So...am I evil??

[GreyLord]

Thank you for your sympathies, and the compliment.

Regarding your situation, we each do what we can for the people we love. Unfortunately, life doesn't give us encounters balanced against our emotional, physical or financial capabilities. If you did everything you could bear to do, then you did enough. Wishing you could have done more is, I think, normal. Even in my situation, I wish there was more I could have done. I wish I could have spotted his decline earlier. I wish I could've been more motivating, and convinced him to keep doing the physical therapy he needed to not become completely bed-ridden.

And believe me, I did consider a living facility for him. However, he once told me he would rather die than go to one of those places. Also, we didn't have the financial wherewithal for him to go to one (they would have taken his pension and social security benefits as payment for his care, most of those places do that) without my becoming homeless. Fortunately, he had a bit of savings, and he always taught me to be frugal. Dad passed well before his savings ran out; from the time I had to leave my job to care for him until he passed was only about 5 months (the longest 5 months of my life, and likely of his as well, but that's a mercy compared to him hanging on for years). Had he outlived his savings however, the only option I came up with that would've obeyed his wishes was for me to shoot him (and then myself, because I'm not going to prison for doing the right thing).

I have chronic depression issues (and I've been intermittently contemplating suicide for the past 25 years, though it's been coming with more increased frequency over the past decade). My home situation at the time certainly didn't help my depression any, so I was ready to leave life behind if it came to that. I'm glad it didn't come to that, if only because I'm glad dad got to pass with someone he loved holding his hand and trying to say soothing things to him, instead of with a loved one pointing a .45 at his chest.

Once again my condolences.

You probably already know this, but in case you don't and you have a time when you are suicidal...I understand this is a National Suicide Line that you can call before you ever make a decision as fateful as that.

1-800-273-8255

And not just you, but anyone, if you ever feel you are at the end of your rope or the end of the road and have nothing else, call before taking any drastic actions. I hope that somehow and someway you can feel better in the future and the suicidal feelings you have decrease in their frequency in the coming years.

 

[Eltab]

And to think this started out as a thread about a dad's hatred of 4th.

After reading the nonsense and insults and self-righteous moral superiority being aimed at the RPG community in the 'Oriental Adventures' thread, being reminded over here that RPG players are caring and supportive of each other, is a refreshing change.

 

[nightwind1]

Wow, hiding someone's car counts as a pretty mild practical joke IME, folks around here must think it grounds for execution if they get this upset about putting your kids books in storage and filling their shelf with new ones.

No, hiding someone's car is grand theft auto, and is grounds for arrest in every jurisdiction I'm aware of.

 

[happyhermit]

No, hiding someone's car is grand theft auto, and is grounds for arrest in every jurisdiction I'm aware of.

First of all, when you assume everyone is an American you are often wrong. I suppose one could call the police to arrest their mother and father for moving their car from their driveway down the street as a practical joke. Maybe in the U.S. the police would arrest them, maybe they would even be convicted of "grand theft auto" (if they aren't convicted then it isn't actually that crime is it?), here the police would not consider it.

Personally, I would rather just laugh and be happy with my family and friends rather than involve the courts. I can always talk to them about how things affect my feelings and where my boundaries are because we don't have the kinds of relationships that would lead to accusations of crimes for things that cause no real harm.

 

[nightwind1]

First of all, when you assume everyone is an American you are often wrong. I suppose one could call the police to arrest their mother and father for moving their car from their driveway down the street as a practical joke. Maybe in the U.S. the police would arrest them, maybe they would even be convicted of "grand theft auto" (if they aren't convicted then it isn't actually that crime is it?), here the police would not consider it.

Personally, I would rather just laugh and be happy with my family and friends rather than involve the courts. I can always talk to them about how things affect my feelings and where my boundaries are because we don't have the kinds of relationships that would lead to accusations of crimes for things that cause no real harm.

If someone drives my car without my permission, that's theft.

 

[Gardens & Goblins]

If someone drives my car without my permission, that's theft.

Unless its my mate Dave. Because you know Dave, he's a jerk.

But we still love him. And he does make us laugh.

Well, to be honest, he's a good friend who's very good at being a jerk.

Still going to thump him..

Hmm. But we're not going to have him arrested. That would be silly.

Anyway, these lofty equestrian antics leave little room for japes and cheer. Shall we depart, sensible gentlemen and curs!?

 

[happyhermit]

If someone drives my car without my permission, that's theft.

Sure, the world is black and white. If your child or parent takes your shoes without your permission and moves them, that's theft. As long as you're happy, you do you, but I would appreciate just being left out of this at this point there is nothing to be gained here and already way too much negativity IMO.

 

[GreyLord]

Well, on the topic of disappearing cars...

There was this time that my son drove my car when he was around 16 and took me to the store and said he'd wait for me to come out. Well...When I came out he was there...but had locked the doors and then he took off right in front of me. Even smiled and waved as he drove off.

I was left there in the parking lot wondering how I was getting home with the groceries.

Then he came back around after circling the block and let me in. At the time I was just wondering "now what" in regards to having the groceries and getting home.

We found it a great joke...laughed...and kidded each other...then we got home and I grounded him ever driving again...

Just kidding....

I did threaten to ground him from driving my car if he ever did that to me again though...which he did...and I never followed up on doing it to him...as long as he always remembered to come back and not leave me stranded...

 

[MarkB]

So to summarize the situation, there were two options:

A.) Dad tells his son that he can't stand playing 4E anymore because it's crushing his soul and walks away from the game, leaving his son without anyone to play with.

or

B.) Dad tells his son that he can't stand playing 4E anymore because it's crushing his soul and walks away from the game, but Dad buys son hundreds of dollars of books from a new system and says "But I think you'd have a lot of fun with us if you just try this out."

This thread is about a Dad who chose option B. There was some grandstanding in there for dramatic effect, but I don't really think it changed the situation much.

Those aren't the only options. I suggested another, but the one that really comes to mind is "Dad talks to son, explains his position, and offers to work with son to find a solution for both of them."

 

[MechaPilot]

Mechapilot, I feel you. My dad died from the same disease. It has been 6 years and so can still hear his voice ringing in my ears " don't let them take me" when I envoked the power of attorney to get him in a hospital as they took away. I figured the hospital would patch him up, I could get him in a facility that would help better than his 30 year old son with no support, but over the course of the week he got worse and passed on. I blame myself every day. No one I know understands this ( not even my wife...we married 4 years after his passing, he never got to meet her). But I carry on and so do you, every day is a new opportunity. Dad taught me that.

And to think this started out as a thread about a dad's hatred of 4th.

I carry on mostly because I have a mother who may one day need me as my father did. The last time I seriously contemplated suicide, it was only my obligation to my parents (who did for me when I couldn't do for myself, and who deserve the same in kind) that kept me from doing it. One down now. One to go. And she's diabetic with a history of heart attacks. I don't expect her to be around for more than the next five years. After that, well, who knows. There's always that one last grand adventure waiting for all of us.