Joking and Teasing: How far is too far?

[shadow]

I've gamed with a variety of groups over the years with a variety of playing styles. I've noticed that overall gamers seem to be a sarcastic bunch.

A while back in a previous gaming group there were several players who had a very sarcastic insulting sense of humor. They would banter back and forth by making jokes at other's expense. Now in this group there was a player who had an obvious speech impediment (which was apparently partially biologically based). The player was very self-conscious of this defect. Naturally he was a target and a butt of very many jokes of the rest of the group. Now, I don't think the others meant to be mean spirited, but it was just that their sense of humor was very insulting (they would insult each other in addition). This sarcastic sense of humor was seen as a way to blow off steam and no offense was really meant. However, it became obvious that the one player was very uncomfortable about being the butt of many of the jokes (especially since they were often targeting his speech problem).

I ended up talking to the DM about this and I was told that no offense was really meant, the other players had no desire to police its language and be "politically correct", and that the player in question would just have to "stop being so sensitive" and "develop thicker skin". Needless to say the player sadly left the group not long afterwards. I started thinking, how far is too far with joking at the table? Obviously, any joke is going to be made at someone or something else's expense, but when does a joke go to far? Should a group tone itself down to accomodate a player, or should the player simply be advised to seek a different group that would fit him or her better?

 

[JoeGKushner]

Hard to say. Every group and every situation will vary.

I know that one of the guys in our group was getting a beat down by a few of the other players and that I joined in many a time until I realized that the guy was getting aggreviated and while I stopped, it just seemed to egg the others on.

Low man on the totem pole I guess or something along those lines.

What's worse is that when more than one person is doing it, it seems to encourage others to join in on the beatdown.

 

[Crothian]

Your group was in the wrong. If they really weren't mean spirited about it they would have stopped. It doesn't matter that they thought it was all in good fun, all that matters is how it was percieved.

Joking is fine as long as everyone is fine with it. I joke with my gaming buddies, but we don't go to far. Everyone has something they don't find funny even if it is all in good fun.

 

[diaglo]

it is just pecking order.

one guy is gonna be nekked without any feathers in the end.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

How far is too far will vary by individual. Sorry Shadow, but your group sounds like a bunch of jerks to me. Go ahead and joke with people who can obvioulsly handle it, but go easy on others until you know their individual limit. The degree of self-depricating humor can often be a good guide.

Jokes about that person's speech impediment is way beyond ok as far as I'm concerned and is really immature.

 

[Jedi_Solo]

It has gone too far when the target says it has gone too far. The group described was in the wrong and should have stopped.

When the target asks for it to stop - it needs to stop. If it doesn't stop at that point it crosses the line from 'good-natured' to 'mean-spirited'. No exceptions.

 

[Barak]

It really really depends on the group involved. Our group does a lot of that too, but there isn't really any one target, we just do it to each other all the time. And since we're all intelligent people, using an obvious "defect" would be viewed as lame, because it's just too easy, and requires no skill. One member of the group, for example, is really.. err.. heavy. But that never comes up in the jokes. We do make fun of the fact that it takes him the longest out of everybody to figure out what he does in a round of combat, and he plays a.. Dwarven barbarian. Go figure.

Then again, each of us would go out of our way to help any other member of the group that was in a bind.

 

[Nomad4life]

How far is too far?

Needless to say the player sadly left the group not long afterwards.

Just before it gets to this point.

 

[Whimsical]

I prefer to be treated with respect, dignity, and honor, particularly from those whom I consider friends. My friends can expect the same from me.

 

[Tiew]

I remember when I was a kid my father told me that if you have a bunch of chicken's they'll fight things out and establish an order of dominence. The chickens at the top will occasionally peck the chickens bellow, not to start a fight, just to remind them of their place. He was warning me that kids will do the same thing with picking on each other. Unfortunately I inherited his social awkwardness and was never very good at establishing myself. So I spent a lot of time as the guy at the bottom who gets harassed but doesn't do much back. Was really relieved when I got to college and found out adults don't usually act this way. Anyway, I guess this gave me the opinion that making fun of someone in a mean way to establish dominance is childish .

If it's funny and not about things people will be sensitive about cool. If not I think the correct thing to do is to say something about it. That sort of crap should not be accepted in adults, they're old enough to know better and to be more responsible for their hurtful actions.

Of course it's easy for me to take a hard line since I don't know these people and I don't have to be the one to say anything. Good luck with that, it sounds like a hard situation.