Why do women send mixed signals?

[Lucrecio]

My god.

I didn't expect to see so many precious lines of wise words on a rpg forum . Thanks to everyone for sharing your wisdom and experiences, I'm getting smarter & wiser after each post .

Yo Ken, about your current situation, I think you should stop acting and talking like the world should be according to your rules. It isn't, period. The world doesn't play to anyone's rules, but most of us try to fit in and better our lot by bending to the chaotic rules of our individualistic society. I understand that you have a condition that makes you somehow different, but from my personnal experience, those who sincerely try to fit in and take their place often have more gratifying and complete lives than those who isolate themselves, blaming the world for its many faults.

I think you're on th right track; you use personnal services and you are aware of your condition. Your gun is pointing in the right direction, but women are moving targets , the next step to steady your aim should be to try to better understand society and the general populace and accept that you have to bend at least a little to others to gain what you desire. It ain't as hard as you might think it is. Good luck man.

 

[KenM]

I have only been diagainosged with it a few years ago when I was 34 or so. I'm 37 now. But I see I have had it all my life. I have not gotten threapy for my AS, but I have been in threopy before. I'm thinking of getting some more. No, I don''t know what "theory of mind deficit?" means.

 

[Rel]

Ken, I actually have a vaguely related question and I'm being totally serious in asking it. Because you have AS then I know it is important that people spell out their motiviations so let me be clear that I'm genuinely curious and I'm NOT asking this as way of making fun of you in any way.

It was mentioned about you using an escort service from time to time (about which I make no judgement whatsoever). I don't know squat about escort services but I get the impression that the women they employ tend to be among the better looking of the female species. With that as a starting point (one that may be wrong) here is my question:

Do you in any way feel that your sexual encounters with these women have raised your expectations for what sort of girl you would consider getting involved with as you seek a mate?

 

[KenM]

Do you in any way feel that your sexual encounters with these women have raised your expectations for what sort of girl you would consider getting involved with as you seek a mate?

Well, I don't consider looks that important. The should be some kind of attraction, sure. But there has to be some kind of chemistry there. I like women that are very passionate and "exciting" in bed so to speak. If I am with a women that is not that into it sexually, its a turn off.
That other women I mentioned in this thread ""i'll sleep against you in my panties and youer shirt........." we had real chemistry, IMO. it was based on respect and friendship and really grew, I could tell she had passion. Too bad she choose drugs.

 

[jester47]

This whole thread made me wonder if I had a really mild case of AS. But thats not the case. I just have really high standards in appearance, combined with a bad short term memory that ultimately stems from a life of not really caring about anything or anyone. If I really care I can remember anything. Essentially my parents continued to tell me I was smart and loved, so much so I began to wonder why they kept telling me that. This caused me to grow into a selfish person with no confidence and impossibly high standards for women. To the point where I would turn away the okay looking girl and hope for the really hot girl with the physics doctorate. Don't get me started on the Genetics and comparing the girl to her parents to see if my kids would look weird in their old age. Man I was messed up. Might as well have had really mild AS.

Aaron.

 

[The Shaman]

I have only been diagainosged with it a few years ago when I was 34 or so. I'm 37 now. But I see I have had it all my life. I have not gotten threapy for my AS, but I have been in threopy before. I'm thinking of getting some more. No, I don''t know what "theory of mind deficit?" means.

That sounds like a good idea to me.

"Theory of mind deficit" is the challenge for AS sufferers to recognize that other people have feelings and intentions that are different from their own - it means that someone with AS has difficulty recognising that other people think and react differently.

This is one of the things that socialization training can address, by helping to build up a learned 'vocabulary' of emotional responses - it helps those with AS to pick up on social cues that they don't receive intuitively the way someone without the condition does. Because AS is not a 'mental illness' and cannot be treated the same way - however, therapy/counseling is important in conjunction with skill development for helping the AS sufferer to address the personal emotional reactions associated with extending beyond the comfort boundaries.

Has your physician or therapist recommended anything like this to you?

From what you've posted it sounds like you've done a good job of developing an effective functional environment for yourself by creating situations and relationships (friendships) that 'work' with your AS. That's a good first step. Building a relationship with a 'special someone' takes more than that, in my experience - it takes meeting someone else's needs as well as your own. Actively managing your AS - social skill training, therapy - may enable you to reach out, to be a good partner, to expand your comfort zone. I believe you sincerely want to build that kind of relationship - the question is, how hard are you willing to work, to adapt, to achieve it?

 

[KenM]

its been YEARS since I was in threopy. When i was in before, they did not sugest I had AS. I don't think they screwed up. I just think they did not know about it.

 

[Rel]

its been YEARS since I was in threopy. When i was in before, they did not sugest I had AS. I don't think they screwed up. I just think they did not know about it.

If what you're saying is that your AS is not being at all managed by any healtcare professional and you've managed to build friendships and hold a good job then I think you should be very hopeful about the improvements you might make if you were under the care of a competant therapist.

 

[Hijinks]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rel
Here's the thing, Ken. If you told most blind people that there were medications or treatments that would help them regain some of their eyesight, do you think they would take the help? Or would they just say, "Quit trying to change me and accept me as I am."?



bullseye.

*cough*

No pun intended.

*cough*

 

[The Shaman]

its been YEARS since I was in threopy. When i was in before, they did not sugest I had AS. I don't think they screwed up. I just think they did not know about it.

I wasn't suggesting that anyone made a mistake. I am suggesting that you look into this further, now.

It sounds like you are high-functioning already - I can't help but think how much some social skill development might be beneficial for you, some training in decoding those subtle non-verbal messages that make up so much of actual communication between two people, especially in a romantic relationship.

In any case, whatever you choose to do, the very best of luck to you.