When will my group ever accept me?

[Thornir Alekeg]

A tip... Be nonchalant about it. Don't make a big deal about it. Treat it in a manner as if you were heading out to a movie with your friends.

"I'm heading over to Soandso's place for a couple hours..."
"Whatcha guys doing?"
"Oh, we're just going to be playing a little D&D. I'll see you later, bye!"
"Alright... later!"

In my experience, if you treat it like the harmless game it is (instead of like a shameful addiciton), no one seems to mind it any more than any other quirky hobby.

Or you could even get lucky and get this instead:

"Whatcha guys doing?"
"Oh, we're just going to be playing a little D&D. I'll see you later, bye!"
"Really? I always wanted to try that, maybe I can tag along?"

That's how it worked when I was dating my wife. Not that I recommend bringing your boyfriend into this group, even just to watch, until you work out the other issues you are having with them. But if things don't work out with the problem women, you might find you have the beginnings of a new group.

 

[DonTadow]

I think what most people found objectionable was that he would attempt to get work colleagues that he disliked fired. How would you feel if someone at work was trying to get you fired for no other reason than they disliked you?

Other than that, I had no problem with what he said. It's good to get the straight-talking as well as the softly-softly advice.

Cheers,
Liam

I don't think this is a far off thing. I guess I've always worked at places were playing the politics card is very important and I've both been the victim of and the culprit. Not as far as getting fired but if i'm climbing the corp ladder I need to make sure I"m seen as the best and those I don't want up there are seen as bumbling idiots. It's nothing personal its the business game. If I don't like someone at work, its usually because they're doing a horrible job and firing may be hte only solution. However at some places simply not doing your job won't get you fired. So if you really want someone gone so productivy can go up you have to improvise.

 

[stevelabny]

thanks for some honesty don.
office politics exists at all jobs.
but apparently very few poeople want to admit that.
Or they just want to whine when office politics work against them.
When of course, the best course of action is to BE the office politics.

also, for one last time, to try to clear my good name, if you guys go back and look at the things that might make me "actively DISLIKE" a co-worker, you'll see that all of them are perfectly acceptable reasons to fire someone.

Some people seem to still be reading this and thing I'll dislike someone for something minor or petty. Nope, I'll roll my eyes at them. Most people aren't worthy of my dislike. If someone has earned my dislike... theres a damn good reason.

But unsurprisingly, most people always assume the worst of other people, and want to take my words in the worst possible light. Because I dare speak the truth without worrying about hurting someones feelings, I'm a jerk...and because I'm a jerk, I must always be wrong. THAT's petty. But I suppose that's why people assume others are petty too.

 

[Acquana]

Nah, just most of us think it's not our place as is rather self-righteous to go over people's heads and try to get them fired instead of handling issues to their face or moving one's schedule around to avoid them. I suppose it's some kind of "office thing" to constantly be trying to backstab other coworkers. And since you're more knowledgeable of such matters, including how to use the "suck it up and take what you deserve" tactic as a way of making new friends, I shall leave it be.

 

[DonTadow]

Nah, just most of us think it's not our place as is rather self-righteous to go over people's heads and try to get them fired instead of handling issues to their face or moving one's schedule around to avoid them. I suppose it's some kind of "office thing" to constantly be trying to backstab other coworkers. And since you're more knowledgeable of such matters, including how to use the "suck it up and take what you deserve" tactic as a way of making new friends, I shall leave it be.

I know it might not be right and it might not be fair but its the real world. Again this is just my experiences but I have worked for several companies and 2 fortune five hundreds. There are people who believe that they will be evaluted on their performance and their are people who will screw the boss if it gets them an edge. There are are people who go to work on time every day and work hard and then there are those whom play golf on Saturdays with their supervisor. There are those who work overtime to get the job done and then there are those whom laugh at all their managers jokes and runs errands for him I'll be honest, 9 times out of 10 the person who gets the nod is the latter in the two examples.

Outside of my first job, I have received every job based on who I know. True I do have the skills to back up my work history, and when I've been unemployed I've sent resumes everywhere without a call, but its not until I pick up the phone and call someone I know at the place that I get an interview.

I think Steve is blunt but its honest bluntness. Its that kind of advice you don't want to hear but we all need to hear every now and then. This world is not the happy, shiny place we want it. Fair is only a word that exists at summer festivals. Some are content always taking the number 1 option and living a content life. Some people take number 2, don't play gthe game right and crash and burn. then there are some that that take number 1 make the big money, pray and hope something or someone out there forgives them for doing what they had to do to live the life they want.

 

[Desdichado]

thanks for some honesty don.
office politics exists at all jobs.
but apparently very few poeople want to admit that.
Or they just want to whine when office politics work against them.
When of course, the best course of action is to BE the office politics.

Yes, they do exist. In my experience, the people who percieve office politics the way you do are the ones most likely to be the victims of office politics, though. Without them, they often wouldn't really exist. Most people I've ever worked with are regular Joes who act professionally towards their co-workers.

People who engage in dirty office politics are pretty transparent, IMO. Their peers hate them, their bosses dislike and distrust them, and they don't get ahead.

 

[DaveStebbins]

thanks for some honesty don.
office politics exists at all jobs.
but apparently very few poeople want to admit that.
Or they just want to whine when office politics work against them.
When of course, the best course of action is to BE the office politics.

Or you could try to set an example of how people could behave at their best and see if everyone follows it and politics ends up taking a back seat to everyone being positive and helpful. Joining the politics just, IME, leads to more politics, backstabbing, sarcasm and cynicism. Set the example of goodness; then, even if it doesn't work out, at least you can be proud of your own actions and not have to justify them as 'necessary for survival' in the office jungle.

also, for one last time, to try to clear my good name, if you guys go back and look at the things that might make me "actively DISLIKE" a co-worker, you'll see that all of them are perfectly acceptable reasons to fire someone.

They are also pretty rare, whereas the term dislike has a much more common meaning of just not liking someone much. I think it's perfectly understandable that people interpretted your original statements as common dislike and that you were trying to get people fired without just cause, whether or not you intended it that way. That's certainly how I read it.

Some people seem to still be reading this and thing I'll dislike someone for something minor or petty. Nope, I'll roll my eyes at them. Most people aren't worthy of my dislike. If someone has earned my dislike... theres a damn good reason.

But unsurprisingly, most people always assume the worst of other people, and want to take my words in the worst possible light. Because I dare speak the truth without worrying about hurting someones feelings, I'm a jerk...and because I'm a jerk, I must always be wrong. THAT's petty. But I suppose that's why people assume others are petty too.

Or people could be working only with what you have given them, trying to interpret statements with less-than-ideal amounts of background. See, most places I have encountered the term 'dislike' it has been used as a rather mild response to someone or something. I think that's why it seemed out of proportion to the actions you proposed taking in response.

-Dave

 

[DaveStebbins]

Yanno, she did take what steve said pretty well, she even saw his point. SHE wasnt upset by how he approached the topic. Why should anyone else be.

Maybe because people are allowed to react in different ways to the same advice? Just because the original poster decided to follow it doesn't automatically mean it was good advice, or that it was given in the best way. I hope whatever Raven Wintervale decides to do works out well, and improves both her gaming experience and her life in general. However, if I see something in the advice given that I disagree with enough, I am going to disagree with it publicly.

-Dave
(edited for a spelling error I missed last night)

 

[nerfherder]

Or people could be working only with what you have given them, trying to interpret statements with less-than-ideal amounts of background. See, most places I have encountered the term 'dislike' it has been used as a rather mild response to someone or something. I think that's why it seemed out of proportion to the actions you proposed taking in response.

Exactly.

Cheers,
Liam

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Keep your hands off of him, Darth! Reveal is mine. In a gay prison movie kinda way.

Won't you make Torm jealous?