Quitting a group & starting anew..ground rules?

[Steel_Wind]

9. Nobody is a 'permanent' member of the group. Anyone, including the DM, can be 'voted out' at any time. Nothing personal. It's just gaming.

This is WAAAAY over the top. If I got something which included this is my mailbox - the person who sent it would find himself gaming with someone else lickety split.

Yes, it's gaming. It's also supposed to be having fun with your friends. The day it stops being about that is the day you ought not to be gaming.

It's not that the substance of this is not true; it's just that it is sooo in your face that I wold really have to question the confrontational nature of the person writing it. That just isn't somebody I want to be spending time with.

 

[Emirikol]

>Yes, it's gaming. It's also supposed to be having fun with your friends. The day it stops being about that is the day you ought not to be gaming.

Sort of. The day it stops being about that is the day THE OTHER GUY ought not to be gaming because he caused it.

jh


..

 

[farscapesg1]

This is WAAAAY over the top. If I got something which included this is my mailbox - the person who sent it would find himself gaming with someone else lickety split.

Yes, it's gaming. It's also supposed to be having fun with your friends. The day it stops being about that is the day you ought not to be gaming.

It's not that the substance of this is not true; it's just that it is sooo in your face that I wold really have to question the confrontational nature of the person writing it. That just isn't somebody I want to be spending time with.

If the substance is true, what is so wrong with just saying it upfront? Why does it have to be an "unspoken" rule? You can still have fun, but within a set of rules/parameters that everyone agrees on.

I think this goes to the differences in people. Some just don't like being told what they can and can't do, while others prefer a nice set of guidelines to follow. The first complain because they got a traffic ticket for rolling through a stop sign when there was no one else around. The second looks at the rules/law and comes to a complete stop, looks both ways, and then continues on thier way.

 

[kenobi65]

Having looked at the ad you posted, I wonder if that's not part of your problem.

Having now also read your questionnaire, I think that might be part of your problem too. Quite a few of your "responses" are really complete strawmen...responses so ludicrously over-the-top that you really can't expect anyone to actually select them (though I'm sure you wouldn't want anyone who *would* choose them in your group).

For example....

10. When I’ve had a bad week at work or in my relationship or I’m really tired from work, I typically do the following:
· Call ahead and cancel if I just won’t be any use that night.
· Come anyways and try to game.
· Come to the game and vent my psychological problems on everyone, get drunk and try to make sure that my misery is the center of everyone’s attention and then fall asleep.
· Skip and don’t bother the group with an annoying call

Now, I'm guessing that you've had problems with people doing #3 and #4, and that's why you have this question in here. Do you really think anyone will legitimately pick either of these, given the obvious slant of the responses?

 

[Steel_Wind]

For the same reason that this unspoken rule governs each and every relationship we have in our day-to-day lives: it is unspoken for a reason.

It governs our friendships our love life and our marriages; it also applies to our employment, where we buy our coffee, eat our lunch and which newspaper we buy or TV show we watch.

But you don't begin a marriage by saying : "I do - until I deem you to be a bitch". You don't start a friendship by saying: "let's do *this* together - until I don't enjoy your company anymore".

You DO do that with an employer, because the relationship is based upon contract, not upon affection. It is an economic relationship, not a social one.

This turns what ought to be a matter of social respect, friendship and comaraderie into a formal contract.

That may be the way you govern and form your personal relationships, but I find it needlessly confrontational and boorish behaviour and contrary to the societal norms under which most of us live and participate.

 

[Imret]

Some just don't like being told what they can and can't do, while others prefer a nice set of guidelines to follow. The first complain because they got a traffic ticket for rolling through a stop sign when there was no one else around. The second looks at the rules/law and comes to a complete stop, looks both ways, and then continues on thier way.

Or, potentially, some people prefer to be given something bordering on the benefit of the doubt. This is not "rolling through a stop sign" vs. "perfect road procedure"; this is the cop walking up as you put the keys in the ignition, shining his flashlight in your eyes, and asking "You're gonna run a stop sign, aren't you? I know you're gonna run a stop sign because others have run stop signs. Convince me you're not gonna run a stop sign before I let you drive off."

 

[The_Universe]

Others have said it in more detail, but a good way to think about the above is this:

When unspoken rules and mores for behavior fail, it times to speak them. There are those who will take umbrage at your spoken rules, but their problem, despite their claims, is not with the fact that they have been enumerated, but that they exist in the first place. If the rules are explicit, they can no longer be avoided - and this is really the problem.

By all means, try to operate under the "don't be an ass" standard. I've found that it fails, and that people, lacking specific guidance, are asses. It is for this reason that human society does not exist in a utopic anarchy, and gaming groups don't either.

 

[DonTadow]

Yeah, that works as long as everyone participates. In our group, only a couple of us did that when we tried it. Now we just order pizza or the DM buys/makes something before we game.

I used to cook sunday meals for my group and asked them to bring pops and such. With the original group it worked great, but then as some left and newbies came some began only bringing drinks for themselves. It got to the point where I was upset because some wouldn't even do that. YOu're right, everyone has to be in on it if you're going to do it. I thought about reinitating the sunday meal, but with two vegitarians in the group I think I'll hold off on it.

 

[IcyCool]

Emrikol, aside from the questionnaire portion of #1, and the entirety of rule #7 (we're a bit more laid back), all of those rules need to be used in my group. They won't be used, because that would, of course, leave no problems to complain about.

-Icy (4 more games sessions to go until I'm done DMing for this group! Yay!)

 

[Kahuna Burger]

When unspoken rules and mores for behavior fail, it times to speak them. There are those who will take umbrage at your spoken rules, but their problem, despite their claims, is not with the fact that they have been enumerated, but that they exist in the first place. If the rules are explicit, they can no longer be avoided - and this is really the problem.

No, actually, my problem is with the enumeration and more specificly the very bad attitude permeating it. How about you stick to expressing your own ideas and not trying to strawman other people. (aka, lying to make your point look better.)