Pineapple Express: Someone Is Wrong on the Internet?

[Scribe]

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Here - Clown tier.

Work - I do not care how upset you are that YOU failed to send me data. Yes, if I am working the weekend, odds are good you are too.

I just want to go to the gym folks, my asks are not unreasonable.

 

[Maxperson]

Or, better yet, “Okay your PC is dead. Please gather your stuff and leave immediately.” I cannot stand whiny players who’re bad sports. If you can’t be bothered to at least try to make the best of bad die rolls then you have no place at the table. The dice will frequently go against you. If your imagination is so limited that “screw it, jump off a bridge” is the only thing you can think off, then these kinds of games are just not for you.

We were 14. This wasn't what was going to happen then.

 

[RealAlHazred]

Or, better yet, “Okay your PC is dead. Please gather your stuff and leave immediately.” I cannot stand whiny players who’re bad sports. If you can’t be bothered to at least try to make the best of bad die rolls then you have no place at the table. The dice will frequently go against you. If your imagination is so limited that “screw it, jump off a bridge” is the only thing you can think off, then these kinds of games are just not for you.

Just because you have your character unalive themselves, does not mean you get to leave the vicinity of my odious personality! How dare you! My odious personality pervades all Time and Space! I'm like the Lovecraftian Demiurge of Unpleasant Persons!

 

[Ryujin]

Rocks fall, but you don’t die.

Low bridge. Shallow river. You miscalculated.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

And usually someone else has to approve the change.

Many years ago my cell phone company changed insurance carriers and I guess they had to inform their customers of what the new coverages would be, because I received a 30-40 page booklet in the mail. I dutifully tossed it onto my desk and forgot about it. Fast forward a few months and I'm sitting at my desk bored out of my mind, not feeling like playing any of my computer games and having nothing else to do. It's a testament to the state of my boredom that I looked at that booklet and thought, "I'm really bored, let me read about my phone insurance coverage."

The coverages started out pretty normal. I was covered for fire, theft, breakage, loss, etc. Then it went on to tell me that I wasn't covered if I gave it away, or if the FBI confiscated it. A few pages later, though, it got really strange. I was reading down the page and it said, "Your phone is not covered if it is destroyed in a nuclear explosion..." I paused to take that statement in, then kept reading and it continued, "...unless the nuclear explosion starts a fire and the fire destroys the phone." Because of course then I would be covered as it was lost in a fire.

All I could do was stare at that sentence and think two things. First, given the proximity of my phone to my person at all times, it wouldn't matter if it were destroyed directly or indirectly by that nuclear blast. They wouldn't need to worry about me filing a claim. Second, not only did someone have to think that up and think it was a good idea to put into the book, but at least one other person had to read and approve it.

I really can't think that there would be very many situations where a nuclear explosion happened and the phone was far enough away from the owner for that person to be in any condition to file a claim that phone was lost in a fire instead of directly.

Now I’m imagining your survival and the subsequent call.

“Wait times are higher than average. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line.”
hold music plays

Someone nearby, “You’re getting signal?”

 

[Scribe]