When will my group ever accept me?

[Desdichado]

But if there is someone I actively DISLIKE to the extent of not wanting to be in the same room with them? Usually encouraging them to quit or trying to get them fired works. Obviously, it depends on where you work and what level of pull you have. If you're a new employee you're pretty much forced to shut up and ignore the person.

For posterities sake, I'm recording the moment where stevelabny lost all credibility in this thread. :\

 

[stevelabny]

More honesty makes me lose credibility?

 

[Desdichado]

Admitting that you would try to get someone fired just because you didn't like them does. Anything you could say about how to treat people who don't seem to like you in your gaming group will be colored by that now.

 

[smootrk]

You know, these kinds of negetive reinforcements never produce positive results long-term. Learning to understand those who have these petty and immature concepts helps to allow one to dismiss their opinions as ridiculous. Only people with poor self-esteem try to bring down others in some attempt to make themselves 'bigger'.

A sad thing indeed, is that some with the childish attitudes actually have power over others, and can bring real damage to those that they choose to exert this power over.

Everyone should take communication and psychology classes to help them understand those with these personality issues. There are a great number of concepts and techniques for dealing with them, or at least giving one self a better grasp on how to deal with the insulting attitudes.

 

[stevelabny]

I'm having problems putting this into words, but I'll try.

Don't bosses fire employees they dislike all the time?

Surely if I see a co-worker stealing, or harassing other employees, or shirking work, and that makes me dislike him...those are acceptable reasons to get him fired? I can't imagine anyone would disagree with those reasons?

Now let's say I think he has a personality problem... He's smelly, or he's rude, or he doesn't shut up... and that makes me dislike him. Aren't these problems that are going to affect company chemistry and morale? Or worse, affect customers or clients? Isn't it still my duty to tell my boss I think the employee has to go?

Or did you think by "actively DISLIKE" I meant somethign so petty as trying to get someone fired because he's a Red Sox fan?

I said "actively DISLIKE" because I meant DISLIKE. As in there is a real, legitimate reason why I do not want to be in the same room with this guy. Unsurprisingly, I trust my own judgment. So if I "actively DISLIKE" someone, thats a good enough reason for them to go.

Or is the problem here that if I'm not the boss and I try to get someone fired, even if its for a good reason, that I'm being a "tattletale". Is this first grade?

I'm really not sure why this makes me lose credibility.
Yes I have opinions.
And yes, I think my opinions are right.
(If I thought they were wrong, wouldn't I change my mind?)
And yes, I am willing to stand by my opinions for the betterment of my work environment.
I wish more employees cared about their job that way.

 

[Desdichado]

Someone needs a session with an HR adviser.

Seriously, I've never worked in an environment where simply not liking someone was an acceptable reason to try and terminate their employment. My like or dislike of a person usually has no correlation to their value to the company or their ability to do their job. Heck, in my line of work, the ones I don't like are often the best at doing their job. The same qualities that make them unlikeable also make them good at their job, to a certain extent.

 

[DonTadow]

Wow I can't believe I get Steve's point . Karma is a mutha and its nothing but Karma coming back around. Not saying its right but it seems to balance things out. When I first read it I thought it was just girls being catty but this seems to be about them not liking you because you don't acknowledge their existance other than when you want something "the game".

Someone earlier said something to the effect that they don't hang with the people they game with outside of the gaming table, and not everybody does. SOme people in my group i hang with outside of the gaming table and some I don't. But if I"m on the street hanging with some of my non-gaming friends and I see a gamer I'm not going to skirt to theside of the hallway and pretend they don't exist. Thats just rude to do that. The thing that would really irk me is that you're not embarraseed of them you're embarrased of yourself, and thats really upsetting. You should always be proud of who you are, even if you don't fully know who you are yet.

That girl is trying to drive you away because she feels really strong about you either disacknowledging her or disacknowledging yourself. I think if you acknowledge your gaming a bit more i the public, you'd find your group likes you alot more and the guilt you feel will go away. Anyone whose your real friend will be your friend regardless of what you play and don't play.

 

[spatha]

I'm having problems putting this into words, but I'll try.

Don't bosses fire employees they dislike all the time?

Illegal where I live. Someone needs to have a valid reason for firing someone. Disliking them isn't valid.

Surely if I see a co-worker stealing, or harassing other employees, or shirking work,

All these reasons are good reasons to have someone fired.

Now let's say I think he has a personality problem... He's smelly, or he's rude, or he doesn't shut up... and that makes me dislike him. Aren't these problems that are going to affect company chemistry and morale? Or worse, affect customers or clients? Isn't it still my duty to tell my boss I think the employee has to go?

Your personal opinion on someone doesn't reflect everyone elses. Even if it did all that matters is said person does his job and does it properly. Anything else is unimportant.

Or did you think by "actively DISLIKE" I meant somethign so petty as trying to get someone fired because he's a Red Sox fan?

I said "actively DISLIKE" because I meant DISLIKE. As in there is a real, legitimate reason why I do not want to be in the same room with this guy. Unsurprisingly, I trust my own judgment. So if I "actively DISLIKE" someone, thats a good enough reason for them to go.

Must be nice to be so sure of yourself that you can't see how your reaction to a person may be totally different from someone else. So I guess you are the end all and say all of all person opinion now?

 

[Thotas]

DonTadow does a good job of taking what's worthwhile in stevelabny's post and making it more diplomatic and useful. Raven, it does sound like you've wronged the type of person your group is, if not these particulars, in the past. But it also sounds like you're realizing it and doing something about it. You're to be commended for that, 99% of us never get that far. None the less, you (like most people don't) haven't made the whole trip in one step. Absolutely tell your boyfriend. Past that? You don't need to shout it from the roof tops, but if someone asks "Hey, what did you do on Saturday?" you answer truthfully. And casually. If they have a problem with it, just shrug it off, casually again. Just display the assumption that you can be one of the cool kids and your own person at the same time.

 

[Psychic Warrior]

DonTadow does a good job of taking what's worthwhile in stevelabny's post and making it more diplomatic and useful.

I'm just amazed that "disacknowledge" is an actual word (at least according to dictionary.com).

Yay! I'm learning!