King_Stannis
Explorer
Wolfen Priest said:
unless they're like mine, and hate each other!
[OT] Hurting. (I warn you, this is *very* OT
- Thread starter kylekornkven
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unless they're like mine, and hate each other!
Wolfen Priest
First Post
Heh, well mine are brothers, so that probably makes some difference.
Rel
Liquid Awesome
Wow, Kyle, I don't know what to say except you are handling this far better than a lot of people do. You have my strongest hopes that the future holds peace and joy. But until that happens, I hope you feel free to come to these boards for advice and support.
If you also want a female perspective on what you are going through, I'd recommend youmarriedhim.com. The community there is small, mostly female but very kind and supportive. (I know that there are a number of women that post here at ENWorld, but, face it, it's mostly us guys.)
Anyhow, good luck and stay strong. Your boy will need that from you.
If you also want a female perspective on what you are going through, I'd recommend youmarriedhim.com. The community there is small, mostly female but very kind and supportive. (I know that there are a number of women that post here at ENWorld, but, face it, it's mostly us guys.)
Anyhow, good luck and stay strong. Your boy will need that from you.
Furn_Darkside
First Post
King_Stannis said:
unless they're like mine, and hate each other!
Perhaps you should stop putting them into those little gladitorial matchs against each other... empty hot tubs are not colliseums.
FD
King_Stannis
Explorer
Furn_Darkside said:
why'd you have to go and say that?
now i'll be forced to go and try that out.
Wolfen Priest
First Post
This is getting way OT, but one of the funniest/weirdest moments of my life was watching a girlfriend put her (our) cat into a hot tub filled only with soap bubbles. No water, just bubbles.
That cat scrambled so hard to get out of that slippery tub, he banged himself up horrendously. It was funny at first, but he seriously could not get out! and he just kept slipping around like a freaked out little rodent, banging his head against everything over and over and over....
I suppose it didn't help much that he wasn't neutered (BTW he's the father of my 2 current cats).
That cat scrambled so hard to get out of that slippery tub, he banged himself up horrendously. It was funny at first, but he seriously could not get out! and he just kept slipping around like a freaked out little rodent, banging his head against everything over and over and over....
I suppose it didn't help much that he wasn't neutered (BTW he's the father of my 2 current cats).
Darklone
Registered User
Kyle, yet another one in the line of infidelity victims. Just wanted to say, we can't probably help you even with all those good advices, but hopefully it helps to listen. I know that doesn't help a lot, but those sad stories are happening very often nowadays. And a lot of men know how you feel.
Good luck man, and don't sit on a motorbike without looking at the street as I did. It hurts and does not help at all.
Good luck man, and don't sit on a motorbike without looking at the street as I did. It hurts and does not help at all.
phoamslinger
Explorer
Kyle, bear with me on this one.
Your story touched on a lot of memories from a long time ago. Except that when it happened to me, I was the friend who slept with my best friend's wife.
Here are a few things that might give you some comfort when you're feeling angry:
1. If your wife cheated on you, she'll probably cheat on him. It's a character flaw, not a once-in-a-lifetime event.
2. When (not if) that happens, he'll probably feel as bad as you do now (Karma works that way - I know it did when she did it to me).
and most importantly of all
3. Go and find a lawyer today, if you haven't already. File first. And fight as hard as you can for FULL CUSTODY of your son!
Right now, your wife is living out of wedlock in the heart of Mormon Country. I don't know Utah, but I'd bet money that with a sympathetic judge you could force a VERY favorable decision because of this. Things aren't like they used to be where the mother automatically won. I know because I took custody away from my ex-wife three years ago. It can be done.
If you wait and let her file, her lawyer will do his best to screw you to the wall. He'll do it because (no matter what agreements the two of you may make beforehand) by screwing you, it provokes a prolonged fight. Prolonged fights put money in his pocket (and takes it out of yours). If your wife said that she considers it all to be your fault, she will see nothing wrong in fighting dirty to win. Therefore . . .
Keep a journal of everything; every conversation, every slip of the tongue, every questionable thing that might be the one thing you need to win. Get your ducks in a row before going into battle.
Remember, your son needs someone like you a lot more than he needs someone like her. Don't let him down.
Lastly, if you win custody, your wife will probably try to reconcile with you. If she does, a premarital agreement guaranteeing you full custody should be the first thing you think of.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Your story touched on a lot of memories from a long time ago. Except that when it happened to me, I was the friend who slept with my best friend's wife.
Here are a few things that might give you some comfort when you're feeling angry:
1. If your wife cheated on you, she'll probably cheat on him. It's a character flaw, not a once-in-a-lifetime event.
2. When (not if) that happens, he'll probably feel as bad as you do now (Karma works that way - I know it did when she did it to me).
and most importantly of all
3. Go and find a lawyer today, if you haven't already. File first. And fight as hard as you can for FULL CUSTODY of your son!
Right now, your wife is living out of wedlock in the heart of Mormon Country. I don't know Utah, but I'd bet money that with a sympathetic judge you could force a VERY favorable decision because of this. Things aren't like they used to be where the mother automatically won. I know because I took custody away from my ex-wife three years ago. It can be done.
If you wait and let her file, her lawyer will do his best to screw you to the wall. He'll do it because (no matter what agreements the two of you may make beforehand) by screwing you, it provokes a prolonged fight. Prolonged fights put money in his pocket (and takes it out of yours). If your wife said that she considers it all to be your fault, she will see nothing wrong in fighting dirty to win. Therefore . . .
Keep a journal of everything; every conversation, every slip of the tongue, every questionable thing that might be the one thing you need to win. Get your ducks in a row before going into battle.
Remember, your son needs someone like you a lot more than he needs someone like her. Don't let him down.
Lastly, if you win custody, your wife will probably try to reconcile with you. If she does, a premarital agreement guaranteeing you full custody should be the first thing you think of.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
King_Stannis
Explorer
damn that's good advice, phoamslinger.
Chairman_Kaga
Founder of the Gourmet Gamer Academy
Lawyers...a necessary evil in this scenario I'm afraid.
I had a girlfriend cheat on me once...with a married man 20 years her senior who had three kids and was about a hundred pounds heavier than me.
When I found out, I was absolutely furious. But not the pulse pounding, screaming, hair pulling furious that you might expect
No, no...I was more of the cold-blooded, hands steady as a rock, perfectly calm furious.
When I was done getting even six weeks later, his wife had discovered the affair, had left him, and had filed for divorce and full custody...he had lost his job at the university (fraternization between school staff and students is a huge no no and he was a campus bus driver)...his car disappeared and mysteriously turned up at the bottom of a 60 foot deep gorge full of sludge...he was arrested eventually and charged with statutory rape (turns out she was underage)...
As for the girlfriend, her Baptist minister father found out about the affair and beat her like a red headed step-child, I believe he eventually threw her out and disowned her. Last I heard she had transferred to a school across country with some other relatives who were a little more forgiving
What can I say? I really dislike being cheated on...
I had a girlfriend cheat on me once...with a married man 20 years her senior who had three kids and was about a hundred pounds heavier than me.
When I found out, I was absolutely furious. But not the pulse pounding, screaming, hair pulling furious that you might expect
No, no...I was more of the cold-blooded, hands steady as a rock, perfectly calm furious.
When I was done getting even six weeks later, his wife had discovered the affair, had left him, and had filed for divorce and full custody...he had lost his job at the university (fraternization between school staff and students is a huge no no and he was a campus bus driver)...his car disappeared and mysteriously turned up at the bottom of a 60 foot deep gorge full of sludge...he was arrested eventually and charged with statutory rape (turns out she was underage)...
As for the girlfriend, her Baptist minister father found out about the affair and beat her like a red headed step-child, I believe he eventually threw her out and disowned her. Last I heard she had transferred to a school across country with some other relatives who were a little more forgiving
What can I say? I really dislike being cheated on...
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