers I meet in public are creepy or just don't have a laid back personality. Even online gamers usually require smiley faces just to figure out if you are joking or not . I've socialized online for 12 years and never had as many people take an obvious joke as being serious as much as on rpg forums. I can't count the number of times I've seen someone write, "Oh, I wasn't sure cause there was no smiley face". They are also the fastest to point out your mistakes to prove their superior knowledge; either game related or all the way down to simple typing errors. That's not exactly the type of person I'd like to hang out with.

I understand where you're coming from. There's a lot of cool guys out there though, you just have to weed through the bad. I think I averaged 1 cool guy out of 5. It might be harder finding guys your own age that you'd get along with, so don't restrict yourself to 30-40 y/o's. There's plenty of 20-something career drivin guys that you might actually get along with.

Just post ads in the gamers seeking gamers forum on Enworld, or on the WotC website. Do a search for San Diego gamers and you might find Yahoo groups dedicated to finding SD gamers. Make sure you post exactly what type of people you would like to meet. Then all you can do is meet people and decide if you want to game with them. It's rough, but there's no easier way unless you approach people at conventions or gaming stores.

 

[Barak]

And don't limit yourself too much by age. My group range from 25 to late 30's. I'd say that anyone over the age of 25 would make a fine gamer friend.

Also, while I understand that you wouldn't wanna game with anyone you wouldn't -want- to do anything else with, it'sw ok if you don't. Truth be told, IO do little with my other group other than game (and the occasional board game when the RPG game is canceled, for some reason), and that's ok. I'm busy with family and other stuff, and have little free time. So that's ok too.

 

[loki44]

just have patience.

.....and luck, and flexibility.

I thought I was "finished" about a decade ago when I moved to Atlanta for many of the same reasons you state. Didn't have much luck finding a compatible group through bb's or at my local gaming store. Tried a handful of times but didn't find the right crew. Dabbled in a couple of play-by-post games, and tried playing tabletop via the internet with some old gaming buddies that were scattered around. All very short-lived and unsatisfying attempts. Like you, I had just about given up when I stumbled across an ad for an OD&D game in the gamers-seeking-gamers forum of EN World. The rest is history. That group is still active and I recently started playing in another D&D game comprised of many of the same individuals. I was patient, but also lucky. I wasn't really looking for an OD&D game in particular but that is what reared it's ugly head first, so I went with it and, voila! One thing leads to another. Don't get too caught up in preconceptions otherwise you're dooming yourself to failure in your search.

 

[Exquisite Dead Guy]

Try not to give up, the success stories give me hope that I will find a new group, or get my old one back together one day (hopefully before we all enter the assisted living community).

Gaming grannies on the next Geraldo!

 

[Henry]

Andok, good luck in your search. It would seem, as gamer-rich an environment I'm told San Diego is, that you shouldn't have much trouble finding new gamers. My best suggestions are:

Find local conventions and gamedays, as earlier suggested. Even if it's for a one-shot every month or every other month, it's a good way to recharge the batteries.

Check into Gencon SoCal, which I THINK is held in San Diego (not certain, though). It's growing as the years go by, and it's a good event sponsored by professionals.

Also, check these forums and others for play-by-post games. (Our "Talking the Talk" and "Playing the Game" forums are always active). A LOT of gamers don't have local groups, and their gaming action is entirely virtual, at a pace that busy schedules can accomodate.

--And as Diaglo said, don't give up hope! If you enjoy the hobby, there are plenty of ways to enjoy it.

 

[DragonLancer]

And don't limit yourself too much by age. My group range from 25 to late 30's. I'd say that anyone over the age of 25 would make a fine gamer friend.

Seriously. Don't dwell on age too much. In one of my two gaming groups we have a guy who is old enough to my father and a few years (and I'm 32), and we started playing 15 years ago. As long as you can find responsible people who aren't muppets, don't let their age/career/kids/marriage situation get in the way.

Good luck finding a group.