"....so we tossed the jerk out...."

[rgard]

I am freezing out a player this week. This is the second time I've done this in 30 years.

<SNIP>

This time it's a little different.

On the surface the guy is okay, if a little flakey. He has some odd opinions, but who amongst us doesn't? But he is Mister Passive-Aggressive. "Well, if you guys don't want to play (fill in the blank style) of game, that's fine, but that's going to force me to reschedule my entire world to fit in with it, both in terms of lifestyle and work schedule, but if it's what you want..." (many pouty noises). He also critiques everyone else's characters, showing how they are not "in the spirit of the game", which is quite amazing since his characters always feel the most out of step. He also is involved in an on-line cooperative story writing group with the wife of one of our players and caused a huge ruckus there because everyone was "changing the setting we agreed on" (read: he entered a cooperative group, and then determined that "cooperative" meant "everyone plays in my world by my rules").

The breaking point has come, oddly enough, over how he is raising his child. The kid is a bit over a year old. He refuses to have her vaccinated against anything (apparently this has something to do with his very much mix-and-match religion) and has had to change doctors three times because the doctors have gotten angry with him. At a year the child has not even attempted to walk and doesn't even engage in basic verbalizations. He draws all the blinds at the house, never takes the child outside unless the poor kid is covered head to toe and then placed inside a totally screened-in buggy. He was amazed one time when I went over to his house and the kid actually giggled when I gave her tummy blurps -- apparently he never really interacts with her and was amazed at her reactions...

So we are not only freezing him out of the game but actually calling Child Protective Services on him.

This is scary...

I had no idea Michael Jackson played D&D!

 

[rgard]

Last sunday, a guy showed up and told everyone he was changing his character's sex to male, because he didn't want to play a female anymore. I (the DM) said no, unless he found a spell or item to do that then he would be staying female. He said he would leave if I didn't let him change. I said see you later. Now at this point an adult (he's 30+ years old) would have said, alright let's play. Instead the player decided to call me a few "choice" words, to which I said he should stop whining. That set him off, and he threatened to "find me in a dark alley." That's right, he threatened to beat me up because I wouldn't let him change his character's sex. Now I am in no way averted to a good scrap, sorry to those who find it "immature" and "barbaric" but I'll fight if necessary. You threaten me or my family, and it's go time. I told him I'd knock out the rest of his teeth. Luckily for one of us he was stopped as he tried to come around the table at me.

After he left we had the best session we'd had in ages, and everyone had a blast. I mean it was like the perfect session. There were no rules arguments, no fits about bad die rolls, and no out of game talk that didn't involve the group as a whole. I do regret losing the player as when he's being reasonable he is pretty fun to game with. His friends at the game (I've never considered him a friend, because I can't stand his behavior) are used to seeing him throw fits. Hell he's even pulled a knife on the home owner before, but they keep giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Not "immature" or "barbaric" in any sense. I'll do the same thing under the same circumstances.

Thanks,
Rich

 

[rgard]

I've posted this before, but it never really gets old...

One of my players (well-thought-of RPG industry freelancer, the late Nigel Findley) asked if he could bring a friend from work to our weekly game. My near-instant response: "Certainly!" (more players cut from Nigel's cloth would add to the group immeasurably).

Due to circumstances beyond his control, Nigel was unable to attend or get ahold of his work-friend to tell him. So the guy shows up anyway. No problem so far.

We invite him in, get him a coffee, and let him play the character of a guy who had just recently left the group (A Were-tiger). The system was GURPS. This is where we join the story....

Dramatis Personae

• Fraser: Playing a Human mercenary
• Ian: Playing a Human wizard
• Mike: playing an elf bard.
• Myself: Playing the frustrated GM
• El Creepo: Playing the Were-Tiger.

Teflon Billy: Ok, so you guys are in the tavern where we ended last session, as you are sitting at the table...

El Creepo: Is there a serving wench around?

Teflon billy: Um, sure. "what would you like stranger?"

El Creepo: I'd like your company for the evening. I am a very wealthy man.

Fraser: Does that gnome who was here last week still want to sell us a potion?

Teflon Billy: You don't see him aroun...

El Creepo: What is her answer?

Teflon Billy: Huh? Oh, she laughs and mentions that her husband, the hostler, would likely have a thing or two to say about that.

El Creepo: Hrrmmm

Mike: Ok, so what are we going to do about the head in the box we found? It claims it's the rightful ruler of Cros Mogmun right? Do we believe it?

Ian: Well, I don't. But I think we should try and...

El Creepo: Where did the serving wench go after we spoke?

Teflon Billy: Upstairs, said she was calling it a night and thanked you for your patronage.

Mike: I give her an extra gold piece and tell her "the pleasure was all mine" and give her a sly bardic wink.

Fraser: Anyway, we should definitely get that gnome to...

El Creepo: I'm heading upstairs.

Teflon Billy: For what?

El Creepo: How long does it take me to get up there?

Teflon Billy: Not long, less than a minute, it's only a three story building.

El Creepo: Can I use my tracking to find out where the wench went?

Teflon Billy: (pause) okaaaaaay......(rolls some dice) she's in the third room on the third floor.

El Creepo: I'm going there.

Ian (puzzled) What's up?

El Creepo: I'll knock on her door.

Teflon Billy: She answers and asks "what do you want?"

El Creepo: I push my way into her room and explain to her again that I want her for the night.

Teflon Billy: (getting pretty fed with this guy already and we aren't 2 minutes into the game) Yeah, well...she explains again that she is a married woman, and while she is very flattered, she is simply not interested. Get me?

El Creepo: Well, what she's interested in means very little to me. (gestures to his character sheet) Am I this strong without switching to my tiger-form? How do I make a roll to grab her?

Teflon Billy: What?

El CreepoI'm going to try and pin her down. Can I do that with one hand so that I have the other one free?

*Disbelief all around the table*

Fraser: I'm rolling danger sense...

Ian: I'm preparing a fireball starting now...

Mike: I load a silver bolt into my hand crossbow...

Teflon Billy: (rolls dice) Danger upstairs! Third Floor! Third Room!

My Guys: a ton of babble translating as "we charge upstairs"

El Creepo: Can they react like that? They don't know what's happening up here.

Teflon Billy: You grapple the serving girl easily enough...she draws a knife from her bodice and makes a called shot stab to the vitals (rolls dice) well, she hit.

El Creepo: Only silver can hurt me...

Teflon Billy: No, silver damage doesn't regenerate, but you still take the wounds. In this case, 3 for her roll, tripled for impaling to the vitals is 9.

El Creepo: Well, I'm still up. I guess I'll have to kill her...she should've just cooperated.

Teflon Billy: *shakes head and grumbles* Make your roll.

*She is badly injured, but still up*

Teflon Billy: Gentlemen, you arrive...

El Creepo: That seemed awfully quick

Fraser: Tough !

Ian: I unleash my fireball at him (El Creepo's character is burned for a lot of damage…added to the knife wound he is pretty banged up).

Mike: I'll send a silver bolt into his torso (The damage is not huge, but is non-healable)

El Creepo: What are you guys doing!!!????

*Silence + glares*

Teflon Billy: You're up

El Creepo: I jump out the window!

Teflon Billy: Ok, make a jump roll (he fails) damage to both his legs breaks one, sprains the other and puts him unconscious.

*Silence*

Teflon Billy: Well...that was fcuked up!

* A confused babble erupts where El Creepo claims that he was told we were mature and could handle mature themes*

Unbelievable to me to this day!

• We had never met this guy before
• His first action upon meeting us was to try and roleplay out a rape scene
• He started this basically as I said "you all meet in a tavern"
• he was going to do this in the presence of someone he worked with!

It's one of the few times in my gaming life when I actually "hit the reset button", announcing that none of that had happened and calling the game for that week.

Yuck. I'm reading these in the order they were posted and this one is the most disturbing so far.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

I'm telling you, if you've not seen the eye-scalding horrors on the Creepiest Gamer thread on rpg.net, you've not seen anything yet.

 

[sniffles]

Ah, but you see, if you like the people you game with, then petty trifles like that are brushed aside. Those things, at least as far as I'm concerned, only become points of condemnation when the person is already being a jerk. It's like the rancid cherry on the crap sundae, know what I mean?

Speaking of windiness, gotta share this....One day, I'm surfing the net, and there's the usual stupid news items about celebrities and all. My wife was on one of our computers, and I'm on the other. I read some news item, some BS like "J-Lo released a new fragrance today", upon which I turn to my wife and say "Check it out, hon...J-Lo released a new fragrance, I guess that's what rich and famous people call it when they break wind!" I can see it now... "StupidSmurf released a new fragrance today, which he promptly named 'Rice and beans from two hours ago'. Stupid looks forward to releasing more fragrances later, if this one proves popular."

OK, this potty humor break was NOT brought to you by Beano

LOL! OMG, LOL!!

<snip>We took a break. Calculated experience.

Levelled *Twice*.

We nodded and smiled.

We went to the next room. There was a sleeping woman. I detected great evil about her. I went to wake her up; Scott said "It's like a twentieth level monk. She'll kill you if you do."

The barbarian coup-de-graced her.

We levelled again. <snip>

So you were being DM'd by Dave from Knights of the Dinner Table!?

 

[VirgilCaine]

Yuck. I'm reading these in the order they were posted and this one is the most disturbing so far.

There's one much worse than that.

 

[Chaldfont]

I moved to California for the year of 2003 when my wife took a job out there. Without a job, local friends or family, I was pretty hungry for some social gaming. So I joined a weekly game at an FLGS. That's where I got my big introduction to what a Rules Lawyer is really like.

* This guy would complain and harass you if you didn't take what he considered "optimal" character choices. This was especially annoying to the less-experienced gamers in the group.
* Any plan that wasn't his was destined to automatically fail (in his not-so humble opinion).
* He would get mad at me when I did not offer up character knowledge when my character was absent or unconscious.
* He would halt the game for long periods of time while he told the DM how something should be ruled.

The best bit was when he and this other player (both paralegals) roleplayed a court room scene where their PCs tried to defend the party in a trial ruled by the lords of Homlet in RttToEE. They used concepts like due process, double jeopardy, right to a fair trial, and innocent until proven guilty in a D&D court run by a high-level former adventurer wizard!

 

[VirgilCaine]

The best bit was when he and this other player (both paralegals) roleplayed a court room scene where their PCs tried to defend the party in a trial ruled by the lords of Homlet in RttToEE. They used concepts like due process, double jeopardy, right to a fair trial, and innocent until proven guilty in a D&D court run by a high-level former adventurer wizard!

I wouldn't consider those concepts completely alien to high medieval real world courts, if phrased correctly. In a fantasy world with deities of law and order, more advanced jurisprudence such as this might not be out of place. Good deities might promote concepts like responsible government and properly funcitoning judicial systems.

 

[BWP]

I'm telling you, if you've not seen the eye-scalding horrors on the Creepiest Gamer thread on rpg.net, you've not seen anything yet.

I don't know about "eye-scalding", but after a couple of pages it turned into "firewall-blocking" here at work. I was given a count of the various words being cited as causing the page to be blocked. I've seen less explicit porn pages!

 

[BWP]

That's where I got my big introduction to what a Rules Lawyer is really like.

That's not "rules lawyer" behaviour, with the possible exception of the game-halting-while-advising-the-DM bit. The rest of it is simply appalling manners and lack of consideration (and the end bit about the court is called "ignorance"). Please don't badmouth innocent rules lawyers by tarring them with this sort of brush!