When will my group ever accept me?

[DonTadow]

I think this is great. You're making a great stride forward.

Tell us- and your group- how it goes.

As to your friends, just leave your Player's Handbook out in your living room the next time they are over. It's a pretty blatant way to express your gaming side.

Agreed, don't be overly apparent but don't go crazy hiding who you are. I think thats the most important thing here, forgot the girls, they'll get over it. When I first started college I had just started listening to alternative music. Being black and living in the hood (6 out of 10 of my childhood friends have been murdered, trust me it was the hood)most of my life, I felt sort of embarrased that my Alanis Morrisette was stacked up with my Tupac. I'd hide the cds when my black friends came over or change the channel when I was riding through the hood. I felt like I wasn't going to be accepted by my friends if they knew, honestly i was just really denying who i was and the cloud of guilt was all around me. Then one day I just stopped hiding. I was a sophmore by then. I stopped changing the channel, left the cds out and started playing Magic: the gathering. My former clique and I would go on trips and I would always bring my cds and magic cards. Not to spite them but I wasn't going to stop being me around people anymore.

I'll be honest, only two people out of my highschool clique Im still friends with. Several refused to hang with me once they found out about magic and d and d. That was cool, I realized that I'd rather have open minded friends than judgemental ones. HOnestly my hobbies helped me weed out those whom are going to always be there for me and those who were just around for the ride.

 

[the Jester]

I'll be honest, only two people out of my highschool clique Im still friends with. Several refused to hang with me once they found out about magic and d and d. That was cool, I realized that I'd rather have open minded friends than judgemental ones. HOnestly my hobbies helped me weed out those whom are going to always be there for me and those who were just around for the ride.

Quoted for truth.

 

[BrooklynKnight]

I think this is great. You're making a great stride forward.

Tell us- and your group- how it goes.

As to your friends, just leave your Player's Handbook out in your living room the next time they are over. It's a pretty blatant way to express your gaming side.

Some dice too :-D

 

[Azul]

A fair question. I guess it's that most of my friends wouldn't understand it, somemight even cut ties with me. Some of these people I've been friends with for a very long time. I can understand if they're mad if they think i'm ashamed of them or something (which I'm not). But I don't think it's that, often they're comments about the way I dress or things I like to do.

Some of your friends might even cut ties with you because you have a hobby that has nothing to do with them? It sounds like you either are insecure in your relationships to those friends or they are some pretty fairweather friends.

If either group gets the impression you are ashamed of your gaming, they will react negatively to it. The non-gamers will assume you have a reason to feel ashamed (and thus that gaming is a bad thing). The gamers will feel like you are ashamed of them and be pretty ticked.

I'd strongly suggest you figure out why you are placing so much value on relationships with people you don't think can accept you for who you are. Those are acquaintances and fairweather friends. A true friend is someone who knows your flaws and weirdness and likes you anyway - they like you warts and all. Real friendships are rarer but they are worth all the effort.

The comments from your gaming group centre around your appearance and out-of-game activities. You might be dealing with jealousy but you are most likely dealing with some folks who have a strong sense of group identity (i.e. we are nerds) who consider gaming to be part of that group identity (i.e. gaming is for nerds only). Sounds like you are more of a social butterfly than your fellow gamers so they see you as part of a different crowd. It's a territorial and personal identity thing. If they don't see you as one of them, they'll resent your presence on some level.

It also sounds like you haven't done much to dispel this idea that you are part of a difference social circle (actually, it sounds like you very much agree that you aren't in the same social circles and that might be part of your problem... you see them in the same "us and them" way they see you).

If that is the case, the best way to deal with it is probably to break down some barriers so they see you as *you* rather than part of this group or that group. Gaming won't work for that because at gaming, you are busy being someone else instead of being you. In a gaming environment, your character serves as a mask and makes it harder for people to get to know you. Some of those group activities that your DM is trying to organize might help.

From your posts, I'm guessing you are in college or university. Assuming it's legal and/or tolerated in your part of the world, sharing a few drinks and just chatting with these girls might do some good. Find out about them and their lives and let them find out about you and your life. It's amazing what a heart-to-heart chat between two tipsy people can do to dispel misunderstandings (warning: it can have the opposite effect too). They are far less likely to treat you as an outsider if they really know you.

 

[Azul]

Gah... well, looks like much of my advice already given by other folks (sometimes in much blunter terms). That'll teach me to post before I finish reading a thread.

Good luck with the chat with your BF and dealing your your gaming group.

 

[Xath]

I've been reading, but most of my advice has been posted. Good luck, and be yourself.

 

[Sequoia2]

and you're telling me that this is your biggest problem you have going on in your life now?

 

[Crothian]

and you're telling me that this is your biggest problem you have going on in your life now?

Ah, the simple life of being a freshman in college.......

 

[DonTadow]

and you're telling me that this is your biggest problem you have going on in your life now?

Hey college freshment, man those were the good years. Have fun now, 4 years later you're going to be trying to figure out your major and not settling for that liberal arts degree.

 

[Acquana]

Heh heh heh

and you're telling me that this is your biggest problem you have going on in your life now?

For some reason I couldn't help but be really amused by this post. ^_^ I guess if this is the roughest you've got right now, then you're doin pretty good. I recall some of my bigger problems in college. I envy you. ^_~

Raven, just let us know how things go. I tried to be a little more comforting that some of the other posters, but I guess bluntness has its place too.