Why do women send mixed signals?

[KenM]

KenM also made it plain that he expected a woman to agree to be with him, and in that agreement she was also agreeing to give up all of her friends....

Show me where I said she has to give up all her friends. I NEVER said that. Stop putting words in my mouth and speaking for me. I said I don't like large social gatherings, I don't want to be dragged to a large party with people I'm not interested in all the time. Small soical things are fine. I would expect my GF/ SO to be like me in this way. Getting together will small groups. We both have our own friends and we get together with them from time to time.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

This is all well and good unless you fail to articulate yourself and hold a woman's interest for long enough for her to be interested in the "real you."

This is where an inability to meet her halfway is a big stumbling block.

Yes, I appreciate that point. I think people are reading too much into a couple things I've said. I've changed a lot for other people before. I've gone out for dinner many times with one of my gf's friends who I didn't really like at all, but I tried, for her.

I didn't like my first gf's cousin at all. She was best friends with her cousin though, so I invited her to my role playing meet and I'd do things with both of them often. I joined The Lion King MUCK online because my gf liked it and I tried to understand why she liked it. I'm not sitting around saying "I'm the greatest, if you don't like me, you aren't worth my time."

I have faith that Ken is exaggerating things slightly, the same as I did in my post.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

For those of you just tuning in, here's a quick recap on the guy we're trying to help find a date:

KenM...
...has paid for sex with a stranger
...decided not to rape someone because he was afraid of being punished
...fails to get help for a mental disorder that he finds debilitating
...in only interested in other people when he needs something from them
...thinks that having a personal ad online is "taking a risk"
...uses a combination of sarcasm and martyrdom to mask his self-pitying and egotism
...blames God for his miserable life
...thinks that "getting even" is an appropriate way to handle being hurt

In the interest of being totally honest with people, I suggest Ken paste that list into his online personal ad.

In the interest of saving some innocent woman out there, I suggest people stop giving Ken advice on how to get a date. His posts make him sound like a bitter creep at best, and dangerously vindictive at worst.

Ken, like Hida and Majoru, needs professional help.

What else is there to say?

 

[barsoomcore]

If she asks "Does this pair of pants make my butt look big." he should answer it along the lines of "Does this pair of pants make me look like a Ken doll?"

Unless you are REALLY used to each other.

Then you can get away with "Oh yeah, baby, do they ever! Say, is that dressing room occupied?"

BWA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA...

WR, you an me gotta swap stories sometimes. That's brilliant.

I've known people who've lived their life happy to their dying day lying, cheating, stealing, and getting drugged.

Hi! And enjoyed every second, let me tell you.

I have faith that Ken is exaggerating things slightly, the same as I did in my post.

But... but... Ken NEVER lies! He said so!

I know this. When someone takes the time to offer you advice, there is only ONE appropriate response:

"Thank you."

KenM, your problem's NOT Asperger's, and your ongoing insistence that it is only serves to emphasize your real problem: your inability to confront your own fears.

I am truly sorry the world frightens you so much. It's big and painful and full of scary stuff. And if you want, you can spend your life hiding. Nobody can make you go outside and risk getting struck by lightning.

But let me whisper you a little secret:

Lightning can strike inside, too

There are no defenses against the scariness of the world. It will claw its way into whatever secure fortress you try to surround yourself with, and it will hurt you. That's what the world does. It hurts us, and when we think we've been hurt enough, it hurts us some more.

Don't like it? That's too bad. Sometimes I'm not so crazy about it, either. But I've decided that since there's no sanctuary to be found, I'm just going to go stomping into the heart of the storm and accept the lightning strikes as they come. They're kind of exciting, actually, when you look at them that way. And at least I haven't been wasting my time building a bunch of walls that won't keep out anything actually DANGEROUS, anyway.

 

[PowerWordDumb]

I have faith that Ken is exaggerating things slightly, the same as I did in my post.

I'm curious: To what end? If someone is at the ponit where they'll ask for relationship advice on a board full of complete strangers, how does it possibly serve them to *overstate* their creepiness and social disasters?

If it's to turn around six pages later and say "Aww shucks, it's not as bad as I said, I'm really okay", then that's really a rather counterintuitive and pathetic way to pat yourself on the back.

You have to realize that on the internet, you are what you post. We don't know you from adam, so whatever you say you're like, you're like. If you paint a picture that's creepy, smelly, unfriendly, oversensitive, rude and downright nasty, then that's what you are - at least to the people you're talking to. If you're not that way, then please don't paint that picture for us - trust us, nobody's any the happier for it.

 

[KenM]

I feel I have been totally truthful. But my own POV may have gotten in the way of how it really was. It was how I see them.

 

[I'm A Banana]

I feel I have been totally truthful. But my own POV may have gotten in the way of how it really was. It was how I see them.

Yeah, putting words in KenM's mouth probably does no one any good. He's shown the endurance to stay around, so letting him speak for himself is probably best.

Of course, this is the same message board where wild speculation on Magic of Incarnum is being tossed around based on an Amazon blurb, so who am I to steer the wild rumor-ship.

 

[KenM]

For those of you just tuning in, here's a quick recap on the guy we're trying to help find a date:

KenM...
A...has paid for sex with a stranger
B...decided not to rape someone because he was afraid of being punished
C...fails to get help for a mental disorder that he finds debilitating
D...in only interested in other people when he needs something from them
E...thinks that having a personal ad online is "taking a risk"
F...uses a combination of sarcasm and martyrdom to mask his self-pitying and egotism
G...blames God for his miserable life
H...thinks that "getting even" is an appropriate way to handle being hurt

In the interest of being totally honest with people, I suggest Ken paste that list into his online personal ad.

In the interest of saving some innocent woman out there, I suggest people stop giving Ken advice on how to get a date. His posts make him sound like a bitter creep at best, and dangerously vindictive at worst.

Spider

A: If you pay for a nice $200.00 dinner, or pay $200.00/ hour for an escort, its still paying for sex, we all do it, this way is more direct.

B: Excuse me for not raping someone and geting arrested. So if you were in my situation, you would have raped her and gone to jail? What a nice guy you are.

C: Late in this thread, i said I would get help.

D: This goes with C

E: As oppossed to not doing anything to try to meet people, I feel that someone like me is doing something.

F: Working on it.

G: I blame God for everything, the good as well as the bad.

H: So I will allow it to happen again and be screwed over again? I have too much respect for myself for that. I won't let people use me as a doormat.

 

[eabha]

B: Excuse me for not raping someone and geting arrested. So if you were in my situation, you would have raped her and gone to jail? What a nice guy you are.

I believe (hope!) Spider was pointing out that fear of punishment is not a very good reason for not raping someone.

 

[KenM]

Well, I don't feel like there is ever a good reason to rape someone. In addtion to me getting punished, arrested, ect.. It would have been a total betrayial of trust between us.