What would you do... (warning, touchy subject) - Updated

[Boss]

This is an extremely touchy subject, so if I offend anyone reading past this point, please forgive me, I am extremely upset at the moment and am not intentionally attempting to offend...

I have a very good friend of mine that is a recently divorced mother with a 7 or 8 year-old daughter (can't remember which right now). Her ex-husband is a slime-ball that spent two years finding ways to put off the expense of the divorce and then rushed it at the end because he suddenly wanted to marry someone else. He has always been a lazy father, more interested in yelling at his daughter than actually showing real interest in her.

This past Monday, my friend's daughter came home from her father's house and went to take a bath. My friend saw something on her daughter's backside when she was getting the bath ready and found several large black and red marks and bruise in the shape of a thumb at the top of her backside. Needless to say, my friend lost it. Her daughter told her she was "spanked" because she wouldn't wash her face before she went to school. My friend called her ex, and after having a difficult time getting to him because the new wife would not let them talk, he finally told her that he didn't spank her too hard because she had lots of padding on...

My friend called her lawyer and police, and took several photos, but the police said that it wasn't really a case of child abuse (they didn't look at the bruises, only asked questions).

I am furious right now (actually typing this has calmed me a little) and want to find him and show him literally what abuse is. Several of our other friends feel the same way as I do. I have no problem with spanking as a form of discipline, heck, I grew up practically over my parents knees, but to leave marks that are still showing and black and red after 12 hours is too much. I can not believe the police didn't look into it further and I do not even care to guess what was going through the father's mind when he beat her.

I want to do something. This is a very good friend of mine, and while we aren't in a intimate relationship, I still care about the mother and daughter a great deal, they are practically family in my mind. My first instinct is to hunt him down and explain the error of his ways to him in a very extreme manner. Our friends have also said the same thing, ranging from physical violence to making his life miserable. I don't know what I can do, I just know what I want to do. But, I don't think it would do anything but make me feel better to do it.

What would you do in this situation?

 

[Crothian]

Filing the police report is the first thing. Next, have the mother talk to the child's tracher and have them be on the look out for further signs of abuse. The mother can try to file for full custody, I don't know the laws of this sort of thing in Texas though. Courts do seem to favor the mom in some cases. Other then that, there is little you can do.

 

[Kid Charlemagne]

Well certainly don't go beating the guy up. That won't reflect well on the mother if a court case does occur. It's good she documented the case - that'll be a help. There are lawyers and police officers who frequent these boards, and hopefully some of them will weigh in on whether the police in this case were neglectful - it certainly seems so from my POV, but I'm not qualified to say.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Be there for the mother and the daughter. Make sure they know that there are plenty of men out there who don't act like [non-grandma friendly language].

 

[Del]

The picture taking was a good idea.

If the police are reticent, try approaching social services with the photos. A social worker has the authority to pull a child from the child's home.

 

[Dimwhit]

I'd do what Crothian suggests. Document it, file a report, talk to the teachers, and maybe go for full custody. Given she's the mother and she can show the bruises and such, I think she'd have a good chance.

 

[Blue_Kryptonite]

Social services and the school board are your best bets. They're the ones with authority and training to determine if the father has exceeded the state's corporal punishment guidelines and wandered into abuse territory.

 

[MaxKaladin]

You might want to have a doctor look at the bruises as well. The doctor might be able to give weight to abuse allegations.

 

[devilbat]

My advice to you is to support the mother and stay away from any confrontations with the father. Although, showing the father the error of his ways would make you (and your buddies) feel better, in the long run it will work against the mother if a court case does take place.

It sounds like the mom is going about the right way of handling the situation.

 

[Boss]

Thanks all for your responses, I have actually calmed down a little, so he is safe for now. My initial reaction is my protective instincts kicking in. I am not usually a violent person, but I was raised to protect those I care about, and these two ladies fall under that category.

I talked to the mother about it some more, and she is calling the school now to discuss the situation. I also told her, as was suggested by Del, to contact Child Protective Services. It will make things rough for awhile, but in the long run it will be good for the daughter. The mother is a nurse as well, and her employer is going to exam the daughter ASAP (thanks MaxKaladin, neither the mother nor myself had thought of that).

Thanks again everyone! I know this is going to be a long struggle, but whatever it takes to keep the daughter safe. (I haven't used any names because, while it is unlikely anyone will know who is involved, a few of his friends do peruse these boards)