Round1, Set 2 addendum:
An individual analysis of Quickbeam’s submission.
Quickbeam sets up not so much a mini adventure, but a chance for characters to become embroiled with 4 political factions: The 3 cities (2 human, 1 dwarven), and the Orc tribes separating the 3. His main NPC, Faroun, is a bright, evil, scheming conniver –he is by far Quickbeam’s best element in this submission. Also, he gives us DM an alternate, to the to the Standard Doppelganger Plot. I am all in favor of creatures, especially recurring enemies with high flavor, and the JackalWere fits the bill…to bad it’s not an ingredient, eh?
Let’s talk about ingredient use. Of the six, The two outstanding ingredients are The Dolphin King (a fine name for a vessel), also a good place to have enoughter, and find clues to the root of the adventure, Also, the clever use of all around vision as a plot device to drive the gaze attacking villain’s quest – even if the villain id in error about it (especially because he is in error about it!). This, if you ask me, is a better obvious snafu. Faroun and his cronies have created all this mess to attain a magic item that won’t help them all that much.
I’m less impressed with Quickbeam’s actual snafu. It many NOT be obvious to players that raiding orcs for Worgs may drive the orc bands into war with the towns, unless they are socio-politically aware. And there are not enough pointers detailed in the story hour to indicate that they would be. Also, I would’ve expected the tribes to be goblin, not orc – since goblins are the Worgs traditional riders, but it’s just a personal preference. The use of the keen scythe, does not impact me either way – I am neutral about it. I like the fact that Quickbeam was clever enough to make it a scythe the paladin used, rather than a sword, confusing the issue further, but having an Iron Golem wielding it going to casue problems. For those players who are not familiar with the Iron golem, it’s inclusion in the 4-6th level adventure, could spell instant, and ugly death (DC 17 Fort save or Die). As long as Quickbeam was breaking out creatures not in the MM, or MM2 in 3E, he could’ve easily used some animated, Iron object, that was more CR appropriate. I’m also a little bummed about the major expatriate NPC, ‘Crattus Irvee’ – this plot hook struck me as weak. Crattus was living in peace with the dwarves, was suddenly imprisoned, and then escapes – his first thought is to question the authorities in Corwyn? I can see him hiring the PCs to free his family, but not to be motivated enough to try and end hostilities. We are not given enough background detail on Crattus, to see that such a thing is in his character.
More positives, and negatives. Quickbeam has given us a wealth of NPCs to play with, like shiny new toys. They are detailed enough to breathe life into, but still open enough for use to customize to fit any game – I’m impressed. Also, his mini-world is internally consistent, which id actually quite a difficult thing to do when you create multiple political factions. And I’d be the first to jibe him about if, if there were holes. The sheer number of NPCs means those of you who read these adventures can pull **something** out of this submission, and get value from it.
There are a few remaining gripes. The first, is meta-level. Quickbeam, once you submit, your ARE NOT allowed to edit, for any reason, your submission. Had the entries been close in this round, you’d have lost due to this. Also, with a nod to mythago, your entry was over long. While I love detail, and interesting NPCs, this beast could have been cut down by a 1/3 or ¼ quarter, and retained all of it’s value. Keep it in mind for future rounds.
In short, although this submission was not brilliant about it’s incorporation of the ingredients, it was interesting, and well thought out. It need length refinement, and some though about encounters to make it a master piece.
Your exposition is awaited by your fans, Quickbeam!