I don't think it's particularly feasible for any playing group not to be generally on the same page. I also suspect that most every group approaches the game from a general understanding that the players are their characters and the DM is in charge, and then riffs off of that to their taste.
Way back when you may have been right, but these days I would guess that, although a majority probably still take this view (tradition dies hard), saying "most every group" is an overstatement. There is a significant and growing minority that realise that this pattern is just one possible way to approach things.
Well, for those of us who bought our games from retail stores and depended on a community to furnish players, being a connoisseur of rpgs isn't really viable.
Not that it isn't an interesting list, but without a reservoir of books to browse through, a bunch of money to buy some of them, and a ton of free time, it's not much good to me personally. And what does do fine for me is the version of 3.X mishmash I run now.
I think you overestimate how hard it is/would be. Not every system is as sprawling and splatted out as D&D; the complete DragonQuest system is contained in one book (albeit there are three versions, due to its history). Noble Knight games has the 3rd edition (the TSR one - decidedly not the best, but not that far different from 2nd) for ten bucks
here. The whole of second edition is available on Scribd
here, including the Arcane Wisdom supplement (the only supplement ever written for DQ, and mostly included in 3rd Edition, never published as a supplement and downloadable for free
here - a page that has other good stuff besides).
HârnMaster Gold is $20 for the full player rules (like D&D's PHB) in PDF
here. $85.50 gets you all the rules for HMG, complete.
My suggestion would be either to join Scribd and grab the full DQ 2nd Edition Revised or get the 3rd Edition for $10 and copy-paste from Scribd the bits that were cut (Black Magics and Demon Summoning, for political correctness reasons, basically - the full differences are listed on the fan page I linked above). That and the Arcane Wisdom download (free - from the fan page) and you'll have everything "official" for the rules system.
I also don't see that immersion and naturalism contradict the idea of "escapist action movie fun". That's just another thing one can immerse oneself in. Those ideas don't mandate "realism" per se, and indeed the D&D world is clearly not real.
Yes, you can explore action adventure immersively, but IME it has some issues. Immersive play does not
require close-to-realworld physics, but it can have problems if the GM's conception of how the world works is significantly different from that of the players. Using real world physics helps, because most folks are acquainted with how they work (even if they have a range of misconceptions and don't really understand them in any depth). You can get over this problem through communication; this generally requires one of two things - comprehensive rules (that all can read to understand how things work in the game world) or time for the GM to reveal the world's nature to the players gradually.
The danger is always that the player has their character try something that they think they should be quite capable of, but the GM takes a different view... Alternatively, the GM puts the characters in a situation that requires capabilities that the GM, but not the players, view the characters as possessing.
In fact, if I were going to try something new, I'd purposefully not do another fantasy simulation engine, I'd go somewhere very different.
OK - try Daredevils - $14
here. The complete system is in one book - the other publications are adventures.
As to D&D, real castles were inhabited by inbred dilettantes, not the best and the brightest. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that the D&D world is likewise not a meritocracy, and that complex social forces keep everything in balance. D&D also has a strong tradition of humanlike interventionist deities, so deus ex machina is hardly out of the question.
It's not a question of merit - it's a question of power. Those who took castles (who weren't inbred until considerable time had passed, incidentally) were the ones who led armies, but when one individual can wipe out that army the system breaks down, somewhat. Real world history relies on the fact that, physically, one human being is pretty similar in capability to any other. Even record-breaking athletes can't act at twice the speed of everyone else; even top martial artists don't expect to take on a regiment and win.