What would you do... (warning, touchy subject) - Updated

[Darth K'Trava]

Filing the police report is the first thing. Next, have the mother talk to the child's tracher and have them be on the look out for further signs of abuse. The mother can try to file for full custody, I don't know the laws of this sort of thing in Texas though. Courts do seem to favor the mom in some cases. Other then that, there is little you can do.

And definitely keep the photos as proof. And put the date on them. Better yet, get a camera that puts a date stamp on all the photos. If he's a total slacker, then she should file for full custody with supervised visits, if at all.

But going to kick the guy's ass isn't the way to solve it. And would end up with *you* in hot water. Best to stay out of it as much as you can and let her deal with the issues. However, give moral support to both her and the daughter as much as you can.

 

[Del]

I would second third and fourth any recommendation to stay away from "whuppin his ass". Courts look favourably on respectable adult behaviour.

 

[mojo1701]

I would second third and fourth any recommendation to stay away from "whuppin his ass". Courts look favourably on respectable adult behaviour.

And THEN tear the losers a new one.

 

[Umbran]

What would you do in this situation?

What I don't think others have said...

Note clearly how little legal right you have to act in this situation.

Intervention by third parties without clear right to action will only make it worse for the child. It will strain an already bad relationship between the parents. If Dad really is abusive, and you take action, who do you think is going to bear the brunt of the repercussions?

 

[Desdichado]

Well certainly don't go beating the guy up. That won't reflect well on the mother if a court case does occur. It's good she documented the case - that'll be a help. There are lawyers and police officers who frequent these boards, and hopefully some of them will weigh in on whether the police in this case were neglectful - it certainly seems so from my POV, but I'm not qualified to say.

No kidding; the last thing you want is to have her in front of a jury sueing for full custody and the ex's lawyer is painting her out to be some kind of Tonya Harding.

 

[Boss]

Okay, after listening to everyone I can honestly say... I did nothing at all other than talk with my friend and pass along suggestions. The daughter's bruises are just about gone, only a slight redness is left. I still can not believe that the police did not do anything. If the bruises are still there after this much time has passed, it is child abuse, not a spanking! This weekend, the ex is scheduled to see his daughter again. I only pray that he doesn't "punish" her again. If he does though, we will be waiting with a camera and the direct line to Child Protective Services.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Umbran]

If the bruises are still there after this much time has passed, it is child abuse, not a spanking!

Possibly. On the other hand, if it really wasn't abuse, do you have any concept of how much damage the mere accusation can do to the father? Even if he isn't convicted, having the accusation on record is extremely persistant, and has long reaching consequences. And it would destroy what little relationship was left in that family.

Given that, perhaps you can pardon the police for not being hot on the trigger. They don't know how easily the child bruises. They don't know the Mom is an upstanding individual and isn't using some other event to attack the father. They only know what they see with their own eyes, and that isn't much.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Possibly. On the other hand, if it really wasn't abuse, do you have any concept of how much damage the mere accusation can do to the father? Even if he isn't convicted, having the accusation on record is extremely persistant, and has long reaching consequences. And it would destroy what little relationship was left in that family.

Given that, perhaps you can pardon the police for not being hot on the trigger. They don't know how easily the child bruises. They don't know the Mom is an upstanding individual and isn't using some other event to attack the father. They only know what they see with their own eyes, and that isn't much.

So right. I saw an old friend this past weekend who had this happen. A few years back he took his daughter to California to visit his parents. When they returned his ex-wife said that the daughter was "changed" and took her to several doctors and psychologists looking for signs of abuse. None of the doctors saw any evidence of any abuse, but the ex-wife filed charges against the father and his parents. The state of course took the allegations seriously and restricted my friend's access to his daughter - supervised visits only, no contact with the grandparents.

After about two and a half years later, all charges have been dropped and his record has been cleared and his parents can once again visit their granddaughter. The judge, in much more diplomatic terms, ruled that the mother was full of fecal material.

My friend completely agrees that the state had little choice but to treat the allegations seriously, but he cannot wait for his daughter to be able to choose where she wants to live in a few more years. He's quite sure that she will choose to stay with him. IMO, what says the most about my friend in this is that he will not speak poorly of his ex-wife in front of his daughter - I doubt his ex has the same consideration.

 

[DaveStebbins]

I have to agree with Umbran and Thornir Alekeg, don't blame the cops. A friend at work just went through the same problem with her ex and the judge ruled that there was not enough evidence to prove abuse. As long as the bruises are only in the area where corporal punishment would be administered, there is probably nothing that can be done unless the father has a history, or there are witnesses to the abuse.

-Dave
you could always plant seeds of doubt by saying, in a friendly manner, to the new spouse "wait until he starts giving YOU that treatment."

 

[Umbran]

you could always plant seeds of doubt by saying, in a friendly manner, to the new spouse "wait until he starts giving YOU that treatment."

Either someone is trying to be funny, or someone missed the wisdom of the "third parties shouldn't get involved" stuff.