The "Favorite Simpsons Quotes" thread.

[Villano]

On one Halloween Episode Homer's horoscope said he'd die and as he is driving down the street a pickaxe falls off of the truck in front of him and hits him in the head.

"Stupid flooropope."

That episode has a couple of good ones:

Homer: Oooh, my horoscope. (reading) "Taurus: Today you will die."
Marge: What?!!
Homer: "... and you may get a compliment from an attractive co-worker!"...Lenny?
Lisa: It really says "die"? That's unusually specific for a horoscope.
Marge (takes paper): Maybe I better check mine. (reading) "Today your husband will die."

 

[Kesh]

Groundskeeper Willie: (during a Halloween episode) "Don't worry lad, I'll save ye!
(gets an axe in the back from another character, and dies for the third time this episode while trying to save Bart)
"Och, I'm bad at this!"

 

[der_kluge]

From the Harry Potter spoof -

Bart conjures up something resembling a Bullywug, that constantly vomits
Bullywug: Every moment I live is torture.

I like Ralph's comment that PC mentions above -
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

The episode where the kids get taken by social services.

Marge: We're gone for a few hours only to come back to find that they have been taken by social services?!
Abe: B1tch, B1tch, B1tch!

 

[Dark Jezter]

*Lisa approaches Comic Book Guy (who is wearing a viking helmet and a shirt that says Dungeon Master) on bus*
Lisa: "Can I sit next to you?"
Comic Book Guy: "You may sit next to me if you can answer these questions three. Question the first..."
Lisa: Never mind.

*Homer is pretending to be somebody else to get Barney to take his snowplow to a mountain top*
Homer: "There's a ten thousand dollar bill in it for you."
Barney: "Oh yeah? Which president is on it?"
Homer: "Uhh... all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch."

Kent Brockman: I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords.

*Human race has been enslaved by alien overlords*
Marge: "I don't know why we have to build a death ray to shoot at a planet I've never even heard of."
Homer: "Don't blame me; I voted for Kodos."

 

[Alzrius]

An amendment and some kid speak and sing on a cartoon that tries to make learning fun, replacing Itcy & Scratchy:

"Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"
"I'm not garbage:
I'm an amendment to be
Yes an amendment to be
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me!
There's a lot of flag-burners
Who have got too much freedom
And I wanna make it legal
For policement to beat 'em
Cause there's limits to our liberty!
At least I hope and pray that there are
Cause those liberal freaks go too far!"
"But why can't we just make a law against flag-burning?"
"Because that law would be unconstitutional, but if we change the Constitution-"
"Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!"
"Now you're talking!"
"But what if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?"
"Then I'll crush all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back
I'll say that he's gaaay!"

 

[Tallok]

what about "can't sleep. clowns will eat me" that's always a fun one, but there are too many to remember me favorites

 

[BrooklynKnight]

Homer No body cuddles with Max Powers, you just strap yourself on (pelvic thrusts) and feel the cheese.



(something like that )

Gees!

As in G's
as in Gravity!

OY!

 

[Hypersmurf]

One that crops up regularly in our gaming sessions comes from the following exchange...

PR WOMAN: "Because we care about mother earth, all our newspapers contain a percentage of recycled paper."
LISA: "What percent?"
PR WOMAN: "Zero."
(Lisa gives her a nasty look.)
PR WOMAN: "Zero's a percent!"

So, when someone asks "Would I be able to jump off the wall, lasso the dragon in midair, and swing up onto its back?", the answer is invariably "Well... there's a percentage chance..."

-Hyp.

 

[Datt]

Another one of my favs:

Hotel Guy/Resturant Guy/lots of others: YES? YES. YES!

 

[Tauric]

I just remembered some more of my favorites, both my Groundskeeper Willy:

"Shut up, ya bunch of cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!"

"Oh, ya talk like a poet, but ya punch like one too!"