What's the most USELESS Wizard Spell?

[Frostmarrow]

Gust of wind had got to be it. I have memorized it and used it and in very specialized circumstances it was somewhat useful, but no where near 3rd level useful.

Summon monster, well up to 5 or 6 they suck. The 1 round casting time really wrecks these spells, especially considering you have to target the spell when you begin casting the spell not the end. I don't know how many times I set the spell up so it might be cool, and then people moved so it sucked. But if you're hasted and you don't want to blow two spells this round a full round action isn't so bad for a summon spell as opposed to its normal 1 round. The flanking benefits really are nothing since if your rogue is out in a position where he can flank someone chances are he'll be dead before the summon shows up, and if he is not dead the opponent was such a sucker a MM would of likely handled him anyway. Basically until the 5 or 6 the monsters are way to weak to justify a 1 round casting time. About the only use for these spells is utility, need heal spels summon that celestial something, or a unicorn, need to get through some rock summon that thoquo(sp?). And at one round a level duration utility is greatly limited.

I've got good news for you Shard. I play a conjurer so I have studied the erratas for SM I-IX very carefully. There are to things one must remember when summoning monsters:

1) Use Haste. For some strange reason the extra partial action granted by haste can be used to finish a sm-spell and make the monster appear in the same round you begin casting it. The Sage says so, anyway. Makes sense in a wierd way; haste is a good spell for all, not just everybody but conjurers.

2) The Sage says that casting a full round spell is like loading and firing a shotgun. In the first round you decide what ammo to use, i.e. which monster to summon. In the second round you target and fire, i.e. you place your newly summoned monster on the mat wherever you like (whithin 30', of course.)

If you don't believe me then... well, that's your problem isn't it?

 

[Frostmarrow]

Re: All for one, and one for all!

Gust of Wind - a villain is perched at the top of a windy cliff, jabbering about how he is going to destroy us all. I'll let you fill in the blank.

That is really sad.

"Hey Hero, whatever happened to Tulsa Doom the Warrior-Priest of the Snake God?"

"He blew off a cliff never to be seen again."

"Eh.. Cool "

 

[Xar]

As for the most useless spell, I voted for the Summon Monster suite. In theory, the ability to rip an extraplanar creature from its home and bend it to your will for a short time is really cool. In practice, however, the casting time is too long, and the summoned creatures are too weak to do much of anything. With the exception of the very early summon monsters, anything summoned is too fat below the average party level to be a threat to the adventurers.

-Tiberius

Eh?

I think the Summon Monster spells are by far the most uselfull of all the spells in the PHB. I hope you know that you can summon and control the monsters while remaining invisible? That a couple girallons can rip appart a 100+ HP barb in a single round? And they can go on for a few rounds... And you can choose what beasties you want before you cast the spell. Need arial transport? Arrowhawks is the way. Nice lightning bolts too... Need muscle? Dire apes and girallons tear appart every opposition. Need creatures that can cast spells for you? You can get it all with a Summon Monster. Need monsters from a lower level Summon Monster list? Can be done.

Once my party's cleric took on an entire ship full of fighters and mages, by summoning some fiendish dire apes and girallons. With SR, damage reduction and resistances they were unstoppable. Really, the Summon Monsters are the best multi-purpose spells you can get.

 

[Madfox]

Those who say that the Summon Monster string of spell suck, clearly never used that spell to their fullest potential. Besides combat, in which they can be very useful, if only to distract opponents, you can also use them outside of combat. My favourite use to let them set of traps and trigger ambushes. If your DM is a bit lenient, he might also allow the summoned monsters to destroy doors (and hence taking the ready actions of the opponents behind the door), and do some other actions that require more then a simple attack command. If facing creatures with reach, those summoned monsters are also very good at drawing AOOs away. It is not as if you have to summon the beasts in such a position that you immidiately outflank opponents. The only problem is that once you reach a particular level the lower level summon spells become useless in combat (still great for trap chechking). This makes the spell a bad choice for sorcerers. In a particular one-shot adventure for 9th lvl characters summon monster was very useful and saved the lives of our cheesey group numerous occasions.

Personally, all spells are useful in the right conditions. That does not mean that a wizard (let alone a sorcerer) will bother preparing such a spell or even writing it in his spellbook. I voted for gust of wind, since it is just not a 3rd lvl spell. Even when you use it to extinguish unprotected flames or to cause a cloud of debris cover your attack or retreat.

 

[Thorntangle]

Monsters must hate to be summoned. If I got repeatedly zapped into the material plane to spring traps and die fighting for adventurers, I just might turn on them.

"I was eating dinner! Die , you summoning pigs!"

 

[Frostmarrow]

Monsters must hate to be summoned. If I got repeatedly zapped into the material plane to spring traps and die fighting for adventurers, I just might turn on them.

"I was eating dinner! Die , you summoning pigs!"

Are you kidding? They love it! Free vacation and a chance to fight for the cause. Celestials love to fight for good (and the celestials, between you and me, are quite dim). Fiendish critters simply love to fight. It beats chewing charcoal any day.

 

[Number47]

Think that Summon spells are too weak? Let me point you to the Fiendish Dire Tiger. Average of 120 hit points. Speed 40 followed by a pounce for significant damage. Cold resistance 20. Fire resistance 20. Damage reduction 10/+3. Spell resistance 25. Not shabby at all for a 7th level spell! This bad boy can take out a whole troop of enemies and the duration should last until the end of the combat. Not to mention that he's so big and has reach that he can threaten a lot of people, allowing a lot of flanking. If this tank has one problem, it's that he has low intelligence and no language, so he cannot be directed precisely by the caster.

Take a serious, hard look at some of these celestial-template and infernal-template creatures in the mid-summoning level. That template buys a lot!

As for celestials liking to fight, hee hee. I have a very evil bad guy in my game that likes to summon celestials to fight for him. It amuses him to make the good guys fight each other.

All this being said, however, I do agree that Summon Monster is a poor, poor choice for low level casters.

 

[Henry]

The Gust of Wind example actually happened.
I quote:

A gust of wind can do anything a sudden blast of wind would be expected to do. It can create a stinging spray of sand or dust, fan a large fire, overturn delicate awnings or hangings, heel over a small boat, and blow gases or vapors to the edge of the range.

Have you ever been on a cliff or a building top when strong winds are blowing? If you are caught off guard, or are precariously perched, it WILL tip you over. Wizards do not have particularly high reflex or fortitude saves, anyway, but this was a 2nd edition game, and the wizard blew his save horribly. Since he didn't have feather fall or fly memorized, over he went.

The DM, to his credit, didn't try to fudge the wizard's recovery - he was too busy being at first flabbergasted, and then he was too busy laughing. He honestly only had attack and protection spells memorized (being a particularly arrogant wizard), so over the side he went.

Forced a morale check for the minions, too.

 

[Henry]

One serious comment I have for this thread:

Every one who plays a spell caster (especially a Bard, Sorcerer, or wizard) should engage in the following exercise:

Look at EACH spell in the Player's handbook.

READ each spell in the player's handbook carefully.

Read it again. I said "carefully."

Try to come up with TWO different ways in which this spell can be used besides the use for which it was intended. If you cannot figure out what it's intended use was, you must figure out THREE way it can be used.

It's a great mental challenge exercise.

For instance:

Nystul’s Magic Aura

Illusion (Glamer)
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Touch
Target: One touched object weighing up to 5 lb./level
Duration: 1 day/level
Saving Throw: None (see text)
Spell Resistance: No

The character makes an item’s aura register to detection spells (and similar spells) as though it were either a magic item of the type that the character specifies or the subject of a spell that the character specifies. The character could make an ordinary sword register as a +2 vorpal sword as far as magical detection is concerned or make a +2 vorpal sword register as if it were a +1 sword.

If the object bearing Nystul’s magic aura has identify cast on it or is similarly examined, the examiner recognizes that the aura is false and detects the object’s actual qualities if he succeeds at a Will save. Otherwise, he believes the aura and no amount of testing reveals what the true magic is.

If the targeted item’s own aura is exceptionally powerful (if it is an artifact, for instance), Nystul’s magic aura doesn’t work.

Note: A magic weapon, shield, or suit of armor must be a masterwork item, so a sword of average make, for example, looks suspicious if it has a magical aura.

1. Make this item detect as a magic item of middling worth, and sell it to someone while acting like you don't know its true worth.
2. Make a ranged touch attack, and tell your opponent that you have just cursed him with the "doom of Dispater" (or some other equally nasty curse). His very garments will now hunt him down and constrict him to death the next time he lays down to sleep. And his garments actually have the aura to back you up.
3. Make an exceptional but non-artifact item the party possesses detect as a very minor magic item, in order to escape detection by someone looking for the item with detect magic spells, or by someone with the special ability to hunt for an item with that level of power.
   [/list=1]
   
   Fireballs are used as signal flares, to bypass barriers that would stop lightning bolts, and as a way to start a fire in the absence of flints, tinder twigs, and no one with wilderness lore.
   
   It is my contention that there are no useless spells, just laterally-thinking magi. Any time you can break the laws of physics, there is an opportunity for mayhem.
   
   Would anyone care to continue this little exercise?

 

[Carnifex]

On the matter of Summon Monster spells, I may well house rule it IMC that they aren't full round casting times.