DM: Gandalf, don't you have a message for Aragorn?
PC1: Oh yeah. Here. *hands PC2 a note in the DM's handwriting."
PC2: (reads the note): Dude, this is all flavor text. What's a Dune-dain? Who's Elessar? Whatever. *crumples up the note*
PC3: Okay, whatever. Let's just head to Meduseld. These tights are starting to chafe.
PC2: Medu-wha?
PC3: Rohan.
PC2: Rowho?
PC3: The place with the horses.
PC2: Oh yeah.
PC1: I don't have a horse.
PC4: I don't have a horse either. I'll just sit behind the elf.
PC3: Dude, watch where you're putting those hands.
DM: Okay, so you mount up and prepare to head across the plains of Rohan.
PC1: I said I don't have a horse! Can I just call one or something? *fumbles through his character sheet* I have 16 ranks in wilderness lore.
DM: Wha? How'd you get those?
PC1: I told you, I dual classed into druid.
PC2: We're playing 3rd editon.
PC1: Right, whatever. Multiclassed. And I have some levels in paladin, so I can call a horse, right?
DM: Okay, fine, whatever. You whistle and a horse runs up to you.
PC3: Wow, how'd you whistle like that? Is that a feat?
PC1: No, but because of all those wizard levels, can I make this my familiar so he can command other horses?
DM: Whatever. You ride on to Rohan and are greeted at the entrance by a group of guards. They tell you that by order of Wormtongue, no weapons are permitted inside.
PC4: Heh...Wangtongue
DM: Wormtongue. Anyway, the guards try to take your weapons.
PC2: No way. This is a +4 sword.
DM: *glares*
PC2: Er..umm..*reads from his character sheet* In this elvish sheath dwells the Blade that was Broken and has been made again. Telchar first wrought it in the deeps of time. Death shall come to any man that draws Elendil's sword save Elendil's heir.
PC4: Woah! I want some flavor text. All I do is fall down.
DM: That's nice roleplaying, but you don't have your sword back yet.
PC2: Oh. In that case, I'll give him my sword.
PC1: I'm totally gonna make him think that my staff is just a walking stick. *rolls* Bluff check of 43.
DM: *curses under his breath* Okay. He takes the weapons from the dwarf and elf, but lets you keep your stick. As you enter the hall, you can clearly see that Theoden-king is not himself. The dark power of Sauruman fills his mind and has corrupted his body, leaving him a hollow, empty shell of a man. A thin, pale man in black robes..
PC1: What's a Saruman? Is that a demon of some sort?
PC2: Yeah yeah, enough flavor text. Are there any girls here? I want to do them!
DM: Er..well..yes...your eyes are instantly drawn to Eowyn, daughter of the king. You can sense the desire in her eyes as she gazes upon the future king of Gondor.
PC1: I'm gonna go talk some smack to Wangchung.
DM: Wormtongue. Make an intimidate roll.
PC1: *rolls* Natural 1, so...27.
PC3: Why'd you let him be epic level, anyways?
PC4: I'm gonna look for someone to fight.
PC3: I'll join him. Been a while since I did any kung-fu.
PC2: I'm gonna grab the girl. You know, to comfort her.
PC1: Okay, I'm gonna exorcise the demon.
DM: What demon?
PC1: That Sauruman thing. You said it posessed him, right?
DM: Er..well..yeah, okay, whatever. You cast dispel magic on Theoden. Make a caster level check.
PC1: *rolls* 87. *is instantly pelted by dice, minis, empty mountain dew cans, cheetos, and a PHB*
DM: Well..okay, guess there's not much I can do against that. You drive Sauruman's controlling force out of Theoden's body. For now, at least, it looks like Rohan is free of...
PC2: 35.
DM: ...Saruman's...what? 35 what?
PC4: Rowho?
PC2: On the seduction roll. I'm gonna do that princess now.
PC3: Could I get some pants around here? I'm really sick of wearing tights with that dwarf down there...
DM: I give up. Let's pick this up next week, hopefully I can salvage something. Maybe throw in a few orcs or something...
