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[Dannyalcatraz]

@Dannyalcatraz

19 Lawyers Are Recalling The Exact Moment They Were In Court And Thought, "Welp, This Bozo Just Lost!"

"The client showed up to court wearing the exact outfit he stole from the store — tags still attached."

www.yahoo.com

One of the (very few) criminal cases I was 2nd chair on, we had a client who was pulling all kinds of shenanigans, making the case drag on and on. Then finally, there came the moment our client just simply shouted “BITCH!” at the top of his lungs.

Now, he had reasons to be frustrated, but the head bailiff, the ADA, and the judge were all women. The bailiff escorted him out and talked to him; he returned, chastened.

Fortunately, the ADA and the judge didn’t hold his outburst against him, and honored the deal my boss had hammered out for him- time served & $16k restitution as opposed to the fine plus life in jail (because it was his third strike).

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

The Dunning-Kruger Uncertainty Principle.

“Do you know how stupid you are?”

“I do now!”

 

[trappedslider]

One of the (very few) criminal cases I was 2nd chair on, we had a client who was pulling all kinds of shenanigans, making the case drag on and on. Then finally, there came the moment our client just simply shouted “BITCH!” at the top of his lungs.

Now, he had reasons to be frustrated, but the head bailiff, the ADA, and the judge were all women. The bailiff escorted him out and talked to him; he returned, chastened.

Fortunately, the ADA and the judge didn’t hold his outburst against him, and honored the deal my boss had hammered out for him- time served & $16k restitution as opposed to the fine plus life in jail (because it was his third strike).

My favorite from the article is number 5

 

[Ryujin]

One of the (very few) criminal cases I was 2nd chair on, we had a client who was pulling all kinds of shenanigans, making the case drag on and on. Then finally, there came the moment our client just simply shouted “BITCH!” at the top of his lungs.

Now, he had reasons to be frustrated, but the head bailiff, the ADA, and the judge were all women. The bailiff escorted him out and talked to him; he returned, chastened.

Fortunately, the ADA and the judge didn’t hold his outburst against him, and honored the deal my boss had hammered out for him- time served & $16k restitution as opposed to the fine plus life in jail (because it was his third strike).

Apologies for the length...

I don't know why outbursts like that don't immediately result in a finding of direct contempt, but judges seem to give more than a few warnings before finally slapping someone down.

Re: Shenanigans - 30ish years back I was a witness in a theft/fencing case. The company I was working for had an employee purchase agreement with Microsoft Canada and a MS employee came in to have a computer repaired. When I checked the serial number it turned out to be one of maybe a dozen computers that had been stolen from one of our clients. They got the first batch and then, when those had been replaced, they stole the replacements as well a few weeks later. I took it in, didn't say anything about that to the MS employee, then immediately called police.

Police investigated and, based on what they found, arrested the owner of a small computer shop where they found several of the stolen computers. That's when the fun began.

Over the nest several years I received 4 or 5 subpoenas to appear, as a witness, to attest to the ownership of the computers. The accused went through 8 lawyers, over the course of 7 hearings, the last of which turned into his pleading guilty. He then "threw himself on the mercy of the court" asking for an absolute discharge, "...as having a criminal record would curtail his ability to travel to the United States, on business, causing hardship for his employees and family." In his ruling the judge said words to the effect that the accused didn't seem to care what sort of hardship was inflicted upon the witnesses, through his multiple hearings. He then sentenced him to (I think it was) 18 months.

Aside #1 - When his final lawyer asked to have a word with me, in private, The Crown said that I was under no obligation to do so. I said that I had no issue with it. After our brief discussion he didn't look very happy.

EDIT - By "he" I meant the defence attorney. The Crown was female (and smoking hot).

Aside #2 - When I was on the stand, the defence lawyer tried to get me to say that it was possible that the serial number stickers had been swapped and they weren't actually the stolen computers. The way that he went about it resulted in the judge shutting him down, asking the question directly himself, and my answer was, "Yes, they could be removed, but they would be destroyed in the process. The Crown later commended me for how I presented myself to the court.

Aside #3 - The investigators later told me this guy had been on their radar for about 5 years, but they had never been able to tie enough to him for an arrest, until now.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

My favorite from the article is number 5

That one made me think of my first solo criminal case.

My defendant was charged with a drug offense- his first run-in with the law- and was trying to get into a rehab program. To do that, he had to plead guilty. Simple, right? Since it was my first solo, my boss gave me a script to work with.

Everything was going according to plan until the judge asked the defendant whether he had anything else to say.

“Well, Your Honor, I really want to get into that rehab program, which is why I pled guilty. But…the drug in the indictment isn’t the one I was caught with. I had (drug), not (drug with similar name).”

The ADA looked…and it was true. That would be reversible error, which would get my client out of jail, but not into the rehab…and he really wanted into that program.

So the ADA went back to his office to redraft the indictment. When we were summoned back to court, we had a different judge.

The new judge, aware of the situation, reached under the bench to grab his PDR to check the drug in the indictment was correct. It wasn’t- the ADA had combined the first half of the name of one drug with the last half of the name of another drug, created a drug name that didn’t exist.

The judge gave the ADA the hairy eyeball; my client was taken back to holding. The ADA and I went back to his office, where I watched him redraft the indictment again, this time copying the drug letter by letter as I watched over his shoulder. But it wasn’t now time for the lunch break.

After that, we get a THIRD judge. He is angry because a lot of his docket rescheduled to the afternoon bEcAuSe It WaS rAiNiNg, so his courtroom was jam packed and chaotic.

A little person who was a veteran defense attorney strutted in, “Hey, judge! Where am I on your docket?”

“You’ll be last if you don’t shut up!”

“Shutting up.”

…at which point my case was called.

“I heard about this case. It’s one of the most messed up cases I’ve seen in all my years on the bench!” He checked his PDR; the drug name was correct. So the case started…and my script was missing.

This immediately threw me off with a bad case of nerves. I couldn’t remember anything. The ADA is feeding me my lines soto voce like a stage manager to a forgetful actor. I’m leaning on the witness stand enclosure to keep from falling over.

And my client, shackled and in an orange jail jumpsuit shuffled over to me and said, “You’re doing a good job! Keep on going!”

(Soooooo embarrassing.)

But we DID get his guilty plea successfully entered, clearing the path to admission into the rehab program.

 

[RealAlHazred]

That one made me think of my first solo criminal case.

My defendant was charged with a drug offense- his first run-in with the law- and was trying to get into a rehab program. To do that, he had to plead guilty. Simple, right? Since it was my first solo, my boss gave me a script to work with.

Everything was going according to plan until the judge asked the defendant whether he had anything else to say.

“Well, Your Honor, I really want to get into that rehab program, which is why I pled guilty. But…the drug in the indictment isn’t the one I was caught with. I had (drug), not (drug with similar name).”

The ADA looked…and it was true. That would be reversible error, which would get my client out of jail, but not into the rehab…and he really wanted into that program.

So the ADA went back to his office to redraft the indictment. When we were summoned back to court, we had a different judge.

The new judge, aware of the situation, reached under the bench to grab his PDR to check the drug in the indictment was correct. It wasn’t- the ADA had combined the first half of the name of one drug with the last half of the name of another drug, created a drug name that didn’t exist.

The judge gave the ADA the hairy eyeball; my client was taken back to holding. The ADA and I went back to his office, where I watched him redraft the indictment again, this time copying the drug letter by letter as I watched over his shoulder. But it wasn’t now time for the lunch break.

After that, we get a THIRD judge. He is angry because a lot of his docket rescheduled to the afternoon bEcAuSe It WaS rAiNiNg, so his courtroom was jam packed and chaotic.

A little person who was a veteran defense attorney strutted in, “Hey, judge! Where am I on your docket?”

“You’ll be last if you don’t shut up!”

“Shutting up.”

…at which point my case was called.

“I heard about this case. It’s one of the most messed up cases I’ve seen in all my years on the bench!” He checked his PDR; the drug name was correct. So the case started…and my script was missing.

This immediately threw me off with a bad case of nerves. I couldn’t remember anything. The ADA is feeding me my lines soto voce like a stage manager to a forgetful actor. I’m leaning on the witness stand enclosure to keep from falling over.

And my client, shackled and in an orange jail jumpsuit shuffled over to me and said, “You’re doing a good job! Keep on going!”

(Soooooo embarrassing.)

But we DID get his guilty plea successfully entered, clearing the path to admission into the rehab program.

I mean, if I'm that guy, I'd be torn. On the one hand, correcting the would mean everything would go according to the plan I want to follow. But... if I don't say anything, is it possible the whole thing could get thrown out when the error is later pointed out?

Really, if it was me (and it wouldn't be, because I'm way too paranoid to put any drug in my body not manufactured by a known somebody with deep pockets) I would have probably said something to my lawyer before I got on the stand.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I mean, if I'm that guy, I'd be torn. On the one hand, correcting the would mean everything would go according to the plan I want to follow. But... if I don't say anything, is it possible the whole thing could get thrown out when the error is later pointed out?

Really, if it was me (and it wouldn't be, because I'm way too paranoid to put any drug in my body not manufactured by a known somebody with deep pockets) I would have probably said something to my lawyer before I got on the stand.

That’s the thing.

As far as I could tell, this guy DEEPLY and PROFOUNDLY felt he’d messed up with the drugs, and wanted to get back to his previous normal life. And his insistence on speaking up to correct a legal error like that was a pretty good indicator of his sincerity. I can’t think of anyone else I’ve encountered who so obviously wanted a do-over and was prepared to do what it took to get one.

I don’t know how he did in rehab, and I’m unlikely to ever find out. But I’d have bet on him at that time to make a strong go at it.

 

[Gradine]

As always, there's a Dropout clip for that:

A Defendant Stupidly Interrupting His Lawyer's Closing Remarks

Zac Oyama, master of restraint. #shorts #gamechanger #makesomenoiseWatch a few full episodes of Game Changer here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuK...

www.youtube.com

 

[overgeeked]

At least when people start threads promoting terrible people I get to add a bunch of names to my ignore list. It's really depressing how elfgames are more important to some than real people's lives and rights.

 

[Gradine]

At least when people start threads promoting terrible people I get to add a bunch of names to my ignore list. It's really depressing how elfgames are more important to some than real people's lives and rights.

I saw this post before I saw the thread in question, and I still managed to guess exactly which game it would be about.